What’s All the Buzz About Mindfulness?

Mindfulness

By Sarah Postlewaite, Courier & Press, Feb. 16, 2016 –

Mindfulness is a word that gets thrown around a lot these days. It seems to be the “buzz word” of the moment.

However, many people don’t fully understand the concept of mindfulness. There is also a lot of confusion about how it works and how to do it.

Mindfulness is a particular way of paying attention. It is the faculty of purposefully bringing awareness to one’s experience.

Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn, one of the pioneers of mindfulness, defined mindfulness as “the awareness that emerges through paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.” Why do we want to be more mindful? Mindfulness has a whole list of benefits including improving attention, increasing compassion, assisting in emotion regulation, improving calming techniques, and improving adaptability and resilience. There is solid scientific evidence that mindfulness works and improves the quality of life for those who practice it.

Mindfulness practices can be applied to any experience: sensations in the body, emotional experience, thoughts, sights or sounds. The quality of the attention is more important than the object of attention.

So basically, it doesn’t matter what you are paying attention to; just pay attention. If you are showering, don’t plan your day — think about showering. Whatever the task may be, the purpose is to fully focus on what you are actually doing in that moment.

When discussing mindfulness, I hear others say the struggle is that their mind continues to wander or it is difficult to focus and get started.

The first method of practicing mindfulness that I learned and always share with others is the counting breath technique. Sit in a comfortable position in a quiet room and close your eyes. Then, just count your breaths.

As you breathe in, say “1” to yourself. As you breathe out, say “1” to yourself. On your next in- breath, say “2” to yourself. On your next out-breath, say “2” to yourself. Continue on until 10, and then start back at 1. It’s that simple. Count your in and out breaths until you get to the number 10 and then start over.

The counting breath technique is a formal mindfulness practice, a way of taking a moment out of your daily life to sit and just practice mindfulness. The formal mindfulness practice leads to more moments of mindfulness in our daily lives.

When I think of my own mindfulness practice and helping others with theirs, I always come back to wise words I heard regarding mindfulness years ago when I first began to practice:

Things will happen to us in life that can cause us a lot of pain and suffering. Learning and practicing mindfulness gives us the opportunity to not just cope with life, but to thrive.

We can’t always control the events that happen in our lives, but we can come out on the other side not just coping, but thriving.

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Setting and Achieving Goals

Goals

By Wendy Lynch, Courier & Press, Feb. 9, 2016 –

About a month ago, many New Year’s resolutions were set. Determined to have a fresh start, many of us set goals to exercise more, eat healthier or work on relationships. Some of us may already be disappointed in our progress one month into 2016, however, because we set unrealistic goals.

Setting achievable goals allows us to change behaviors and challenges us to make progress. Goals provide us with direction and focus. When we have control we can make changes. However, there are several things that need to happen before change can occur.

First, having a commitment to goals is important, because it allows us to be involved in the change process. Being committed and practicing the right skills will help us stay dedicated. When we challenge ourselves we are moving forward, so having determination and enthusiasm will help.

Second, we all need motivation. Do not let your motivation dissolve; follow through! Motivation is essential to change a behavior or an environment. It keeps us on track. Having a support person is also very important. We all need someone in our lives to give encouragement and provide support. It is especially important when we are making a change, because change will always need to be supported — even after our goal has been achieved. Find someone who will be supportive and hold you accountable for your actions.

The next step is to organize and prioritize your goals. Begin with the end in mind. For example, you could write, “I know my goal will be achieved when I have read eight books for the entire year.” Writing down your goal will provide a sense of accomplishment when you succeed.

In his book, “The Essentials of Family Therapy,” Michael Nichols states that useful goals are specific and include positive actions. One way to organize goals is to break them down into manageable steps. If, for example, your goal is to read more books this year, you might think about writing down a plan to read six chapters this week and 12 chapters next week. Writing down these smaller goals provides a clear picture of what you want to achieve and how you’re going to get there.

It is also important to list some obstacles that might get in the way. When you list your obstacles you are preparing yourself, which will help prevent you from being derailed. This step will take some self-reflection and honesty, but it will help when problematic situations arise. Setbacks are going to happen, so when setting goals think of some scenarios or situations that might make reaching your goal difficult.

Celebrate your successes as you achieve small goals, and give yourself credit every step of the way. And then keep going. Set more goals after you succeed.

Lastly, whatever your goals are, know that making a change can be difficult. Try to think of the result and how your life will benefit from your commitment.

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Quality Time With Your Kids is Worth the Effort

Mother and child in snow

By Kate Scheuer, Courier & Press, January 26, 2016 – When I was growing up, my parents both worked full-time. Despite her busy schedule, however, my mother did a wonderful job making time to spend with us.

One of my favorite childhood memories is when Mom would spontaneously say, “Let’s go for an ice cream run!” We would all jump in the car and head out for a treat. More than the delicious vanilla ice cream cones, I remember enjoying the time I spent talking and laughing with my mom.

Spending quality time with your child is priceless. As they grow older it may seem harder and harder to have those precious moments together. Start today by figuring out when you can carve out a few minutes together on a regular basis.

Here are some suggestions for spending quality time with your children:

Schedule time during the day. Eat breakfast together or schedule a sit-down or phone call after school.

While driving in the car from place to place, use the time to discuss their day, current successes, struggles, hopes and dreams.

At bedtime, set aside a few minutes of quiet time to help them unwind.

