Tag Archive for: YouthFirst2023

Encouraging Responsibility in our Children

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By Christine Weinzapfel-Hayden, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase “the days are long, but the years are short.” Nothing makes that feel more true than when preparing your youngest to fly the coop. Looking back on my years of parenting there is a lot I have learned, trial by fire and all.

My role as a mental health professional gives me a unique view of parenthood, but no amount of education prepared me for all the curveballs life would throw along the way. My primary goal as a parent has always been to raise strong, independent children. I want them to feel confident when they enter the world. So how do we do this? How do we prepare our children for adulthood while still letting them be kids?

The first step is always being their biggest cheerleader. Make sure from the earliest stages of life they know you support them in their successes and their failures. Encourage them to take risks and support them when they’re scared. Being there to provide the emotional support they need will help them feel more confident in their ability to take life on as they mature.

Allow your kids to find their voice. Let them question decisions and walk them through why you make the choices you make. One thing we often get wrong in life is that confrontation means fighting. Healthy confrontation allows for growth and open, honest communication. Your child questioning your decisions doesn’t have to mean disrespect; rather, it can be a learning moment for everyone involved. It also allows you to help walk your child through their emotions, communicate clearly, and find healthy coping skills when things don’t go as expected.

I attended a training course a few years ago by renowned pediatrician Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, and one analogy stuck with me. It explained that as parents, our roles are to be the edges of life’s puzzle. Our kids have the job of filling in the rest of the pieces. They’re going to make mistakes and might try to put pieces in the wrong spots from time to time. We’re just providing the boundaries in which they work.

This analogy is beautiful to me and really speaks to the importance of providing guidance to our children. Life will hand them plenty of natural consequences when they put the pieces in the wrong place, and we will support them through those struggles. We’re giving them the opportunities to take on new roles and responsibilities within their lives.

It’s also important to remember that as kids grow, we need to give them more responsibilities and space to make their own decisions. Let them make their own appointments and phone calls when needed. Age-appropriate responsibilities as our babies turn into young adults will help them feel confident when advocating for themselves as adults. As much as we want them to be, they won’t be babies forever, so let’s teach them the skills they need to be self-sufficient, happy adults.

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Helping a Child Grieve

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Youth First, Camp Memories

By Callie Sanders, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Did you know that children experience grief differently than adults? Most children are aware of death even if they do not understand it fully. Experiencing grief firsthand can be very confusing to children at any age. They may go from upset and crying one minute, to play and positivity the next. Encouraging the child to express their feelings nurtures positive coping skills that facilitate healthy grieving.

One way to help is to be aware of the age of the child when discussing death and loss.  According to psychiatrist Gail Saltz, MD, “Children understand that death is bad, but the concept of ‘forever’ is just not present.” Younger children may regress to behaviors such as bed wetting or having accidents after potty training. They may also become anxious and clingy after the loss of a loved one.

Be selective about how much information you share with the child. Be direct and do not use euphemisms such as a loved one “went to sleep.” This not only makes a child scared of bedtime, but it can also interfere with healthy coping strategies.

Teenagers experience grief differently than adults as well. They may feel waves of grief and begin to withdraw from family and activities they enjoy. Providing children of all ages with patience and stability will help develop healthy coping strategies.

It is important to remember that children are not always able to express their emotions verbally. Other useful outlets include appropriate play, drawing pictures, creating a scrapbook, looking at photo albums, and storytelling. Draw a picture of memories of the individual who was lost. Create a scrapbook of the deceased loved one so the child will have a special creation to look back on when they are sad. Allow the child to journal so they can express their thoughts and feelings about the loss.

Giving a child several outlets encourages them to work through their grieving process. It is also important to stick to a routine. Even if it is difficult, make sure some of their usual routines happen. For instance, allow the child time to play with friends or attend an extracurricular activity. This will give the child a sense of stability and comfort.

Lastly, let children work through their grief in their own way while keeping in mind they may not be ready to open up about it. Grieving is not linear. Be supportive and leave the door open for children to share their thoughts and feelings about loss whenever it feels right.

Most importantly, remember you are not alone. If you feel your child needs additional guidance while grieving a loss, reach out to your school’s Youth First Mental Health Professional or contact your pediatrician. Also, Youth First offers a bereavement program called Camp Memories for children ages 6-18 who have experienced the death of a family member or loved one. Visit https://youthfirstinc.org/portfolio-item/campmemories/ to learn more about Camp Memories.

