Supporting Your Child to Combat Negative Self-Talk

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By Courtney Beitler, MSW, LCSW – April 30, 2025 –

Negative self-talk is a challenge that affects people of all ages and something I witness daily, both in and out of my position as a school-based mental health professional. Whether it involves a loved one or a 7th grader I’m working with, I see how often negative self-talk can have an impact on multiple facets of our lives.

Negative self-talk is an internal dialogue of self-doubt, criticism, and unhelpful beliefs that can limit personal growth and harm one’s self-esteem. For adolescents, negative self-talk can be especially detrimental, as they navigate the complexities of growing up, their peer relationships and the growing academic pressures. Combating negative self-talk requires a combination of self-awareness, strategies and support.

The first step in combating negative self-talk is recognizing when and how it appears. It often falls into common thought patterns, such as catastrophizing (“If I strike out, my life is over”), labeling (“I’m so dumb”) or personalization (“No one likes me”). Identifying these thought patterns allows individuals to challenge these statements and replace them with more balanced perspectives.

Supportive adults can help their child recognize negative self-talk by encouraging open conversations about their thoughts and feelings. A simple question like, “What’s something you’ve been telling yourself lately?” can provide insight into their internal dialogue. Showing some vulnerability by sharing personal experiences with self-doubt and how it was overcome can also create a supportive environment.

One of the most effective ways to combat negative self-talk is to reframe unhelpful thoughts into more constructive ones. Instead of “I’ll never be good at this,” it can be shifted to “I’m still learning; improvement takes time.” This reframing encourages self-compassion and a growth mindset, reducing the harmful effects of self-criticism.

For children and teens, this process can be encouraged by parents reinforcing a positive perception. Instead of responding with, “You’re fine” or “That’s not true,” parents can guide them toward self-reflection. Responses such as, “Is there truth to what you’re saying about yourself, or is this a really strong feeling?” or “What would you say to a friend who felt this way?” Statements such as these can ultimately lead to healthy, constructive thoughts that encourage growth and awareness, rather than self-destructive thoughts that chip away at one’s self-esteem.

Replacing negative thoughts with affirmations may feel unnatural or “fake” at first, but consistent practice can rewire thinking patterns. Affirmations should be realistic and personal, such as “I am capable,” “I deserve kindness,” or “I am more than my mistakes.” Writing these down, repeating them daily, or placing them where they are easily visible (like on a mirror or in a phone reminder) can reinforce their impact. Additionally, creating an environment where achievements are celebrated (without excessive pressure) and where effort is valued over perfection helps reinforce a positive internal dialogue.

Negative self-talk is a challenge that can undermine confidence and self-esteem. By recognizing harmful thought patterns, reframing negative narratives and practicing self-compassion, individuals and families can cultivate healthier internal dialogue and mindsets. Adults and supporters can play a crucial role in this process by fostering open conversations, modeling positive self-talk, and creating an environment where growth and self-acceptance are prioritized. With these strategies, both children, adolescents and adults can learn to listen to their inner “encourager” over their inner critic. 

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Establish Consistent Routines for Children

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By Lori Powell, MSW, LCSW – April 22, 2025 –

Each year on the first few days of school, students appear to be excited and ready to begin their school day. However, later in the week or sometimes even that day, students begin discussing how they feel tired or hungry. Then, suddenly they are angry and upset. Sometimes they are not sure what they need or want. The child just knows that something does not feel right. 

This is the perfect time for the Youth First Mental Health Professional, social worker or counselor in the building to discuss emotions and positive coping skills. After the child is calm, the Youth First Mental Health Professional is able to ask multiple important questions, such as how many hours of sleep the child got last night, whether they ate breakfast this morning, and whether the family has a consistent schedule.

When students do not get enough sleep, they have difficulty learning and regulating their emotions at school. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that children ages 6-12 years of age get between 9-12 hours of sleep on a daily basis. Teens ages 13-18 should sleep 8-10 hours per day. 

