By Ben Smith, LCSW, Courier & Press, March 22, 2016 –

Albert Einstein once stated, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

So often people walk through life gauging what they see and experience through a small picture frame. We create and embellish on this structure through formal education, life experiences and social and intimate interactions

We are taught what values are important, who to associate with, and even what goals we need to focus on. But what is the effect on the frame when surrounding concerns paint a picture of failure, stress and confined limits?

As parents or guardians, what type of picture frame do we help our children construct?

Einstein saw the “awe” in experiencing new opportunities every day. Maybe we should ask what we can do today to help our youth think outside the box.

Regardless of race, financial status or age, people often operate from the safety of a self-constructed box. Over time, this box has provided security and protection from hurtful outside influences. It has also provided acceptance and approval from people or groups we deem important.

These self-constructed walls are initially malleable but begin to become rigid over time as beliefs are fortified. In general, this is not a bad thing.

However, some youth are unfortunately subjected to social experiences and stressors (such as poor home conditions) that cause their box and view of the world to become small and fixated. Depending on how they are able to manage these circumstances, they will see their world with limited opportunities and minimal success. This is something I hope we do not readily accept.

What can we do to help our kids think differently and stretch the limits of their box?

Here are a few quick tips:

1) Be a role model. As caregivers, the way in which we see things and interact will transfer to our children. Display excitement in attempting new challenges and exploring new possibilities. Demonstrate characteristics of resiliency, work ethic and self-confidence. Encourage your child to expand their circle of influence toward people who can help them grow socially, emotionally and spiritually.

2) Get involved and experience things through their eyes. As parents, we often place values and mannerisms onto our kids. As they grow older the parent/child attachment gets stretched. Caregivers can strengthen those bonds by reassessing how the world is viewed through their child’s eye. Opening up a steady line of communication, being nonjudgmental, and supporting creative ideas can help lead a youth toward new horizons.

3) Be aware of what kids are listening to and watching. This is pretty self-explanatory but often overlooked. Take the opportunity to observe things they are interested in. Allow kids to discuss why they find these things meaningful, and explain your views in a noncritical way.

4) Help develop positive and proactive self-talk. Many people walk around using negative language that fosters helplessness. They hold the perspective that outside influences control their behavior. Teach your child to make statements that display confidence such as “I can,” I will,” etc.

Encourage your child to dream, imagine the possibilities and think outside the box. With this change in perspective, your child will be able to witness many of life’s miracles.

By Jacob Jewell, Courier & Press, March 1, 2016 –

After two semesters away from home while attending my first year of college, I decided to move back to Evansville to take a shot at being a commuter student. Now that I am attending one of Evansville’s local universities, I am thoroughly convinced this is the way to go.

This is partially because college is pretty competitive and a home court advantage adds real value to any competitive endeavor. According to statisticians from the University of Pennsylvania, any given NBA team is roughly one and a halftimes more likely to win a home game relative to the away team.

With all of college’s tests, assignments, and job interviews, I’d much rather play with this well-documented force on my side and succeed with the help of a lifetime’s worth of rapport, connections, and the comfortable familiarity that comes with staying close to home. These advantages are worth leveraging.

Another big benefit of attending college in Evansville is the Tri-State’s relative abundance of internship opportunities for fledging professionals. The typical college town cannot compete with our numerous and noteworthy hospitals, factories and other sizable businesses. There’s an opportunity here for just about every major.

Upon transferring to school in Evansville, I immediately started scheduling numerous interviews with local firms, which came as a complete surprise to me based on my observations while away from Evansville last year.

Local companies constantly demand interns for fall, spring and summer positions. By my estimate, this gives the Tri-State’s local students about three times the number of internship opportunities that I was exposed to while away last year. This is because the small college town I used to live in had to export its students to more industrious cities for summer positions.

Internships during the academic year are extremely rare in most college towns despite their prevalence in the Tri-State. Should a student at my old school pursue an internship during the academic year, this student’s position was largely peripheral and involved monotonously-long weekend commutes.

