Tag Archive for: Jayme Waddell

Becoming a Tuned In Parent

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By Jayme Waddell, MSW, LSW – January 29, 2025 –

Have you ever asked your child what they were thinking, only to get the response, “I don’t know?”

As frustrating as that answer is, it is probably true! The areas of the brain that handle planning and impulse control do not completely mature until about age 25. Therefore, while adults may see an unsafe behavior and avoid it, adolescents can’t always recognize the risk.

Without that impulse control, children are more likely to make quick decisions without thinking through the consequences. This is especially true when they see the behavior as something their peers or others on social media or video games are doing.

Staying connected with your child, knowing who and what they are involved with, and staying up to date about adolescent behavior trends will help you recognize signs your child may be engaging in something unsafe. Below are some tips to keep you “in the know” with your child.

  • Talk openly, talk often, and start now.

If you start talking with, and (most importantly) listening to, your child about things like peer relationships, substances, and personal safety at a young age, your child will know you are open to hearing what they have to say. Be careful that your words do not come across as a lecture. Instead, use open-ended questions to allow your child to talk freely. Remind your child it is safe for them to come to you about any topic.

  • Have clear family values.

What is important to you as a family? Does your child know what these values are? Make sure you are modeling family values and not just preaching them. Do not drink and drive, practice a positive online presence, and treat others with respect and kindness.

  • Have clear rules and consequences.

If you wait for a situation to arise to put rules and consequences in place, you are waiting too long. Work with your child to clearly define rules and consequences for breaking them. This encourages your child to follow them. Take time to redefine these with your child as they mature and are ready for more responsibility.

  • Monitor your child’s social interactions.

This applies to interactions both in person and online. Know who your child is spending physical time with and who the parents are. Take time to monitor your child’s social media, gaming, and texting interactions, as this is where some of the riskiest behaviors can occur. There are so many apps available to help in these areas. Make it an expectation that you are aware of these things.

  • Be a safety net when it comes to peer pressure.

If your child feels peer pressure to do risky things or is placed in an unsafe situation, help them think of ways to opt out. Develop a code word your child can text you that lets you know they need to be picked up immediately. Let them blame you for not being able to go somewhere they do not feel comfortable. Help your child come up with creative ways to respond when pressured.

  • Be a constant presence throughout the years.

We are sometimes fooled into thinking our teenagers no longer need us, a message that can be reinforced by their behavior. However, teens often need us even more as they navigate the world and are faced with more opportunities. Continue to check in, stay involved, and stay available throughout high school and beyond.


Adolescence is a time of exploration. Our children are trying to discover who they are, what group they belong to, what they like and do not like. Following these tips can help you be more tuned in to your child’s behavior and increase your success as a parent.

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Resolving Conflict with Empathy

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By Jayme Waddell, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

There is not a person around who is going say being a parent is easy. It is often a balancing act. We want kids to be self-sufficient, while also providing all the help we can. We want confident children, but they should also be humble.

Sometimes we focus so much on the strong and confident attributes we are trying to instill in our children that we forget some of the other very important traits they will need as they grow: empathy and conflict resolution skills. It might feel strange to put these two things together, but being able to feel empathy towards others will directly affect how they resolve conflict.  

As we build kids into strong, confident future leaders, we need to remember that leaders are also good listeners. Good leaders are also kind, can take criticism from others with grace, and can communicate their feelings in a healthy way. So how do we teach our kids skills like empathy and conflict resolution? 

Step 1: Modeling – The best thing we can do is model these behaviors for our children. When you’re out to eat at a busy restaurant and you feel the service is less than stellar, you can model empathy by making positive comments about how hard the people around you are working or how they might be short staffed.

There are also many opportunities to model patience for your child. When your child is arguing with a sibling, try to help them navigate their feelings. Ask them listen to each other, validate how each of them is feeling during their time to speak, and encourage positive solutions. Our children are great at generating creative ways to solve their own problems when given the opportunity.

Step 2: Look for teachable moments – These could be real life situations, or you could take time to talk through how they would handle situations in a book you’re reading together. Encourage them to think about how the characters might be feeling and why (creating the opportunity for them to be empathetic). Ask about what they might do if they were in that situation and what the results of those decisions might be. 

Step 3: Use “I” Messages – Communicate your own feelings with your child to help them learn how to communicate their feelings in the same way. I-messages sound like “I feel sad when you don’t let me play with you, will you please include me next time?” Helping your child learn how to use this type of phrasing at home and with their peers teaches them how to communicate in a non-combative way and encourages others to hear them without becoming defensive.  

Teaching our children these skills help empower them to have difficult conversations while building healthy and strong relationships. It is possible to have strong kids who are also kind and empathetic. These are the types of skills that help grow future leaders.  

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Learning How to Fail

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By Jayme Waddell, LSW – April 12, 2022

As a parent, my goal is always to help my children succeed. However, I have realized that kids actually need help learning how to fail. When we fail, we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and eventually succeed. This isn’t necessarily a new idea but one that I now understand better as a parent.

Failure is inevitable. If kids don’t learn how to tolerate failure, it can leave them vulnerable to anxiety and stress, which often results in meltdowns, regardless of age. It may also lead kids to give up altogether. Acquiring the skills necessary to cope with failure is a crucial part of success.

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”  – Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan, one of the greatest athletes in the world, has spent decades speaking about failure. He has discussed the importance of perseverance and resilience, both on and off the court. His legendary accomplishments and hard work have turned him into one of the most impactful basketball players of all time. Was he born a champion? No. Did he have a raw talent for the game? No. He was relentless and never gave up. He accepted failure as part of his success.

As the pressure to win increases, we see more kids getting distraught over the smallest error. Therefore, it is increasingly more important for kids to learn how to tolerate imperfection. I would argue that learning how to cope with these mistakes may be even more important than whatever lesson or skill they were working on at the time the mistake was made. Learning how to fail is a necessary part of accomplishing any goal. It is an important life skill for kids to master to become more independent and thrive in the future.

Teaching kids how to fail is a process that starts with empathy. Saying, “it’s okay,” “nice try,” or “you’ll do better next time” can invalidate the child’s feelings, which could lead to more frustration and disappointment. Try changing the approach to be more empathetic: “I can see that you are upset. I know you wanted to do better.”

Modeling how to handle your own disappointment can also be impactful. Sharing your failures and explaining that failure is part of life can help normalize setbacks. Children are not always exposed to the reality that we, as adults, make mistakes and experience failures. It’s important to teach our children that it is okay when things don’t always go according to plan.

Make failure a teachable moment. When a child fails, there is a great opportunity for parents to teach critical thinking skills like problem-solving, self-regulation, and open mindedness. Try helping your child figure out what could be done next time for potential success. This is all about balance – we want to build distress tolerance skills by accepting that the situation “is what it is” while also recognizing what we learned or what we can do differently next time.

Watching your child fail can be difficult, but learning how to handle mistakes can only be done through exposure. When we hover or try to protect our children from every misstep, we rob them of the very experiences that require problem-solving. We take away the opportunity for them to experience resiliency and build the confidence necessary to take on new challenges.

Learning how to fail can be a painful experience, but success can only be achieved after we have learned the skills necessary to cope with any obstacles life throws in our path.

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