By Jayme Waddell, MSW, LSW – January 29, 2025 –

Have you ever asked your child what they were thinking, only to get the response, “I don’t know?”

As frustrating as that answer is, it is probably true! The areas of the brain that handle planning and impulse control do not completely mature until about age 25. Therefore, while adults may see an unsafe behavior and avoid it, adolescents can’t always recognize the risk.

Without that impulse control, children are more likely to make quick decisions without thinking through the consequences. This is especially true when they see the behavior as something their peers or others on social media or video games are doing.

Staying connected with your child, knowing who and what they are involved with, and staying up to date about adolescent behavior trends will help you recognize signs your child may be engaging in something unsafe. Below are some tips to keep you “in the know” with your child.

• Talk openly, talk often, and start now.

If you start talking with, and (most importantly) listening to, your child about things like peer relationships, substances, and personal safety at a young age, your child will know you are open to hearing what they have to say. Be careful that your words do not come across as a lecture. Instead, use open-ended questions to allow your child to talk freely. Remind your child it is safe for them to come to you about any topic.

• Have clear family values.

What is important to you as a family? Does your child know what these values are? Make sure you are modeling family values and not just preaching them. Do not drink and drive, practice a positive online presence, and treat others with respect and kindness.

• Have clear rules and consequences.

If you wait for a situation to arise to put rules and consequences in place, you are waiting too long. Work with your child to clearly define rules and consequences for breaking them. This encourages your child to follow them. Take time to redefine these with your child as they mature and are ready for more responsibility.

• Monitor your child’s social interactions.

This applies to interactions both in person and online. Know who your child is spending physical time with and who the parents are. Take time to monitor your child’s social media, gaming, and texting interactions, as this is where some of the riskiest behaviors can occur. There are so many apps available to help in these areas. Make it an expectation that you are aware of these things.

• Be a safety net when it comes to peer pressure.

If your child feels peer pressure to do risky things or is placed in an unsafe situation, help them think of ways to opt out. Develop a code word your child can text you that lets you know they need to be picked up immediately. Let them blame you for not being able to go somewhere they do not feel comfortable. Help your child come up with creative ways to respond when pressured.

• Be a constant presence throughout the years.

We are sometimes fooled into thinking our teenagers no longer need us, a message that can be reinforced by their behavior. However, teens often need us even more as they navigate the world and are faced with more opportunities. Continue to check in, stay involved, and stay available throughout high school and beyond.

Adolescence is a time of exploration. Our children are trying to discover who they are, what group they belong to, what they like and do not like. Following these tips can help you be more tuned in to your child’s behavior and increase your success as a parent.