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Regulating Emotions

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By Valorie Dassel, MSW, LCSW, LCAC, Youth First, Inc.

In the era of social media, we’ve probably all watched a viral video of an adult throwing a temper tantrum in public. Imagine if the people in those videos had the skills to calm themselves down before expressing a reaction.

If they were able express their emotions in a healthy way, imagine how different and more in-control of themselves they’d feel. Imagine how much stronger their relationships could be if they possessed emotional regulation skills.

The benefits of having quality emotional regulation skills are boundless. Being able to regulate emotions allows a person to identify their feelings and choose an appropriate reaction that will not result in negative consequences.

As an adult and a parent, being able to regulate my emotions helps me be the calm in my child’s storm. It’s hard to help someone else regulate when you’re not regulated yourself. For children, having self-regulation skills will allow them to feel more confident, respond better to conflict, and build healthier friendships.

Now we know why these skills are important, how can we learn to consistently model self-regulation skills? First, let’s note that not all emotional dysregulation looks like fit throwing. According to Psych Central, it can also look like crying spells, binge eating, self-harm, and poor frustration tolerance. When we notice these symptoms in ourselves or our children it is important to move in the direction of regaining control of the emotions and responding appropriately.

Becoming dysregulated is a limbic system reaction. Calming yourself with sensory input can be a great first step when feeling dysregulated. Ideas for sensory input include a tight hug, petting a pet, holding ice cubes, or listening to calming music.

Grounding techniques can also be very helpful in bringing a dysregulated person back to the present. Grounding techniques look like identifying things outside of you in the moment (five things you see, four things you hear, three things you feel or touch, two things you smell, and one thing you taste.) Using all five senses can have a quick calming effect.

Once the work has been done to calm the initial reaction, take time to acknowledge what the feeling really is. Maybe it is anger, or maybe it is frustration, jealousy, disappointment, or fear.

The next step is to identify that actions can be taken to move through this moment. If you’re helping your child manage these emotions, you might also have to help them identify the natural consequences that could come with decisions they make.

If you have a child who is struggling with emotional regulation the best place to start is by ensuring you’re modeling healthy regulation skills yourself. It is always okay to seek professional assistance if you feel it is needed for you or your child.

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How to Help Your Perfectionist Child

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By Brooke Skipper, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

If you have a perfectionist child, you most likely already know it. You’ve witnessed the crying episodes, self-doubt, and meltdowns. Perfectionist children set unrealistic goals and then place enormous pressure on themselves to reach those goals.

While it’s good for kids to hold high expectations of themselves, those seeking perfection will never be satisfied with their performance. To a perfectionist child, a 99% on a test is often a failure.

Additional warning signs of a child with perfectionist tendencies can include high anxiety surrounding failure, trouble making decisions or procrastinating to avoid tasks, or difficulty completing tasks because the work is “never good enough.” You may also notice that your child is overly self-critical, self-conscious, and easily embarrassed.

Perfectionist children seek our reassurance constantly, but this is only a band-aid. It does not necessarily change their all-or-nothing thinking. When we meet our child’s feelings of anxiety, frustration, and failure by saying “You’re okay,” or “It will be fine,” it creates a disconnect between their emotions and our response.

Perfectionist children genuinely do not feel they are okay or that it will be fine. A more helpful response is to meet our child where they are and connect with the emotion they are presenting. You can do this by helping them label the emotion they are feeling. Say something like, “I can see you are feeling anxious about making a mistake.”

Other steps we can use to help change our child’s perfectionist thinking include the following:

Make a point to monitor our own expectations for our child. Are we fueling their perfectionist tendencies by setting unrealistic goals?

  1. Praise the effort instead of the outcome. When we focus on the process rather than the result, we help our children build grit and perseverance. This can look as simple as saying, “I love seeing you practicing your math problems,” instead of, “Great job getting an A on your math test!”
  2. Universalize making mistakes and model healthy ways to handle them. Is your own inner voice too critical? Acknowledging our own mistakes to our children goes a long way in helping them feel less pressure to be perfect.
  3. Teach healthy coping skills. Although failure is uncomfortable, it’s not intolerable. Teach your child how to deal with disappointment, rejection, and mistakes in a healthy way. Talking to a friend, writing in a journal, or drawing a picture are just a few coping skills that could help them deal with their feelings.
  4. Whether your child is melting down on the athletic field after a missed play or spending hours critiquing their image, the all-or-nothing thinking of perfectionism can be damaging to their quality of life.