For example, if the child has to be at school at 8:30 am and the child is 7 years old, he or she should go to bed between 7:30 pm – 9:30 pm, depending on the individual child’s sleep needs. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “Children who get enough sleep have a healthier immune system and better school performance, behavior, memory, and mental health.”

According to CDC Healthy Schools, eating a nutritious breakfast helps enhance cognitive ability, school attendance, and mood improvement. Children might eat 4-5 meals daily due to the smaller size of their stomachs and their higher metabolisms. Including children in meal planning, eating meals as a family, and having open discussions regarding the importance of a meal schedule will help children understand the importance and participate in the plan. If you have any questions regarding nutrition, please contact your child’s pediatrician, nutritionist, or dietician for recommendations about children and teen nutrition.

It is important that parents involve their children in establishing a consistent routine. The schedule needs to be clear and easy to understand. Children feel empowered and motivated to participate in a new routine when they are able to make suggestions and ask questions about the schedule. The schedule needs to be in an accessible location, such as on the refrigerator.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, “Structure and routines teach kids how to constructively control themselves and their environments.” Children thrive from structure and like to know what is happening at different times of the day. They want to know what time they are eating meals, what time they go to bed, and the time they wake up in the mornings.

Establishing consistent routines can help enhance the child’s mental health and well-being, increase the child’s desire to complete assigned tasks, teach time management and responsibility, and build better connections and communication between the parent and the child.

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Repairing Damaged Relationships with Your Children

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By Emily Bernhardt, MSW, LCSW – April 16, 2025 –

As parents, we can never be perfect. We are imperfect people doing our best to grow and shape the minds of our little ones. To be expected, there are times when we mess up, whether that looks like shouting, slamming a door, or even saying something hurtful to our child. We know these mistakes will happen, so how do we repair the damage after we have hurt our child?

The first step to rebuilding trust is honesty. Many adults struggle with being honest with their children because it feels so hard to be vulnerable with them. We have been taught that we have to be strong and not show our emotions to our children, but that is simply not true. Our children benefit from seeing our real emotions and how we respond and cope with those emotions. Being honest with your child not only models how to cope with emotions; it also shows them they can trust you. In times of conflict with your child, be honest with them about how you are really feeling. When we refrain from sharing with our child, we leave them to make assumptions, which can make the conflict worse.

Practicing humility is another great skill to improve. When we are able to be humble and apologize for our mistakes with our children, that speaks volumes with them. This is something we expect our child to do, so when they see us as adults also taking ownership of our mistakes and apologizing to them it makes them feel heard and respected. When apologizing to your child, try to refrain from saying, “I’m sorry, but…” This sends the message that we are more worried about justifying our actions than we are about apologizing for the hurt we caused.

Remember to be consistent. We don’t want to just use these tools like a bag of tricks we pull out when we mess up. It’s important to be practicing these skills in our everyday interactions with our children. Then, when we inevitably do something wrong, we are more easily able to repair the relationship due to the solid foundation that has already been laid out. Of course, we know that sometimes our children make mistakes that hurt us as well. When this happens, be honest with them. Being honest in this way gives your child the opportunity to learn, grow, and apologize to you as well. If your child is apologizing, try your best not to lay on the guilt and accept their apology. All in all, we know relationships can be messy, but because we care deeply about these relationships, it is important to learn tools to help us grow as parents and in turn, help our children grow. If we can humble ourselves, engage in honest communication, and be consistent with the skills we learn, I truly believe we can repair damaged relationships with our children. No child wants conflict with their parent, so as adults we must step up and do our best to make repairs where we have made mistakes.

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Welcoming a New Sibling to the Family

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By Kennedy Keith, MSW, LSW – April 10, 2025 –

Welcoming a new sibling into the family is a momentous occasion that can significantly impact the dynamics within a household. Preparing your first child for the arrival of a second child requires thoughtful planning and sensitivity.

As a parent, it’s essential to ensure your firstborn feels secure, loved, and involved throughout this transition. Here are some key strategies for achieving a smooth adjustment period and fostering a positive relationship between siblings.

