By Emily Bernhardt, MSW, LSW – August 22, 2024 –

Active listening is a skill that can be used to strengthen relationships with anyone we encounter or communicate with. It can be useful when engaging with clients, coworkers, friends, family and even strangers, but it is especially helpful when we use these skills to interact with our children. So often children can feel unheard and misunderstood when seeking support from adults, but implementing active listening skills when having conversations with them can make all the difference.

There are several components that go into active listening. Think about it like this: These skills are behaviors that allow the person you are communicating with to see and feel that you are truly listening to them. Making sure the person has your full attention is a great place to start. Put away your phone, work, or any other distractions and focus completely on your child and what they have to say to you.

Another great active listening skill is to paraphrase back to your child what you think you are hearing them say. This shows you are listening, and it is also helps ensure you are accurately understanding what they are conveying. They then have the opportunity to rephrase anything you may have misunderstood.

Another great active listening skill is using gestures and other forms of nonverbal communication to show you are paying attention to what your child is saying. Make eye contact and give simple head nods as they speak. If you have small children, getting down on their level is something that can help them feel more connected to you in that moment.

One important thing to remember about active listening is that it is all about helping your child feel heard; it does not mean you have to agree with everything they say. It is absolutely okay to acknowledge your child’s thoughts or wishes, express your gratitude for their willingness to share, and then let them know why you have a differing perspective.

It can feel uncomfortable to listen to our children when they are struggling or going through a challenge. Often adults feel like they need to know the “right” thing to say, but in some situations even offering support through a hug or just being present with your child is enough.  

All in all, everyone likes to feel heard when communicating with others, even adults. Our children are no different. Learning active listening skills can positively impact family relationships and help strengthen bonds between caregiver and child. The more heard and supported our children feel when communicating with us, the more likely they are going to be open and share when it really matters most. Taking the time to learn and practice active listening skills is one great step in doing your part to cultivate a healthy and supportive relationship with your child.