Reducing Stress for New Moms

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By Alicia Slaton, LSW – April 27, 2021 –

Being a new mom brings a wide range of emotions, whether you’re a first-time mom or a seasoned veteran. New babies pose new challenges and worries.

If you plan to be a working mom, whether you decide to stay home for 6 weeks or 3 months, the time will come when you must return to work. This too presents a whole new set of challenges.

The responsibilities and expectations from home continue as you add on stress and expectations at work. It often feels like you must make difficult decisions and set aside one for the other.

For example, you might be faced with the need to work overtime, which then means your kids eat a fast-food dinner from a drive through. Or perhaps you have to drop your children off at daycare early so you can get to work and catch up from the day before.

Unfortunately there is no magic formula to help you balance work and home life. It is okay to continue working without feeling you are neglecting your children. It is also okay to spend extra time with your children without feeling that you are failing at your job.

Here are some suggestions for easing the transition back to work as a new mom:

  1. Ask for help when you need it. They say it takes a village, so don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Instead of dragging the kids to the grocery store each week, schedule a grocery order pick up and ask a family member to pick it up for you. This will save more time (and stress) than you know.
  1. Put off unnecessary tasks. The laundry is washed and dried but not put away. So what? It’s okay to live out of the clean laundry basket for a week, I promise. Also, there are often ways to hire affordable help for tasks such as cooking and cleaning.
  1. Stay connected. Whether it’s a night out with the girls, a daily check-in phone call with a parent or a kid-free date night with your spouse, stay connected to your loved ones.
  1. Focus on stress management. According to verywellmind.com, “Stressed working moms often find themselves less able to connect with their children or focus at work, which may lead to acting out by the kids, time-consuming mistakes at work, and other things that increase stress for working moms and their families. Therefore, taking a proactive stance on stress management is quite important.”

It’s essential to have several quick stress relievers in your toolkit. Breathing exercises and reframing techniques (alternative ways of looking at stressful situations), as well as long-term strategies such as regular exercise, meditation or a hobby, can help relieve stress for working moms and their families.

There’s no such thing as a “perfect” working mom. The important thing to remember is that you are a good mom and a good employee. All you need is a healthy balance between the two.

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Calm Conversation with Your Teen

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By Mary Haas, LSW – April 22, 2021 –

Whether we like it or not, we are constant role models to our kids. Our children are always watching our actions and listening to our words. What a high pressure job to have!

There are times when we are not the best parents, but this is to be expected. We are human just like our kids. As parents, we often make mistakes and respond negatively to everyday stressors. Although life can occasionally become overwhelming, it’s important to remember that we always have a choice as to how we respond to frustrating situations.

Healthy management of stress is an essential skill for children to develop. If we pretend that nothing flusters us we lose an opportunity to guide our child with helpful and productive methods to manage stress and discomfort. Our actions and choices as parents are the best learning tools for our children.

One of the key elements in helping developing adolescents is providing the space for open and honest communication. This means remaining calm even if what we hear is hard to swallow or causes us some discomfort. Honesty is crucial, because our kids can sense when we are faking emotions or not being genuine in conversation, just as we can sense it in them.

When difficult conversations with your teen arise, it is okay to say something like, “Right now, I’m so upset that I can’t make decisions. I want to think this through instead of reacting.” Or maybe something like, “We’ll talk when I’m ready. I need to calm down first.” Then, go take care of yourself. Take the time to process your thoughts and feelings. Once you are ready you can come back ready to support your teen.

Remaining calm is easy in theory, but it can be a lot harder in practice. Calmness is crucial, however. A calm response strategically positions us to have the influence our children need as we guide them toward adulthood.

By the time young people reach late adolescence, they still do not have the ability to make decisions nearly as well as adults because their brains are still developing. When we use calm responses and openness, we create the opportunity for logical problem solving. If we yell and scream, we are signaling to our child the need for an emotional defense by tapping into the survival part of their brain.

By providing calmness in an intense situation, we allow our child to develop and practice thoughtful plans to carry into challenging situations. We allow our adolescent to reflectively link short and long-term consequences to their choices.

Although we may not agree with our teen or approve of the choices they make, we can still express love and empathy. When we get upset with them, it is because of how deeply we love them. Their radically developing brains need reassurance that they are unconditionally loved as their emotional sensors are maturing and sensitive to the reactions of others.

When we practice calmness in our parenting, we become parents who are more willing to work together with our teen. Young people talk to adults who listen. We have a tough job on our hands raising a teen, and although we will never be perfect, we can work to become trusted partners with our child.

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When is it Okay to Leave a Child Home Alone?

