Fidgets: They Are Not Just Toys

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By Lisa Glahn, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

From time to time, we all have the need to burn off energy; some more than others. Personally, I tend to click my pens, bounce my legs, and tap my feet. Sometimes I am not even aware that I am fidgeting until someone calls my attention to it. This can be distracting to my coworkers in the room but helps me focus and concentrate. In a school setting these tendencies can be particularly distracting for a student’s classmates.

Recently while working with a student, I suggested a fidget to help him regulate his emotions. He declined because he didn’t want a toy. While some of these fidgets look like toys, they are actually therapeutic devices. Fidgets are handheld devices that help with self-regulation and focus and allow people to better cope with feelings of boredom, anxiety, and agitation. Students with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) may find that fidgets can distract them from the symptoms of their condition.

Fidgets come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They can be popped, stretched, squeezed, spun, snapped, etc. Teens may prefer fidgets that are discreet, small enough to be held in one hand or in the student’s pocket. They even make stainless steel options for teens who don’t want a childish looking fidget. I have students who wear fidget jewelry such as bracelets, rings, and necklaces with a variety of sensory inputs that look very stylish and can be made in metals that don’t turn the skin green.

There are so many different fidget devices, and you will want to try different types. You don’t have to spend a lot of money either. You can order from Amazon or even find them at Dollar Tree. Just keep in mind that it needs to be therapeutic for your child and not negatively affect their attention. 

In addition, the devices must not be disruptive to the classroom or to fellow classmates. I have found mixed reviews in the research on fidgets, but I think that if you find something that works for your child, talk to the teacher to see if they will allow it in the classroom.  

My students have named me the “Fidget Master,” and I am quite proud of that title. As a school social worker for Youth First, I use a variety of these devices with students in my sessions with them. I am always on the lookout for the newest and the latest versions and rotate them so the students won’t get bored. I play with a fidget in sessions, too. Using the fidgets alongside the student shows them it’s a safe place to try them and that adults use them too.

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Coping with Traumatic Events: One Year After Evansville’s House Explosion

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By Lori Powell, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

As I prepared for my school day on August 10, 2022, the sun was shining and the temperature was warm. I was excited to greet students with the last names starting with K-Z at Vogel Elementary School in Evansville, IN. It felt like a normal first day of school, but it would turn out to be anything but normal. That afternoon we suddenly heard a loud boom, which caused the entire school building to shake.

Some of the staff thought the sound was a car crash or a tree falling. I could see smoke coming from the west but did not know the location. After a short time, the scary noise was determined to be a house explosion in the 1000 block of Weinbach Avenue in Evansville. This location is only a few blocks from Vogel Elementary School. Sadly, three people did not survive the tragedy.

I immediately experienced multiple thoughts and feelings; however, I knew that my primary focus was to help the Vogel students, parents, and staff feel safe by being there to answer their questions and concerns.

According to the American Psychological Association, “Trauma is an emotional response to a terrible event.” These situations can include natural disasters, death, abuse, or accidents. Student, parent, and staff reactions to the explosion last year ranged from shock to anxiety, sadness, and fear. Many people cried, and several parents picked up their children from school early to comfort them and ensure their safety.

I personally felt terrified and worried, because my mother lives very close to the house that exploded. My brain was stuck in these two emotions for the remainder of the day. I knew what I was experiencing was trauma, but at the time I was only functioning moment by moment.

When I drive on Weinbach or Hercules Avenue, I can still see the devastation from the explosion. My mother’s house still needs a few repairs, but it is mostly completed. The good news is that she was able to stay in her home.

Even though time has moved forward and we are now in a new school year, the explosion continues to affect people’s lives. Many of the students at Vogel are still processing feelings related to this traumatic event. When these difficult experiences happen, it is very important to utilize positive coping skills, even if time has passed since the traumatic event.

Good ways to cope with trauma include talking about your feelings, continuing healthy routines and behaviors, and seeking out professional mental health resources and care if needed. Some positive coping skills that can be useful are deep breathing, positive self-talk, eating healthy foods, exercising, and getting the correct amount of sleep.

If you feel like your child has experienced unresolved issues related to trauma, you can seek out a Youth First Social Worker at their school or contact your primary care physician to determine the best way to address their needs. 

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Improving Your Family’s Emotional Communication

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By Camryn Cater, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Emotional communication is a key component in our lives. It helps us form relationships and make connections with family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. As children learn to emotionally connect and communicate with others, they are building emotional skillsets that will help them develop relationships for the rest of their lives.

Families with healthy emotional communication practices allow children to develop better coping mechanisms to overcome communication challenges. However, when families unconsciously or consciously dismiss their child’s emotions, they invalidate their child’s needs and thoughts. This parenting practice can lead to children developing less emotional intelligence and pave the way to mental health issues, including increased chances of anxiety, depression, and lack of empathy.