Perfectionists may be at a higher risk for depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Paying attention to your child’s behavior and supporting them through their perfectionist thinking is a helpful way to ensure a strong and healthy future.

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Making a Mental Health Checklist to Prepare Students for College

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By Abby Betz, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Now that our youngest children are back in school, it is time to start thinking about college-aged students returning to campus. We spend lots of time preparing our youngsters for going “back to school,” but what about our college students? Are we preparing our young adults for what lies ahead of them in the real world?

Not only is it important for these students to prepare themselves for the responsibilities of living independently, but it is also important for college-aged students to think about protecting their emotional well-being before they even set foot on campus.

Many college students have thought of the necessities needed for school – computers, mini fridges, parking passes, and other supplies. But have these students and their parents considered what tools they may need to support themselves on an emotional level?

In a 2017 survey by WebMD and the JED Foundation, 40 percent of over 700 guardians and parents said they did not discuss the potential for developing either anxiety or depression with their children getting ready to attend college. Additionally, most parents reported access to on-campus mental health services was not a factor in choosing a school for their child.

Unfortunately, many teenage and college-aged students struggle with their mental health. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, more than 1 in 3 high school students have experienced feelings of persistent sadness or hopelessness. 

These problems do not seem to go away once they arrive on campus. Continued studies are showing a decline in mental health across the country among college students. Experts recommend that parents and students take the necessary steps to ensure they have a plan to address mental health issues if they arise.

It is vital for a student with already existing mental health disorders to connect with a counselor prior to arriving on campus. However, it could be beneficial for any student to contact the counseling center and become educated on services provided if needed. It is also important to be aware of other supportive services being offered, such as tutoring, academic advising, student activities, and career services.

Extracurricular activities and clubs also help students connect with others and create a sense of belonging to help combat feelings of loneliness and isolation. Students should also be mindful of how they eat, sleep, and socialize. If basic needs are neglected, this can make developing a healthy lifestyle more difficult and lead to a decline in mental health.

Discussing alcohol consumption and setting healthy boundaries is another important conversation that parents need to have with their college-aged children to help them be mentally prepared for new situations.

The transition from high school to college can be life changing and challenging. Students and parents must work together to create a plan that best fits the needs of each student. This plan should include a mental health checklist to protect the emotional well-being of the student. Prioritizing mental health should be something we all strive to achieve.

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Ascension St. Vincent Evansville Awards $17,000 to Strengthen Kids

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Grant to Support Youth First Services in Diocese of Evansville Catholic Schools

Ascension St. Vincent Evansville has awarded $17,000 to Youth First, Inc. for vital services and programs in Diocese of Evansville Catholic schools.

Youth First’s purpose is to strengthen the mental health and well-being of young people so they can live safe, healthy, and productive lives. This year 86 Youth First Social Workers and Mental Health Professionals, along with evidence-based prevention programs, are embedded in 119 schools across 12 Indiana counties and accessible to over 50,000 students, their parents and caregivers.

Ascension St. Vincent Evansville’s gift will help provide service to 24 Catholic schools across five counties, including 13 in Vanderburgh County.

The U.S. Surgeon General, American Academy of Pediatrics, and others have declared a national youth mental health crisis, as suicide rates and drug overdoses have soared in the wake of the Covid-19 pandemic. Youth First’s data since the start of the pandemic mirrors the national concerns. Over the last several school years, Youth First’s caseload data reflected a 58 percent increase for suicide risk, an 84 percent increase in interventions for immediate behavioral concerns, and a 73 percent increase in teacher/staff consultations, with a growing number of educators seeking support for their own stress as well as their students’ needs.