Moreover, rebasing my education offered me more national opportunities than I had at a well-known, nationally-recognized school, much to my surprise. By moving to a smaller academic institution, my internship applications had a higher probability of floating to the top when the giants of the accounting world asked for applicants, leading me to interview with two of the big four public accounting firms. Based on my graduation date and the comparative flood of applicants at my former institution, this most definitely would not have happened to me at my old school.

For many parents, a strong motivation to send their children off to college is a sense that numerous and quintessential experiences must be given up if the student studies from home. I personally disagree with this.

According to the College Board, the average cost of room and board at a public university was $9,804 last academic year. Being a commuter student alleviates these expenses. This opens up a floodgate of opportunities for around $9,804 worth of college experiences, which sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

To top it all off, you should drive through one of our local campuses sometime. To my untrained eye, it doesn’t look like the students are missing a thing.

By Wendy Lynch, Courier & Press, Feb. 9, 2016 –

About a month ago, many New Year’s resolutions were set. Determined to have a fresh start, many of us set goals to exercise more, eat healthier or work on relationships. Some of us may already be disappointed in our progress one month into 2016, however, because we set unrealistic goals.

Setting achievable goals allows us to change behaviors and challenges us to make progress. Goals provide us with direction and focus. When we have control we can make changes. However, there are several things that need to happen before change can occur.

First, having a commitment to goals is important, because it allows us to be involved in the change process. Being committed and practicing the right skills will help us stay dedicated. When we challenge ourselves we are moving forward, so having determination and enthusiasm will help.

Second, we all need motivation. Do not let your motivation dissolve; follow through! Motivation is essential to change a behavior or an environment. It keeps us on track. Having a support person is also very important. We all need someone in our lives to give encouragement and provide support. It is especially important when we are making a change, because change will always need to be supported — even after our goal has been achieved. Find someone who will be supportive and hold you accountable for your actions.

The next step is to organize and prioritize your goals. Begin with the end in mind. For example, you could write, “I know my goal will be achieved when I have read eight books for the entire year.” Writing down your goal will provide a sense of accomplishment when you succeed.

In his book, “The Essentials of Family Therapy,” Michael Nichols states that useful goals are specific and include positive actions. One way to organize goals is to break them down into manageable steps. If, for example, your goal is to read more books this year, you might think about writing down a plan to read six chapters this week and 12 chapters next week. Writing down these smaller goals provides a clear picture of what you want to achieve and how you’re going to get there.

It is also important to list some obstacles that might get in the way. When you list your obstacles you are preparing yourself, which will help prevent you from being derailed. This step will take some self-reflection and honesty, but it will help when problematic situations arise. Setbacks are going to happen, so when setting goals think of some scenarios or situations that might make reaching your goal difficult.

Celebrate your successes as you achieve small goals, and give yourself credit every step of the way. And then keep going. Set more goals after you succeed.

Lastly, whatever your goals are, know that making a change can be difficult. Try to think of the result and how your life will benefit from your commitment.

By Callie Sanders, Courier & Press, January 19, 2016 –

Stress is a normal part of our everyday lives. It can sometimes be a very good thing such as when it motivates a person to try harder at work or school or encourages someone to be more alert.

But when does stress become too much?

Physical symptoms are usually a key indicator that stress levels are maxed out. Some common symptoms are headaches, elevated blood pressure, insomnia and stomach issues.

When the human body is screaming, “I’m stressed out,” what can be done to change that? Stress management skills are vital tools no matter what age. It’s good to introduce these techniques early. Let’s face it, kids are stressed too.

Below are some tips I use as a school social worker to help students de-stress:

Take a mental vacation. In this exercise, students are asked to close their eyes and visualize a place in their mind that would combat stress and negative thoughts. This place can be real or make believe. Students are encouraged to write the place down and then draw it. This teaches students to be mindful and gives them the ability to detach from negativity and use mental visuals to regain a calm state.