As easy as it is to ignore, downplay, or get frustrated with your child’s emotions, grownups must understand that children have thoughts, dreams, frustrations, and worries that need to be heard. From an adult’s perspective these feelings may seem small, but to a child, they are immense. Talk to your child about their emotions and use the conversation as an opportunity to grow your parent/child relationship.

Grownups can introduce positive emotional communication practices to kids by using emotional language such as “I feel” messages. Using this type of language encourages kids to follow your lead and learn to communicate their needs effectively. Another simple way to introduce emotional communication is through reading books or watching videos with characters who model positive emotional communication. Visuals with scales of emotions can also help your child clearly pinpoint what range of emotion they are feeling when it may be too difficult to describe in words.

Another good way to help kids express themselves is by facilitating dialogue about how certain activities, people, places, foods, etc. make them feel. For example, you could ask your child, “How did it make you feel when you were on stage for your program today?” This type of open-ended question allows time for your child to identify and process their own feelings and opinions. Making this a routine at the end of each day creates a space where your child knows they feel safe and understood.

These simple tasks carried out in your home can ultimately improve your relationship with your child and give you a sense of what you can do to meet your child’s emotional needs. This can boost your child’s mental health, decrease behavioral issues, and promote emotional empathy.

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Why is Executive Functioning Important?

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By Diane VanCleave, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Some say, “If parenting does not feel like white knuckle time, you’re not doing it right.” Parenting has its complexities and challenges, and a parent or caretaker needs to provide age-appropriate guidance.

A child’s growth progresses through executive function efficiency. Executive function (EF) is the interconnection and coordination of brain activity skills, which is crucial to human development. Both parents and teachers need to be working toward a child’s healthy executive functioning.

The skill sets of executive function include development in clear thinking, negotiation in living with others, task accomplishment, managing emotions, self-initiation, completing goals through steps, understanding patterns in organization, gauging time, being able to switch from one task to another, and sustained attention and memory.

There is sufficient evidence that starting at birth, the precursor patterns and sequences needed for EF evolve as the cortex develops. Researchers speak of scaffolding as the necessary building block of function. Scaffolding involves integrating earlier skill sets that help in critical thinking and integrating.

Parents need to be observing and nurturing to recognize early precursors that will eventually add to academic, social, and economic success. A mastery in EF requires a child to engage in continued strengthening and practice. Without the practiced moments, parents may see meltdowns when tasks do not go effortlessly. These meltdowns can happen when children do not have the scaffolds that help them persist through failures and mistakes.

In teens, scaffolding activities scheduled by parents might look like time to listen and talk. A teen’s complex scaffolding would follow their own interests, focusing on what they want to accomplish and how they would accomplish that task themselves. In younger children, scaffolding looks like heavier reliance on direction. Scaffolding might include identifying colors or articulating a dialogue with the child on what they might do if they lose a toy or make a mistake.

With toddlers, EF develops when the caregiver provides toys or household items to explore. Sometimes the greatest learning experience for a toddler can even be the introduction of a cardboard box. Infants begin their EF skill sets with hand clapping, mimicry, and caregiver facial affirmation.

The parents/teacher/caregiver can use modeling and reflection from their own lived experience to nurture and support. In the modern age, executive functioning requires worthy exploration to help the child develop to their full potential. The parent or caregiver has a role to play in helping their child negotiate EF throughout their lives.

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Trends in Adolescent Mental Health

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By Kelly McClarnon, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Since I began working in a school setting, I’ve noticed increasing rates of mental health concerns among adolescents. It’s not just my personal experience; a quick Google search will pull multiple articles about a “mental health crisis” within this population.

There are many factors that contribute to the rise in mental health problems, but none are exclusively to blame. Some of the identified reasons are decreases in hours of sleep, decreased activity levels, and fewer face-to-face interactions. Other factors include an increase in academic and sports performance expectations, cyberbullying, higher rates of exposure to violence, barriers to mental health care, and even the chemicals in the food we eat.

Studies show that since 2010, mental health issues in adolescents have been steadily rising, and organizations such as WHO (World Health Organization) and NIMH (National Institute of Mental Health) are researching ways to address these issues. These community mental health concerns need to be addressed on a macro level, but there are steps individuals and families can take to support their child’s mental and emotional well-being.

If your child had a broken leg, you would take them to the doctor and follow the prescribed treatment to heal the break. If a child is struggling mentally or emotionally, the first step I generally recommend to parents is to start having conversations that provide a safe and judgement-free space for their child to open up and talk about their concerns.

Restricting the number of activities your child is involved with outside the home can provide the necessary time to have important conversations regarding mental health and well-being. Children need down time to recover and relax from their day. They need to have quiet activities they enjoy at home such as drawing, reading, playing with their pets, and spending time with loved ones.

