By Jillian Moon, LCSW – August 12, 2020 –

My first day of high school was intimidating. I knew almost no one and my role in the school felt undefined. Would the teachers think I was good enough? Would the students like me? Would I be involved enough, or visible enough? Would I be too involved, too visible?

In the hallway stampedes between classes, everyone seemed to know exactly where they were going except me. And where were Molly Ringwald and Zac Ephron to start up the choreographed dances in the lunch room?

I suppose I should point out this was my first day as a high school social worker. At the ripe age of 31, I’d finished high school, college, and graduate school. Yet walking in those big school doors, I still felt overwhelmed by change and the very human need to find where I fit in a new social system.

As a parent, you can do a lot to ease these kinds of fears and help your kids enjoy the amazing opportunities high school has to offer them. Here are a few ideas from familyeducation.com:

  • Encourage your child to follow their own interests as opposed to following a clique. Focus first on finding the activity or sport that gives them genuine fulfillment—friends with whom they can have supportive and lasting relationships are then much more likely to be found.

  • Avoid sarcastic remarks about your child’s appearance. If you feel tempted to make those comments, keep a stack of your own high school pictures handy to share with your child! Not only will it take you back to a place of understanding the need to fit in, it will help you build an even stronger relationship when they see you were in their shoes once, too. (Literally, their shoes. The 90’s are back.)

  • Help your teenager understand that no one thing in their life is the “end-all-be-all” for their future. College and post-secondary program acceptance, for example, is based on many factors. Encourage personal challenges over easy grades while they capitalize on their strengths, whether they be academic, athletic, or community involvement. Praise their effort and improvement over one-time highs and lows.

Last but not least: make time to listen. Teenagers face the difficult task of finding their place with peers outside of family and setting the stage for their lives as adults. Non-critical listening tells them you can be trusted and you are an ally on their team. Always remember that while your child may not remember the advice you give, they will always remember how you made them feel in moments of need.