Just breathe. Deep breathing exercises help lower heart rate and muscle tension. To breathe deeply, begin by putting your hand on your abdomen. I ask students to visualize their belly as a balloon. Inhale slowly through your nose and watch your hand move out as your belly (balloon) expands. Hold the breath and exhale slowly through your mouth as the balloon deflates. Repeat several times. Blowing bubbles is also a great way to practice deep breathing exercises.

Say cheese. I have a sign on my door that reads, “You had the courage to stay, now go give a smile away.” Smiling is a win-win mechanism. We smile when we are relaxed and happy. Smiling at someone else can help them feel relaxed and happy too. Everyone wins.

Write it out. I use an activity called “Control vs. Non Control,” where students are asked to draw a large donut or tire on a piece of paper (one small circle inside a larger circle). In the small circle, they are asked to list stressors they may be able to change/control. In the larger circle, they list stressors that can’t be changed. I ask them to focus on the small circle of stressors, changing what they can. They can then practice letting go or coping with the stressors in the larger circle that can’t be controlled.

Be a fighter. Feeling like a victim can increase feelings of stress and helplessness. I teach students how to be proactive, using a water bottle as a visual analogy. When water is shaken up in the bottle (no matter how many times it is shaken), it doesn’t explode. Being proactive is just like that. When life is at its toughest, I ask them to remember the water bottle and use techniques that will keep them from exploding.

No matter what life stage we’re in, we all deal with some form of stress. Take control before it turns into distress.

I encourage you to use the tips provided. Just breathe. Keep fighting. Give a smile away in the process. It’s a win-win situation!

By Davi Stein-Kiley, Courier & Press, January 11, 2016 –

It’s not a secret. Children who lose a loved one often struggle to process the loss, understand death and comprehend the changes that take place in their families as others mourn. While support groups for parents often take the form of monthly meetings, kids need some different formats and activities.

Youth First, Inc. launched the first Camp Memories to support grieving children and families in the Evansville area. Camp Memories supports children who have lost parents, siblings, grandparents and other closely connected loved ones. Youth First, Inc. partnered with the YMCA of Southwestern Indiana to provide the camp. Children ages 7-12 were invited to share in a day of healing and hope.

The camp provides a safe place for kids to have fun with peers, talk about the emotions related to grief and participate in activities designed to create a safe place for experiencing strong emotions.

Research shows that one in nine Americans lose a parent before 20, and one in seven will lose a parent or sibling before 20. Seventy-two percent believe that life would have been “much better” if they had not lost a parent when they were so young.

Young people who have the opportunity to participate in a grief support program report the benefit of talking to other kids who have also lost a loved one is very helpful in their grieving process.

In a 2009 study published by Camp Comfort Zone of Richmond, Virginia, it was noted that memories of losses remain and color experiences in life well into adulthood. About seven of 10 adults who lost a parent growing up say they still think of their parent frequently — a sentiment that holds true regardless of how long ago the loss occurred.

For many, however, those memories are often insufficient and fading — about eight of 10 say they wish they had more memories of their parent. The desire to have one more moment with the lost one runs deep. More than half of adults bereaved as children say they would trade a year of their life for one more day with their lost parent.

Findings also included the idea that many kids feel different from their peers after losing a loved one, and many families seem to avoid dialogue about their loved one, primarily because it is uncomfortable and awkward.

Opportunities to talk about loss and grief are hard to find. Camp Memories was designed to create opportunities for young people to find language about their loss, to find support from peers and to learn some tools to manage the overwhelming feelings experienced in grieving. A parent’s group is included, providing support to them as well as information about how to support their kids.

At the close of the day, one parent commented, “This was such a help for my son. He has started to open up.”

Youth First plans to offer Camp Memories as a daylong grief workshop two times a year. The November camp helped all participants focus on holidays and anniversary dates. The June Camp will focus on summer, getting along with friends and ways to remember while also moving on in the grieving process.

For more information and resources about grief and children check outhellogrief.org ordougy.org/.