Encourage healthy technology habits by limiting screen time and monitoring online content. Overuse of technology for many reasons has contributed to rising rates of mental health problems among adolescents. This is an easy fix as long as parents stay consistent and intentional about overseeing screen time.

Encourage good sleep hygiene. Not getting enough sleep can affect a person’s mood, memory, and executive functioning. Sleep is an important factor in maintaining good mental health.

Make sure your child is eating a balanced diet and getting enough exercise. Taking care of their physical health is important for promoting positive mental health.

Lastly, if you feel you’ve taken steps at home to support your child and things are not improving, start by talking with their pediatrician, who can provide referrals for counseling and/or medication management. You can also seek support from mental health professionals, like a Youth First Social Worker at your child’s school, to provide direction in getting mental health treatment.

Just as you would care for a physical illness, mental health problems should be addressed. The earlier the intervention, the better the outcome.

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Setting SMART Goals Leads to Success

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By Jennifer Bouchie, MSW, LSW, Youth First Inc.

Goal setting is important at all stages of our lives. Whether we are talking about our kids or ourselves, knowing how to set obtainable goals is key to finding fulfillment.

The struggle with goal setting is that sometimes we see the big picture but have a hard time visualizing all the small steps it takes to get to the desired outcome. So how do we set realistic goals?

One of the most popular acronyms for goal setting is SMART goals. This stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Timely. Once you have a big picture goal, setting up steps in a SMART goal system helps you break it down into bite-sized pieces. This helps make the goal more obtainable and helps you see success along the way.

First, clearly define a specific goal. Write it down or put it on a dream board. Be sure to remind yourself frequently of what you are trying to accomplish. If your goal is to save money, identify how much you need to save each pay period to reach your final savings goal. It’s also important to know why you’re setting a goal. Are you saving for a vacation or a down payment on a house? This can help you determine what savings amount is reasonable for you. 

Second, be sure the goal is measurable. If you’re keeping the same goal of improving your budget, this is easy to measure. You will be able to tell each pay period if you were able to stick to your goal of moving over the desired amount into savings.

Third, you need to make sure the goals are achievable. If you’re like me, when you set goals you want to reach them as soon as possible. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the best way to reach your desired outcome. If you make your goals unobtainable, you set yourself up for failure, which can result in giving up on the goal altogether.

Fourth, are your goals realistic? Maybe the issue is not that you can’t save the money, but maybe you’re asking too much of yourself too quickly. It’s okay to reevaluate and change your savings timeframe. If you decide to put less money back each pay period, you will still reach your savings goal even if it takes more time than anticipated. Being realistic is crucial.

Fifth, be sure your goals are timely. If you have a big picture goal, make sure not to lose sight of the baby steps that are going to get you there.

As humans, we are always trying to grow and learn. These skills can be used for adult tasks such as budgeting but also for tasks with our kids such as improving grades, learning to play an instrument, or developing athletic skills. Setting SMART goals is a great way to move yourself forward to achieve your dreams!

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Shared Meals Lead to Happier, Healthier Families

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By Diane Walton, MSW, LSW, Youth First Inc.

Family meal times are such a valuable experience, with a wide variety of benefits for both children and parents. More shared meals together correlate to greater benefits seen; however, children will benefit from as little as three family meals each week. Shared meals promote healthier eating habits, better grades, and a decrease in rates of depression, substance abuse, and early teenage pregnancy.

Teens who have fewer than three family meals per week are at higher risk of using marijuana, alcohol, or tobacco. Today, only about 30 percent of families have regular family mealtimes. Imagine the benefits we would see if we made family mealtimes a priority three or four times each week!

As a working mom with active children, I understand that planning family meals can feel overwhelming, especially when we have school, sports, and work commitments scheduled throughout the week. Eating together as a family can work with outside commitments and it doesn’t have to be overwhelming or difficult. A simple plan and easy recipes can make family meals doable, fun, and something to look forward to.

Ask your children to pick their favorite meals and add these items to the grocery list. They should choose an entrée, side, and vegetable for their meal. It can be as simple as chicken nuggets, green beans, and applesauce for dinner. Another easy option is “breakfast for supper,” which includes fried eggs, toast, sausage or bacon and fruit. 

Worried because not all members of the family are present on any given evening?  Think outside the box! If it is a challenge to have dinner with the whole family throughout the week, try regular breakfasts on Saturday or brunch every Sunday. Keep in mind that if at least one parent and one child are at home for mealtime, it can be a family meal.

Conversation is an important aspect of family mealtimes. The goal is to be warm and engaging, saving criticisms and deep conversations for another time. Use open-ended questions rather than questions that can be answered with one word such as “yes,” “no,” or “fine.”

Have fun with silly questions such as, “What is the one superpower you would love to have and why?” Mix in questions that give a little insight into your child’s day like, “Tell me about the best thing that happened to you today” or “What was something that happened today that made you sad or frustrated?” 

