Tag Archive for: it takes a village

Parenting is a Team Effort

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By Jordan Beach, LSW, Oct 31, 2018 –

Before having children I seriously undervalued the saying, “It takes a village.”  I had serious doubts that someone else could possibly know what was best for my child.

Once that baby came home, however, it became increasingly clear at an alarmingly fast rate that raising this child was going to take a team effort.  As a mom I want to believe that I can singlehandedly handle all of the stressors that are thrown my way. But truthfully it does take a village, and finding your village early is important.

American society sometimes gives fathers a bad reputation, like they are incompetent or don’t know what is best for their babies, but that is simply not true.  Most dads are capable and willing to play an essential role in caring for their children.

Actually, when both parents are involved in the child’s life and sharing the load it is best for everyone involved.

As an infant this helps the child form a healthy attachment to both parents. As the child gets older it allows them to see the strength of their team and understand the importance of their support system.

It’s especially important for parents to communicate early about what beliefs and morals they want to instill in their child. It is also important to decide on a discipline style when your child is still very young.

As your child gets older and starts to challenge the rules parents have laid out, the parents will find more success in changing negative behavior if they share a discipline approach. It’s especially important not to undermine the discipline techniques or strategies of the other parent in front of the child. This gives the impression the child does not need to take discipline from one parent as seriously as the other.

If we’re being honest, it takes more than just the parents to raise a child. It is important to have outside support. Sometimes this will look like extended family or friends.

The role that these people will play in your child’s life is also important. This extended support network can offer you relief as a parent, and they may also have the opportunity to teach your child things that you may not be able to.

As your child grows, so does their village. Often times we underestimate the impact of daycare workers and teachers as part of our village, but these are people who are helping shape the daily lives of our children. Outside of educating our children, they’re also teaching them empathy, teamwork and showing them copious amounts of love while you’re away.

Truthfully, you can never have enough positive role models for your children. It’s good to be picky about the people you surround your child with, but know that allowing more people into their lives allows them to feel more love. It gives them more opportunities to grow and allows you to take a step back and be grateful for the support and love in your own life.

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It Takes a Village to Raise a Child

By Heather Miller, LCSW, Courier & Press, August 15, 2017 –

“It takes a village to raise a child.” This African proverb seems to be even more relevant in 2017, with working parents and single parents (and the accompanying family “busyness” that has become the norm) trying to raise a family.

And yet, even though it seems that the support of a “village” is so desperately needed, it often seems like this concept has somewhat disappeared from our society.

Raising children is a difficult task for which no one is ever completely prepared.  There are situations where support from others is not only warranted but also desired by the parent.

Often in our individualistic society, offering support to a fellow parent is considered improper and viewed as “stepping on toes.”  However, this mindset can lead to lonely, stressed parents, which then leads to stressed children.

Often risk factors are examined to explain why some children are more likely than others to “be successful” and overcome challenges.  Coupled with risk factors are protective factors, which can help the child take steps toward success.

According to the National Center for Community-Based Child Abuse Prevention, protective factors “are conditions in families and communities that, when present, increase the health and well-being of children and families.”  Examples of protective factors include social connections for parents as well as concrete supports for parents.

Offering support to a fellow parent does not have to be time-consuming or overly personal.  Following are simple ways in which support can be given:

  • Invite the family to a social function you are planning to attend such as a church event or neighborhood picnic.  Such events give adults the ability to connect with one another and form friendships that can lead to additional support.
  • Offer a kind word and a smile to a parent that has a child having a meltdown at the store, park or other place.  An empathetic response and assurance that every parent has experienced a public meltdown by a child is likely to be appreciated.
  • Focus on the big picture by recognizing that people parent in different ways but the ultimate goal is to raise happy, healthy children.  Getting hung up on differences such as appropriate consequences can lead to additional division rather than support.  No two parents will likely agree about how to handle every situation involving a child, but accepting that there are numerous ways to parent is important.
  • If you know the family and feel comfortable, offer to set up a carpool system or swap babysitting services.  Thirty minutes of child-free house cleaning can be a huge support to a parent and not overly burdensome for you.
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