Youth First embeds mental health professionals, primarily master’s level, licensed social workers, in schools to serve as specialized mentors for students and prevention coaches for parents and teachers. They also coordinate with community partners to connect students and families to resources and services. They build caring relationships, foster readiness for positive change, and boost resiliency along with other valuable life skills. Research shows these protective factors are the keys to preventing addiction, suicide, violence, and similar outcomes for young people. The organization’s positive outcomes are driving growth, with more schools seeking Youth First’s help to address the mental health needs of students and best equip them for success. Youth First services are free for students and families thanks to funding partners like Ascension St. Vincent Evansville.  

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“Smart” Ways of Managing Anxiety

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By Heather Miller, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Sometimes anxiety happens without much warning. One minute everything is fine. The next minute, “what- ifs” can become all consuming. 

Typically, teens and adults have a smartphone readily accessible. It may be feasible to grab your phone and try the following tips to help manage anxiety.

  1. Set reminders. For an individual who has anxious thoughts, being proactive is nearly as important as being reactive. Set reminders on your phone with positive self-affirmations. The frequency can be determined by how often they are needed. Psych-Central.com has suggested affirmations to help get started, such as “I inhale peace and exhale worry.” Using your phone’s calendar app, set up positive self-affirmations to pop up as notifications throughout the day.
  1. Use a timer. Studies show that anxiety typically peaks 10 minutes into an episode. Within 20 minutes, the most intense anxiety symptoms have passed. Amid the emotion, time can feel like it is standing still. Set a timer for 15-20 minutes. During this time, give yourself permission to feel anxious while practicing deep breathing, positive self-talk, or other healthy coping skills. Remind yourself that this feeling is not permanent and it will pass. Once the timer goes off, take a few more deep breaths and move forward with the day.
  1. Write down your worries. Anxiety has the power to distort rational thinking. Often, anxiety leads to fearing dismal outcomes for everyday situations. When a worry pops up, take a minute to document it on a Notes page. Write down the worry and feared outcome. At the end of the day, review the list. How many turned out to be true? Typically, not very many at all. Use this as proof that most anxiety distortions are not cemented in truth.
  1. Distract yourself. Often worries are rooted in fear of what cannot be controlled. There may not be a single thing that can change our inability to control an outcome. Rather than sitting in fear, play a game on your phone to serve as a distraction. Our brains are not wired to truly multi-task. If we focus on a game or another distraction that makes us think, our brains will turn off the task of worrying, at least temporarily.

Anxiety is a natural part of life and serves a purpose. However, if anxiety becomes too frequent or intense, working with a mental health professional may be helpful. If you feel as though you or your child are experiencing frequent and intense anxiety, please reach out to your school’s Youth First Social Worker. They can help link you with resources for learning to manage anxiety as well as assist in supporting your child.

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Fidgets: They Are Not Just Toys

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By Lisa Glahn, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

From time to time, we all have the need to burn off energy; some more than others. Personally, I tend to click my pens, bounce my legs, and tap my feet. Sometimes I am not even aware that I am fidgeting until someone calls my attention to it. This can be distracting to my coworkers in the room but helps me focus and concentrate. In a school setting these tendencies can be particularly distracting for a student’s classmates.

Recently while working with a student, I suggested a fidget to help him regulate his emotions. He declined because he didn’t want a toy. While some of these fidgets look like toys, they are actually therapeutic devices. Fidgets are handheld devices that help with self-regulation and focus and allow people to better cope with feelings of boredom, anxiety, and agitation. Students with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) may find that fidgets can distract them from the symptoms of their condition.

Fidgets come in all shapes, sizes, and colors. They can be popped, stretched, squeezed, spun, snapped, etc. Teens may prefer fidgets that are discreet, small enough to be held in one hand or in the student’s pocket. They even make stainless steel options for teens who don’t want a childish looking fidget. I have students who wear fidget jewelry such as bracelets, rings, and necklaces with a variety of sensory inputs that look very stylish and can be made in metals that don’t turn the skin green.

There are so many different fidget devices, and you will want to try different types. You don’t have to spend a lot of money either. You can order from Amazon or even find them at Dollar Tree. Just keep in mind that it needs to be therapeutic for your child and not negatively affect their attention. 

In addition, the devices must not be disruptive to the classroom or to fellow classmates. I have found mixed reviews in the research on fidgets, but I think that if you find something that works for your child, talk to the teacher to see if they will allow it in the classroom.  

