By Rebecca Williams, MSW, LSW – May 14, 2025 –

As parents or caregivers, we have so many questions: Am I doing enough? Will my child be successful? Is my child achieving appropriate developmental milestones? Why doesn’t my child want to spend time with me anymore?

These are some of the questions parents may face throughout their child’s development. As a school social worker, I have heard them from parents myself on occasion, and they are not always easy to answer. However, there are some standards parents can consult to see how their child is developing and whether they need extra support.

Psychologist Erik Erikson outlined eight stages of human development. For the purpose of the audience, I will go over the first six.

1. The first stage is trust vs. mistrust during a child’s infancy. This is the stage where children learn that if their needs are met, they can trust the adults catering to those needs. If their needs are not met, then children often grow to become less trusting in others.
2. The second stage is autonomy vs. shame/doubt while the child is a toddler. Autonomy allows the child to have independence, thus creating a sense of confidence. However, doubt in the child or dependence on their caregiver can lead to low self-confidence.
3. The third stage is initiative vs. guilt during the child’s preschool years. If the child’s initiative is taken positively, the child learns that being assertive can be a positive behavior. If the initiative is taken negatively, it can lead children to be shy or timid.
4. The fourth stage is industry vs inferiority during the child’s early school years. This stage has a lot to do with self-esteem. If children feel like they are having success like their peers, they gain a positive self-image. If they feel like they are not meeting the same milestones as their peers, they can have a negative self-image.
5. The fifth stage is identity vs. role confusion in adolescent years. During this stage, children are finding out what their identity is. If they are not given the opportunity to explore what their identity is this can lead to role confusion. Don’t be surprised if your children spend more time with their peers and pursuing their own interests at this age. Stages 4 and 5 have a lot to do with a child’s social system and may feel out of your hands, so it’s important to provide support and encouragement when you can.
6. The sixth stage is intimacy vs. isolation during the young adult stage. This stage is all about forming relationships. Those that can form bonds and relationships well will form a sense of intimacy, while those that are unable to form positive relationships feel isolation.

Now this is not a cut and dry layout. There will always be exceptions and gray areas, but this can be a helpful tool to identify what your child’s needs and milestones are at different ages. Being a parent or caregiver isn’t always easy, but your support, encouragement and care will go a long way toward a child’s success. As your child grows, create a space and relationship with them that promotes open and judgement-free communication.