Help Your Child Avoid Negative Self-Talk
By Nolan Miller, MSW, LCSW – July 22, 2025 –
As a school-based mental health professional, I have observed that many students come into my office and talk negatively about themselves. They might say things like, “I have no friends. No one likes me. I am a loser.” When it comes to their schoolwork, they might say, “I am just dumb. I will never learn or understand this.”
This type of self-talk can be very harmful to anyone, but especially children. This leads them to have a fixed mindset where they firmly believe the negative things they say. They might stop playing with their friends at recess because, in their mind, no one wants to be their friend. They also might struggle in class due to not believing in themselves when it comes to completing homework or taking tests.
I have come to believe that most of the time, what these students are saying is not true. Quite often, negative self-talk arises out of frustration or anxiety about something else. One of the exercises I use with my students in this situation is to have them look in the mirror and say five positive things about themselves. I encourage them to do this outside of the office as well. This can establish a more positive pattern in their everyday lives, promoting a better mindset.
Another exercise that parents or guardians can do at home is to catch their child when they talk negatively towards themselves. Encourage them to see how the negative thoughts they are having are not true. Remind them of the amazing things they’ve accomplished in the past and of their potential to do good things in the future.
Journaling is another activity that can help. This can be done in many ways, but one exercise is to have your child write down positive affirmations every day when they wake up or go to bed. Another possibility is to have them write down a negative thought they’ve expressed and help them argue against it, with evidence to show that the thought is wrong.
Another important way to combat negative self-talk is for parents to lead by example. It is often difficult in today’s world to see the positive. However, showing our children that we struggle with this as well can help them not feel so alone. Working as a team will allow them to know that there are situations in today’s world that even adults might not fully understand.
If negative self-talk continues to be an issue with your child, reach out to your school’s Youth First Mental Health Professional or an outside mental health professional. Asking for help is always a step in the right direction.