My students have named me the “Fidget Master,” and I am quite proud of that title. As a school social worker for Youth First, I use a variety of these devices with students in my sessions with them. I am always on the lookout for the newest and the latest versions and rotate them so the students won’t get bored. I play with a fidget in sessions, too. Using the fidgets alongside the student shows them it’s a safe place to try them and that adults use them too.

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Improving Your Family’s Emotional Communication

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By Camryn Cater, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Emotional communication is a key component in our lives. It helps us form relationships and make connections with family, friends, coworkers, and even strangers. As children learn to emotionally connect and communicate with others, they are building emotional skillsets that will help them develop relationships for the rest of their lives.

Families with healthy emotional communication practices allow children to develop better coping mechanisms to overcome communication challenges. However, when families unconsciously or consciously dismiss their child’s emotions, they invalidate their child’s needs and thoughts. This parenting practice can lead to children developing less emotional intelligence and pave the way to mental health issues, including increased chances of anxiety, depression, and lack of empathy.

As easy as it is to ignore, downplay, or get frustrated with your child’s emotions, grownups must understand that children have thoughts, dreams, frustrations, and worries that need to be heard. From an adult’s perspective these feelings may seem small, but to a child, they are immense. Talk to your child about their emotions and use the conversation as an opportunity to grow your parent/child relationship.

Grownups can introduce positive emotional communication practices to kids by using emotional language such as “I feel” messages. Using this type of language encourages kids to follow your lead and learn to communicate their needs effectively. Another simple way to introduce emotional communication is through reading books or watching videos with characters who model positive emotional communication. Visuals with scales of emotions can also help your child clearly pinpoint what range of emotion they are feeling when it may be too difficult to describe in words.

Another good way to help kids express themselves is by facilitating dialogue about how certain activities, people, places, foods, etc. make them feel. For example, you could ask your child, “How did it make you feel when you were on stage for your program today?” This type of open-ended question allows time for your child to identify and process their own feelings and opinions. Making this a routine at the end of each day creates a space where your child knows they feel safe and understood.

These simple tasks carried out in your home can ultimately improve your relationship with your child and give you a sense of what you can do to meet your child’s emotional needs. This can boost your child’s mental health, decrease behavioral issues, and promote emotional empathy.

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Why is Executive Functioning Important?

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By Diane VanCleave, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Some say, “If parenting does not feel like white knuckle time, you’re not doing it right.” Parenting has its complexities and challenges, and a parent or caretaker needs to provide age-appropriate guidance.

A child’s growth progresses through executive function efficiency. Executive function (EF) is the interconnection and coordination of brain activity skills, which is crucial to human development. Both parents and teachers need to be working toward a child’s healthy executive functioning.

The skill sets of executive function include development in clear thinking, negotiation in living with others, task accomplishment, managing emotions, self-initiation, completing goals through steps, understanding patterns in organization, gauging time, being able to switch from one task to another, and sustained attention and memory.

There is sufficient evidence that starting at birth, the precursor patterns and sequences needed for EF evolve as the cortex develops. Researchers speak of scaffolding as the necessary building block of function. Scaffolding involves integrating earlier skill sets that help in critical thinking and integrating.

Parents need to be observing and nurturing to recognize early precursors that will eventually add to academic, social, and economic success. A mastery in EF requires a child to engage in continued strengthening and practice. Without the practiced moments, parents may see meltdowns when tasks do not go effortlessly. These meltdowns can happen when children do not have the scaffolds that help them persist through failures and mistakes.

In teens, scaffolding activities scheduled by parents might look like time to listen and talk. A teen’s complex scaffolding would follow their own interests, focusing on what they want to accomplish and how they would accomplish that task themselves. In younger children, scaffolding looks like heavier reliance on direction. Scaffolding might include identifying colors or articulating a dialogue with the child on what they might do if they lose a toy or make a mistake.

With toddlers, EF develops when the caregiver provides toys or household items to explore. Sometimes the greatest learning experience for a toddler can even be the introduction of a cardboard box. Infants begin their EF skill sets with hand clapping, mimicry, and caregiver facial affirmation.

The parents/teacher/caregiver can use modeling and reflection from their own lived experience to nurture and support. In the modern age, executive functioning requires worthy exploration to help the child develop to their full potential. The parent or caregiver has a role to play in helping their child negotiate EF throughout their lives.

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