Tag Archive for: Niki Walls

Letting Go of Perfectionism

, ,

By Niki Walls, MSW, LSW – October 29, 2025 –

When’s the last time you tried something new without worrying about whether you would be good at it? As children, we would happily play and try something new; we were not consumed with thoughts of failure. However, as adults, we often avoid hobbies unless we believe we can master them.

At what point in our lives does this change-up happen? How can we be successful role models to students, expect them to improve, and not add to the pressure of perfectionism? 

We live in a society that thrives on performance, productivity, and perfection. This can be harmful when dealing with children. Students often feel pressured to be perfect at everything they do. If they are unsure if they will be good at something, they may avoid it altogether. The way society has made “good enough” seem like “not enough” will often push students to the point of not trying at all.

The message students need to hear is that they do not have to be perfect, or even good, at something to help them grow. Even without perfection, a hobby, physical activity, or passion can greatly support a student’s mental well-being. The fear of failure is holding many students back from reaching their full potential. Studies show that trying new activities boosts creativity, lowers stress, and even helps build resilience. 

When students only do what they are already good at, they may miss out on experiences that could bring them new joy, diverse friendships, and valuable life skills. When students try something new without the added pressure of being perfect, they can build resiliency, boost their confidence, encourage creativity, and have a positive outlet for stress. It also takes the pressure off for them to feel like they must perform well to be worthy of love or attention. Children need to learn the art of normalizing mistakes, not fearing them, while also shifting their brain from fight-or-flight to a state of calm. 

As adults, we can encourage this mindset by praising their effort over the mastery or perfectionism. Teachers and parents can also model imperfection. Try something new, give yourself grace when you fail, and laugh it off when things do not go as planned. This will model just how safe it is to take risks without fear of embarrassment.  

Growing up can be stressful and full of pressure for students, but not everything has to be about perfect grades, scores, or achievement. Encourage students to “fail” so they can explore who they really are while discovering new passions and building confidence. When we let go of being perfect at something, we permit ourselves to enjoy it. That joy can be a surprisingly powerful tool for our mental health. Maybe the shift starts by picking one thing you can do “badly” on purpose. Not only will it lighten your mood, but you might just have more fun than you have had in a long time. 

/by

Parents Play a Critical Role in Substance Misuse Prevention

, ,

By Niki Walls, MSW, LSW – March 20, 2025 –

The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) classifies substance use disorder as a medical illness that can be characterized by impairments to health, social functions, and voluntary control over substance use.

People are often intimidated by the topic of substance use and addiction, as it can be a scary topic to broach. However, it is crucial for parents to begin talking to their children about this as early as possible. Parents should have a strong relationship with their children early on to be able to address this heavy topic openly. It is beneficial to learn strategies to show them what to do instead of what they should not do.

In order to effectively address addiction, it is important that parents and children understand that everyone is at risk for addiction. Children and teens will often operate under the impression that addiction cannot happen to them because they believe the stereotypes that come with it.

Addiction is not something that people plan for; it can happen after just trying something that ends up altering their brain chemistry. Many younger people may also believe that they are invincible or the substances are a harmless way to have fun. What they do not understand is that these substances are physically altering the way their brains are developing if they try them at a young age.

Parents play a critical role in prevention of substance misuse, as they are often their children’s most influential role models. Actions are more important than words in most cases, and this is extremely important to model here. It is crucial for parents to model healthy coping skills when life is hard. For example, if a parent has had a rough day, it would be more beneficial for the child to see them go for a walk to cope with that rather than having multiple drinks.

If you do choose to turn to a substance, children should see that you are doing it in a healthy amount and not as an escape. Children need healthy escape strategies, such as mindfulness, rather than ones that could lead to a dangerous path. A great example of a positive mindfulness escape could be a strategy where all of the senses are utilized to distract the child from what is causing them stress. By teaching mindfulness strategies and other positive coping skills, parents can foster a safe environment where a child feels comfortable expressing themselves in healthy ways instead of turning to substances.

Children might need assistance in learning boundaries in order to keep them safe. Boundaries are extremely important for kids to learn early on, and they will be extremely helpful to aid them in prevention. Giving children boundaries and teaching them how to set boundaries with others will help them stand strong when they are put in a difficult situation on the spot. The types of friendships that they choose are crucial to being able to set boundaries and avoid temptation.

Ensuring that your children are making good friends can be critical to the path they end up taking. They are influenced by their friends just as they are influenced by the media. Substance abuse exposure can easily begin to add up by exposure on social media, their friends, in their music, by their parents, and on TV. Do not be fooled by thinking this exposure is normal for teens.

Early intervention can be provided in various settings. It is important that children are exposed to early intervention in order for them to understand and keep them on the right track. Do not underestimate addiction or think that it will never happen to your family. Act now and provide your child with necessary life skills.

/by

Routines Provide Stability for Kids

,

By Niki Walls, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

With so much uncertainty the past few years, many young people have not been in the habit of sticking to a normal daily routine. Research proves that routines support early childhood emotional development. Familiar patterns and activities can provide comfort to children during uncertain times.

Children with regular home routines usually have better self-regulation skills, which means they are better at identifying their feelings and are less likely to become overwhelmed. Children can be more confident and secure when their day-to-day activities are predictable.

Routines are important for children of any age, as they are crucial to a healthy functioning family unit. When children can engage consistently with the same adults and children, they are able to develop relationships with others. This promotes strong social skills, allows them to gain a sense of belonging, and raises their confidence in interacting with others.

