Tag Archive for: motivation

Creating a Positive Relationship with Motivation

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By Yolanda Vidal, MA, LMHC, ATR – February 11, 2026 –

Motivation is often misunderstood as a personality trait, something you either have or you do not. In reality, motivation is a psychological state that fluctuates based on emotional regulation, self-perception, nervous system balance, and the perception of meaning. When labeling motivation solely as an individual’s discipline or willpower, we overlook the complex processes involved in making sustainable change possible.

Low motivation is rarely about laziness. More often, it is a signal of burnout, depression, anxiety, or unresolved trauma. When the nervous system is in survival mode, the brain prioritizes safety over development and growth. In these states, asking someone to “work harder” can feel invalidating and reinforce shame or negative self-worth.

Creating a positive relationship with motivation involves reframing motivation not as force, but as alignment within your life. Taking time to identify stressors, creating sustainable lifestyle changes, and increasing self-care can be pivotal pieces to balancing one’s relationship with motivation.

The foundation of motivation involves maintaining emotional safety. Chronic stress, perfectionism, and low self-worth can activate the brain’s response system to threats. When this response is activated, the brain’s ability to make decisions is impacted. Our bodies are not meant to function in this survival state for long periods of time. One of the most effective first steps in rebuilding motivation and increasing emotional safety is developing self-compassion.

Self-compassion techniques, such as positive self-talk and normalization, can help reduce overall stress, increase positive self-worth, and decrease feelings of resistance. When individuals learn to speak to themselves with the same empathy that they would offer a loved one, motivation becomes less about fear of failure and more about curiosity and self-respect. Self-compassion supports greater resiliency and a positive relationship with motivation.

To ensure emotional safety, emotional regulation is necessary. Motivation cannot be sustained without a regulated nervous system. Utilizing different mindfulness and grounding techniques can help bring the body out of chronic fight-or-flight and into a state where action feels accessible.

Simple interventions such as deep breathing techniques, body scanning, or brief mindfulness check-ins can significantly decrease stress and improve emotional regulation. When individuals learn to notice how they are functioning internally, they can respond with regulation rather than avoidance. Motivation becomes a byproduct of feeling capable rather than overwhelmed. This is particularly important for individuals with anxiety or trauma histories, where avoidance is often a protective response. By addressing emotional regulation, motivation naturally improves as the nervous system stabilizes.

Sustainable motivation is deeply connected to meaning. Values-based actions and motivation can support long-term engagement and positively impact one’s mental health overall. Identifying core values can open motivation to personal connections that feel meaningful to individuals rather than forced. When actions and goals align with personal values, motivation shifts from “I should” to “This matters to me.”

Management is key when looking to increase motivation. Motivation can improve when goals and tasks are broken into small, achievable steps. Large goals and tasks can often feel unachievable or impossible to complete. Even minimal action, such as five minutes of action, can build confidence and challenge feelings of avoidance. Over time, motivation becomes reinforced through consistent experiences and utilization of skills rather than pressure, shame, or guilt.

Ultimately, motivation is not something to conquer. It is something to listen to. When individuals learn to view motivation as a relationship with themselves, rather than a performance metric, change becomes gentler and more sustainable. Building a positive relationship with motivation honors feeling understood, regulated, and aligned with one’s values. Within this positive relationship, motivation stops being a battle and becomes the natural process of change connected to taking care of ourselves.


Yolanda Vidal, MA, LMHC, ATR, is a Youth First Mental Health Professional at McGary Middle School in Vanderburgh County. Youth First, Inc., is a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening youth and families. Youth First provides over 100 highly trained mental health professionals (primarily master’s level social workers), prevention programs, parent engagement coordinators, and bilingual support personnel to 130 schools across 14 Indiana counties. Over 55,000 youth and families each year are served by Youth First’s school-based social work and community programs that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. To learn more about Youth First, visit youthfirstinc.org or call 812-421-8336.

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Life Skills Every Child Needs

By Christine Weinzapfel-Hayden, LCSW, Courier & Press, June 20, 2017 –

Many of us remember that when we graduated from high school we were not truly prepared for “real life” outside the classroom.  Sure, we probably learned basic history, math and English skills, but we may not have mastered some of the other concepts we needed to be successful in life.

Summer is a great time to work with your child on some of these essential life skills.  Successfulstudent.org provides a list of important basics to teach our children:

  • Saving: We need to spend less than we earn.  Teach your child at an early age to put part of the money received or earned in the bank.  Help your child set a savings goal, work toward their goal and then make the purchase of the saved-for item.
  • Budgeting: Teach your child the simple skills involved with establishing and following a budget.  Practicing this concept early on will make budgeting easier when they are an adult.
  • Charity: Encourage your child to give to charity – money, time and talents — as they are able.
  • Critical Thinking: Introduce critical thinking, the objective analysis and evaluation of a situation or issue in order to form a judgment.  Teach your child ways to look up information if they have a question that requires a thought-out answer or opinion.
  • Positive Thinking: It is important to have a positive outlook on life.  By helping your child find solutions instead of just registering complaints, they will learn to believe in themselves and block out negative self-talk and thinking.
  • Motivation: Teach your child that motivation is the key to reaching a goal.  Help them learn different strategies for self-motivation.
  • Compassion: Help your child put themselves in the shoes of someone else.  Help them understand and find ways to ease others’ suffering.
  • Listening: Children need to learn to listen attentively and respectfully, understand what is being said and empathize with others.
  • Basic Auto Mechanics: Both boys and girls need to know the basics of how a car works, what might break down and how it can be fixed (how to pump gas, check the oil, change a flat tire, etc.).
  • Household: When you are fixing things around the house, explain the process to your child.  Basic understanding of home repairs and maintenance can prepare your child for living on their own.
  • Cleaning: Teach your child how to do laundry, clean a house properly and keep living quarters clean and uncluttered.  Show them how to set up a weekly and monthly cleaning routine.  Instead of just telling them what needs to be done, teach them the process and then encourage them to do it on their own.
  • Be present: Live in the present and enjoy life.  Develop a close relationship with your child and model appropriate relationships with your spouse, family members and friends.  Teach them the skills for developing these types of close relationships and the importance of working through the bumpy parts as well.

Through modeling, teaching and being present with your child you are helping them prepare for the classroom outside of school – life!

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