Parents also benefit from regular family meals. Fathers who are present at meal times have a lower stress index, exhibit greater self-esteem, and are less likely to describe depressive symptoms. Family meals also allow parents to monitor their children’s moods, behavior, and activities in a relaxed, screen-free environment.

Check out the Family Dinner Project at thefamilydinnerproject.org, which is a great FREE resource featuring easy recipes, games, and conversation starters to help bring your family back to the table.

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Golf Scramble 2024

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Know the Differences Between Stress and Anxiety

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By Melinda Johnson, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

“I’m really anxious.” 

“My anxiety is so high.” 

“I can’t do that; my anxiety is getting worse.”

As a Youth First Social Worker working with junior high and high school students throughout the school year, I often hear these statements. Students visit me struggling with an emotional response they identify as anxiety.

Are they wrong? Not necessarily. Anxiety is a common emotion that we all experience because life is stressful. Stress and anxiety are terms used interchangeably, but there are differences between the two. 

So, what is the difference? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, stress is defined as the physical or mental response to an external cause. Stress could include an upcoming school or work project, having an unexpected illness, or experiencing conflict with a family member or friend. It’s a more focused response to a clearly identified event.

Anxiety is our body’s response to stress. The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as the persistent, excessive worries that don’t go away even in the absence of a stressor. Individuals with anxiety disorders usually have unwanted thoughts or concerns of future events and experience long-term symptoms. Anxiety can cause people to seek avoidance, while stress can often motivate people to reach goals or solve the problem.

Stress and anxiety can manifest in similar ways. Both can cause disruption of sleep, increased worry, or feelings of unease or tension. Like anxiety, stress can make an individual feel more irritable, cause a change in appetite and difficulty concentrating. Though, whether it’s acute stress or chronic anxiety, it’s important you’re aware of the symptoms and address them appropriately. 

There are many ways to manage stress and anxiety-related symptoms. Practicing sleep hygiene is one of the best ways to combat unwanted worries. Talk to your friends, family, or trusted supporters. Engage in healthy coping skills, whether it is spending time outside, journaling, exercising, or including meditation in your routine. Prioritize time getting organized and addressing the things you can control.

If you’re a parent with a worried child, help your child identify the difference between what they can problem solve and what they may need help with. It is easy to feel overwhelmed by stressors, which can cause an increase in anxiety-related symptoms or a decrease in daily functioning. 

Remember, not all distress symptoms equal a mental health disorder. However, if symptoms persist, you have a change in your level of functioning or a major life disruption due to symptoms, it is important to follow up with your primary care provider to discuss what treatment options may be best for you.

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Respectful Communication Key for Divorced Families

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By Lisa Cossey, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

In a perfect world, all marriages would have the “happily ever after” promised in fairy tales. Unfortunately, in the real world, some marriages end in divorce. For families in this situation, the divorce may end the marriage, but it does not end the need for interaction to continue raising children together.

Some couples have no issues co-parenting beyond divorce. Others have great challenges. For couples who are struggling, there are several things to consider when determining the best ways to communicate with each other.

First, and most importantly, it is helpful to remember to love your child more than you may dislike your former spouse. As young children grow, there are birthday parties, holidays, graduations, weddings, and the birth of children of their own someday. On all of these occasions, you will most likely have to interact with your former spouse, so why not set a good foundation for communication.

In addition to making your life smoother, parents who communicate and interact well with one another set a good example of teamwork and collaboration. It is also helpful to remember you are modeling appropriate communication and behavior for your children; therefore, respectful interactions are key.

Keep your communication focused on the children and set a matter-of-fact tone utilizing appropriate language. Make requests of your former spouse rather than demands. In addition to being respectful to one another in front of the children, make sure you are being respectful when the other parent is not around.

Negativity or complaining does no good, as it only hurts children. The two parents may no longer love each other, but the children love both parents. Placing them in the middle, listening to negatives about either parent, will only cause more harm and hurt for the child. Avoid making your child the messenger. This only puts unnecessary stress and pressure on the child.

If communicating in person is something that cannot be managed, e-mail or texting are other options to consider. Remember to keep the tone professional here as well and stick to the topic that needs to be addressed. If you receive an emotional or heated e-mail or text, give yourself a calming period prior to responding. Wait at least an hour, if not more, before responding. This time allows you to compose your thoughts and rationally respond.

For those parents who absolutely cannot communicate without a breakdown occurring, there are resources available to make necessary communication with each other easier and tolerable. There are specific websites, such as ourfamilywizard.com and cozi.com, which cater to divorced families and their interactions. At cozi.com, families can create their own family calendars to manage visitation, scheduling of events, and communication between the parents.

Healthy marriages and family life are what we all strive for. However, for those whom “happily ever after” did not work out, consider these options when communicating and building your family life post-divorce.

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