One of the most critical aspects of preparing your first child for the arrival of a new sibling is maintaining open communication. Depending on their age, your firstborn may not fully grasp the concept of a new baby or may have mixed emotions about the change. Use age-appropriate language and books about becoming a sibling to help them understand the process. Explain that the new baby will need lots of care and attention and reassure them that your love for them will remain unchanged.

Involving your first child in the preparations for the new baby can help them feel valued and included. Allow them to participate in setting up the baby’s room, picking out clothes, or even choosing a special toy for the baby. This involvement helps them see the baby as a positive addition rather than a rival. Moreover, encourage your firstborn to express their feelings and concerns about the baby’s arrival. Validating their emotions and addressing any fears they may have will help them process the upcoming changes.

Children thrive on routine, and changes can be unsettling. As you approach the birth of your second child, try to maintain as much consistency as possible in your firstborn’s daily routine. This includes regular mealtimes, bedtime rituals, and individual quality time with parents. If possible, involve a trusted friend or family member who can help maintain their routine during the early days after the baby’s arrival. Consistency provides stability and helps ease the transition for your firstborn.

After the baby arrives, it’s crucial to carve out special time for your firstborn. This “one-on-one” time can be as simple as reading a book together, playing a favorite game, or engaging in activities they enjoy. This reassures them that they still hold a significant place in your life despite the new demands on your attention. Encouraging family bonding activities that involve both siblings can also help foster a positive relationship from the start.

Celebrate and praise your firstborn’s positive interactions with the new baby. Encouragement and positive reinforcement can boost their confidence and help them feel proud of their new role as an older sibling. Highlight their efforts to help with tasks related to the baby and acknowledge their contributions with genuine appreciation.

Preparing your first child for the arrival of a second child involves a blend of clear communication, inclusive involvement, maintaining routines, and emotional support. By fostering an environment of love and stability, you can help your firstborn adjust more comfortably and build a strong, supportive sibling relationship. This careful preparation not only eases the transition but also lays the groundwork for a harmonious and affectionate family dynamic.

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Money Management Basics: Teaching Kids to be Financially Responsible

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By Abby Betz, MSW, LCSW – April 2, 2025 –

As working adults, many of us probably look forward to one specific day of the week – “payday.”  We understand the importance of being financially responsible and budgeting for bills and expenses, but when did we learn about this vital part of everyday life? Who taught us about money management? Did we learn this skill from our parents, at school from teachers, or through trial and error?

Money management and personal finance are important concepts that most of us don’t think twice about and just go through the motions to survive. However, many of us most likely wish we had learned the fundamentals sooner. Having a basic understanding of money management can actually give you an advantage when entering the workforce and lessen future anxiety about achieving financial stability. 

Unfortunately, most young people are not provided with the opportunity to learn about personal finance and how to be financially independent. Students are not being taught how to budget, invent, and save. In fact, according to the Council for Economic Education, in 2022 only 23 states required students to take a class in personal finance in order to graduate from high school.

As parents and guardians of young children, it is up to us to teach our children the importance of money management from an early age and ensure our kids are prepared to be successful in the future. It is crucial to introduce the value of money by first having children earn an allowance (and “double bonus” if the allowance is tied to a chore that also teaches responsibility and instills a strong work ethic.) By having your child earn an allowance, you are teaching them the value of money and they are also then able to make choices for themselves regarding how to spend their money.

As children turn into teenagers, it is important to encourage summer or part-time jobs to help teach financial responsibility. Research has shown that young people who have jobs are more likely to be better at saving and budgeting money as adults. Parents can help make sure a portion of a child’s paycheck is being saved, and it is okay to expect kids to help pay for minor expenses such as gas money and mall trips with friends. Introduce teenagers to the world of credit cards and discuss the concept of borrowing money and debt.

Helping set up a budget, making sure they understand employment benefits, and encouraging young adults to invest money as they get older is also vital information to have to make sound financial decisions.

Letting your children know you are available to help can reduce anxiety and overwhelming feelings they may experience as they venture out into the workforce. In addition, providing a positive example (and including your children when it is appropriate) of how to achieve your goals through budgeting, saving, and investing will give them confidence that they can do the same.

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