Routines do not have to be complex; it is important to keep it simple, especially with younger children. A good way to start is by breaking down the scheduled tasks that naturally occur to create a routine. For example, everyone wakes up in the morning. To create a morning wake-up routine, parents can set a specific time and choose an appropriate method for their children to wake up.

Parents should make sure they review the schedule every morning (and throughout the day) so their child can prepare for what is next on the agenda. The entire day does not have to fall apart if the routine gets off track, but it is important to stick to the same schedule as much as possible.

Parents can start implementing routines into the family’s daily life in various ways. Ensuring the routine is repeated continuously is a way to ensure it sticks. Parents can also use visuals by writing out the schedule for older kids or using pictures for younger children. If possible, it is important for adults to make the children aware in advance if there will be any changes to the schedule.

Routines give children a sense of stability and safety. If children know what to expect, they do not have to be on edge and can be more true to their authentic self. It is important for parents to remember that routines can’t be established overnight. A routine needs to be repeated often for it to become a natural habit.

Children who develop self-regulation through routine will build healthier mental health habits and typically handle unexpected stressors more effectively than their peers. Establishing a few new routines for your family is a great way to provide support and stability amidst the hustle and bustle of day-to-day life.

/by

Developing Resiliency in Children

,

By Niki Walls, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Resiliency is something many of our children utilize unknowingly every day. So, what exactly is resiliency? Resiliency is building immunity to stressors and adversity; or in other words, the many ways we can adapt and learn from stressful experiences. Resiliency is more of an adaptive skill that is trainable and less of a fixed personality trait.

Developing resiliency can help students stand up to bullies, lose a competitive event with grace, say no to negative influences, and even cope with traumatic experiences like abuse or neglect. The adverse childhood experiences that some children face do not discriminate by age, gender, or location, although certain populations are more vulnerable. Although we all face stressors of various kinds, the way we are taught to cope with those stressors determines our ability to overcome adversity.

Resiliency can be tricky to measure because not all stressful events are the same. The way children respond to stressors can influence the severity of the stressor itself. Some situations may seem mild to some and very serious to others. Sometimes stressors are short lived while others last quite a long time.

The way children learn from stressful experiences is a key part of building resiliency. They must be able to grow and adapt from the stressful events they face instead of accepting defeat. Focusing on the growth perspective and positive circumstances will help them improve their ability to bounce back from stressful situations. Working on developing appropriate coping skills and mindfulness strategies is also important when considering resiliency development.

In the past few years, our children have faced multiple stressful events. They have lived through a pandemic and the challenges it brought with it, such as virtual learning, heightened anxiety, financial hardships, loss, and more. Children have proved their resiliency in ways adults had not prepared them for. While it has been challenging, children have been able to grow and strengthen their resiliency despite negative circumstances.

The world can only hope children are able to look back on some of the difficult events that unfolded in the last few years and recognize the ways they became stronger. As adult role models, we can model resiliency for our children by managing our responses to these types of stressful events. The more we respond capably to adversity in front of children, the more we increase their resiliency and the likelihood they grow to become healthy, well-adjusted young adults.

/by

Setting Healthy Boundaries

,

By Niki Walls, LSW – March 24, 2022 –

Boundaries are something many of us struggle with. We all need to set boundaries to function and have successful relationships. As parents and caregivers, it is just as important to give our children boundaries. It is a parent’s job to know what their child is doing, where they are, who they talk to, and to ensure they are safe.

As much as kids need boundaries, they also hate them. Kids will test and push grown-ups to get as much freedom as they possibly can. While it may seem annoying and burdensome that children are pushing back, this behavior is actually essential to their development. Parents also want their children to grow to be independent and mature, but they cannot do that without learning through trial and error.

Parents need to be mindful of the line between healthy boundaries and smothering or controlling their children. Allowing room for failure and accepting it with grace is a huge piece of building trust and respect in the boundary-setting process. Parents should not be so strict in their rules or so harsh in their punishments that kids are afraid to be truthful with them.

When children do break the rules or push the boundaries, it is important that adults are able to keep their own emotions in check. If parents or caregivers are reacting to the extreme, children will get better at hiding things from them in order to avoid the harsh reaction. One of the most crucial steps parents can take is to build trust with their children and emphasize that they are human beings who will mess up.

With a warm and loving relationship established, parents can begin setting rules concerning their child’s safety. Children will begin to see that the rules are there for the ultimate purpose of keeping them safe. Along with safety rules comes society’s rules. Children will have more respect for the rules they see others following.

While it is important to set clear rules, it is also important to talk to your teens about them. As adults, it is important to teach kids how to be self-advocates and voice their needs. If children feel their opinion matters, they will be more likely to buy into the rest of the rules.

For example, let’s say that your child has a curfew of 9pm every night. Your child might come to you occasionally and ask for an hour extension on their curfew to watch a movie premiere or the end of a game. If you can be flexible and negotiate with them, they will have more respect for you and will be less likely to sneak out later or blatantly miss curfew. Especially as your children grow older and earn your trust, it is important to ensure your rules and expectations are reflecting your trust and respect in them.

By establishing a loving relationship and age-appropriate expectations, parents can feel confident that their children will grow up to be respectable members of society. Starting children off with a firm and supportive foundation will allow them the opportunity to grow into the best versions of themselves.

/by