By Kelly McClarnon, MSW, LCSW – July 25, 2025 –

As an adult, can you imagine having to move from one house to another weekly, or even more frequently, while juggling schedules, belongings, and changes in rules and expectations? 

I imagine you are thinking how difficult this would be. Yet we expect children to do this without much thought after a parent’s separation or divorce. 

As a school social worker, providing emotional support for children experiencing the aftermath of divorce is a common occurrence in my office. When children experience the break-up of their parents’ marriage, not only do they feel a range of emotions, including sadness, shame, anger, relief, uncertainty, anxiety and fear, but they also often feel “out of sorts” and discombobulated. 

Transitions can be difficult for any child, but moving from one home to another weekly (or more) can feel overwhelming. It is common for a child to accidentally leave an item at the other parent’s home or forget to bring something when going from one house to the other. 

After working with many students ranging from ages 3-13 regarding the effects of divorce, I’ve listed some helpful tips to ensure the transition from one home to another runs more smoothly and the child feels supported:

1. Have a check-in as a family as soon as the child arrives at your home. Gently review expectations and allow them to express how things went while they were in the other parent’s care. Children do best when they know what to expect and have an opportunity to share what’s on their mind in a judgment-free environment.
   
2. Keep clothing, hygiene products and other items at each parent’s home so the child doesn’t have to pack a bag every time they transition and need only bring minimal items.
   
3. Ask them what can help the transitions be less stressful for them. Sometimes, it’s small acts from parents that make a big impact.
   
4. Do not talk negatively about the other parent. Your child is a part of them and they take this as criticism, which can negatively affect their self-esteem.
   
5. Discuss co-parenting strategies with the other parent. Routines and expectations should be similar across home environments. For instance, if this month’s chores at dad’s house are doing the dishes, keep the same schedule in your home. If bedtime is at 8:30 at mom’s house, make that the routine at dad’s house as well.
   
6. Create a structured and predictable environment in both homes.
   
7. If they want to call the other parent or they don’t feel like talking, respect your child’s feelings. It’s not personal. No one wants to feel obligated to call someone every night at a certain time.
   
8. Make visual checklists that children can see before transitioning so they remember the things they need to pack before leaving your home.
   
9. Expect a “transition period” for the first few hours they are back in your home. Be gentle with them, as this is not easy on top of grieving the divorce itself.
   
10. Do not hesitate to seek professional help with coparenting, if needed, or therapy for your child to express themselves in a neutral space to process their emotions.

Divorce is hard, not only for adults but also for the children who don’t have a choice in the matter. They must suffer the consequences of their parents’ decisions. This is why it is so important to work together to provide stability, security and routine across households to minimize the impact divorce has on your child.