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By Amber Russell, LCSW – April 15, 2021 –

As a parent, I have recently been thinking about at what age it is appropriate and acceptable to leave your child home alone. I’ve often considered it when I need to run errands for a couple hours.

My son is 9 years old. I have asked other parents and family members when they first let their children stay home alone. I found the answer varied a lot based on who I asked.

Some people had very strong opinions on the subject and were certain that kids needed to be much older to be left alone. Others made me feel like I was crazy to even be worried about leaving my 9-year-old home alone for 10 minutes while I ran to the store to buy the one item I had forgotten on my list.

So who is right? I did some research and found that the answer varies. Only a few states have laws that specify a legal age to leave a child home alone, and they range from age 8-14.

Indiana, from what I can tell, falls into the “no specific law” category. There is no law or magic number specifying the right time or right age, but according to Prevent Child Abuse Indiana, there are some questions you should consider while making this decision.

  1. Is there a responsible adult available? Does an adult friend or family member live nearby? Or is there possibly a nice neighbor that your child is comfortable with in case they need help? Who can your child go to or call in case of emergency? Do they know how to call a family member for help?
  2. Does your child know emergency procedures? Does your child know what to do and where to go if there is a fire in the home? Do they know where the first aid kit is and how to use it? What about what to do in the event of bad weather such as a tornado?
  3. Does your child regularly problem-solve without assistance? For instance, what are the rules if someone rings the doorbell or a friend calls and wants to come over?  What do they do if they come home after school and the door is open or they notice a window is busted out? If they are outside playing and a stranger tries to talk to them, what would they do?
  4. Can your child perform everyday tasks such as making a snack or making a phone call? These are necessary skills. Do they know their address and phone number? Is there a phone available for them to make an emergency call?
  5. Is your child comfortable staying at home alone? Ask them, and if the answer is “no,” then now is not the right time. A child should feel confident and self-sufficient before being left home alone.The appropriate age for being left home alone depends somewhat on the child, their maturity level, and the length of time they will be alone. I know some 9-year-olds that could handle being home alone for an hour or two, but I also know some 12 and 13-year-olds that I would not trust.

Make sure both you and your child are comfortable with your absence. Ensure they know the rules, what to do in case of an emergency, and who they can contact for help. Start with a small length of time as a trial (like while you run to the grocery store). If they will be home for more than an hour alone, make sure to call and check in.

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Self-Care is Essential

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By Keisha Jackson, MSW – April 7, 2021 –

One of the most important things we can do for ourselves is ensure we are taking good care of our body, mind, and soul each and every day. Self-care is a habit we need to develop and use daily, not just when we are sick or feel it’s most convenient. 

Learning how to eat right, reduce stress, exercise regularly, and take a time-out when you need it are big components of self-care. Making a point to incorporate these habits into your life can help you stay healthy, happy, and resilient.

Practicing self-care isn’t always easy. In fact, it’s an ongoing battle I fight with year in and year out. Most of us are crazy busy. There are extracurricular activities to juggle, sporting events to attend, and of course our jobs to work around. Having a full and fast-paced life can be rewarding, but can also become burdensome from time to time.

As the pandemic continues to impact our daily lives, now is a good time to reflect on the past year and remind ourselves about the importance of self-care. Below you’ll find several different tips, ideas, and reminders to help you manage your mental health through self-care.

  1. Create a plan. Creating a self-care plan can make managing self-care easier. When life gets busy, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. Making a plan and sticking to it helps release the stress of managing another “task” on your to-do list.
  • Say “no” to others. Saying “no” is a hard thing to do for some people. However, saying “no” when you’re feeling overwhelmed or when you need a day to yourself can be a powerful way to care for yourself.  
  • Do things that spark joy. Self-care is all about doing something specifically for YOU. Do one thing daily that sparks joy in your life. Examples of this could be a simple coffee run, getting up to go for a walk around the block, or even watching an episode of your “guilty pleasure” show.
  • Soak up the sun. As the days are beginning to lengthen as summer approaches, we have more time to enjoy the sunlight after school or work. Just getting 10 minutes of sunlight or having those blinds in your bedroom window open can spunk up your mood and provide you with much-needed Vitamin D. Be sure to wear sunscreen if you’ll be outside for extended periods of time!
  • Don’t skip out on the basics. Continue to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and get a healthy amount of sleep. 

Some of these tips may sound silly or obvious, but it can often be hard to prioritize that extra time to ourselves. It’s important to create time in your day to be alone with yourself, no matter how busy you are. Time alone can help you ponder the best way to move forward in life and keep you grounded, healthy, and happy.   

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