Try to have a few sit-down dinners together each week.

Include your kids in your workout routine. Push them in the stroller while you walk or run, or if they’re older, they can walk/run alongside. Go hiking or bowling together. Have a dance party or put on an exercise video you can all enjoy at home.

Try one of your child’s hobbies. Seeing your child enjoy what they love will be fun for you, too!

Also, remember to listen intently when your child talks. It is easy to become distracted and misunderstand what he or she is trying to communicate. Try putting away your cellphone or turning off the television. Children are seeking your attention, and they will find a way to get it in a negative manner if you are not listening.

Spending time with your children does not mean you have to plan something special or go somewhere; it can be as simple as reading a book or playing outside. Find what works best for your family. Remember that quality time is more important than quantity.

Youth First, Inc. offers the Strengthening Families program. This program is designed for all families. In today’s society raising children can be difficult and the demands on our time are always increasing. Finding quality time to spend together can be challenging.

Strengthening Families gives you the opportunity to share your parenting successes and struggles with other families experiencing the same joys and obstacles. You will also be given new tools and strategies to take home and put into practice. Parents are also encouraged to build on what is already working well for your family.

By attending Strengthening Families, you are also guaranteed some good quality family time. Please call Youth First at 812-421-8336 to register or get more information.

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Kids Have Stress, Too!

crying boy

By Callie Sanders, Courier & Press, January 19, 2016 –

Stress is a normal part of our everyday lives. It can sometimes be a very good thing such as when it motivates a person to try harder at work or school or encourages someone to be more alert.

But when does stress become too much?

Physical symptoms are usually a key indicator that stress levels are maxed out. Some common symptoms are headaches, elevated blood pressure, insomnia and stomach issues.

When the human body is screaming, “I’m stressed out,” what can be done to change that? Stress management skills are vital tools no matter what age. It’s good to introduce these techniques early. Let’s face it, kids are stressed too.

Below are some tips I use as a school social worker to help students de-stress:

Take a mental vacation. In this exercise, students are asked to close their eyes and visualize a place in their mind that would combat stress and negative thoughts. This place can be real or make believe. Students are encouraged to write the place down and then draw it. This teaches students to be mindful and gives them the ability to detach from negativity and use mental visuals to regain a calm state.

Just breathe. Deep breathing exercises help lower heart rate and muscle tension. To breathe deeply, begin by putting your hand on your abdomen. I ask students to visualize their belly as a balloon. Inhale slowly through your nose and watch your hand move out as your belly (balloon) expands. Hold the breath and exhale slowly through your mouth as the balloon deflates. Repeat several times. Blowing bubbles is also a great way to practice deep breathing exercises.

Say cheese. I have a sign on my door that reads, “You had the courage to stay, now go give a smile away.” Smiling is a win-win mechanism. We smile when we are relaxed and happy. Smiling at someone else can help them feel relaxed and happy too. Everyone wins.

Write it out. I use an activity called “Control vs. Non Control,” where students are asked to draw a large donut or tire on a piece of paper (one small circle inside a larger circle). In the small circle, they are asked to list stressors they may be able to change/control. In the larger circle, they list stressors that can’t be changed. I ask them to focus on the small circle of stressors, changing what they can. They can then practice letting go or coping with the stressors in the larger circle that can’t be controlled.

Be a fighter. Feeling like a victim can increase feelings of stress and helplessness. I teach students how to be proactive, using a water bottle as a visual analogy. When water is shaken up in the bottle (no matter how many times it is shaken), it doesn’t explode. Being proactive is just like that. When life is at its toughest, I ask them to remember the water bottle and use techniques that will keep them from exploding.

No matter what life stage we’re in, we all deal with some form of stress. Take control before it turns into distress.

I encourage you to use the tips provided. Just breathe. Keep fighting. Give a smile away in the process. It’s a win-win situation!

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Governor Pence Recognizes Youth First

As he talks about the work of Martin Luther King, Jr., Governor Mike Pence recognizes Youth First as a leader in prevention work:

http://www.14news.com/story/30927287/pence-visits-evansville-to-honor-mlk-jr

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Support For Grieving Children

Grieving child

By Davi Stein-Kiley, Courier & Press, January 11, 2016 –

It’s not a secret. Children who lose a loved one often struggle to process the loss, understand death and comprehend the changes that take place in their families as others mourn. While support groups for parents often take the form of monthly meetings, kids need some different formats and activities.

Youth First, Inc. launched the first Camp Memories to support grieving children and families in the Evansville area. Camp Memories supports children who have lost parents, siblings, grandparents and other closely connected loved ones. Youth First, Inc. partnered with the YMCA of Southwestern Indiana to provide the camp. Children ages 7-12 were invited to share in a day of healing and hope.

The camp provides a safe place for kids to have fun with peers, talk about the emotions related to grief and participate in activities designed to create a safe place for experiencing strong emotions.

Research shows that one in nine Americans lose a parent before 20, and one in seven will lose a parent or sibling before 20. Seventy-two percent believe that life would have been “much better” if they had not lost a parent when they were so young.

Young people who have the opportunity to participate in a grief support program report the benefit of talking to other kids who have also lost a loved one is very helpful in their grieving process.

In a 2009 study published by Camp Comfort Zone of Richmond, Virginia, it was noted that memories of losses remain and color experiences in life well into adulthood. About seven of 10 adults who lost a parent growing up say they still think of their parent frequently — a sentiment that holds true regardless of how long ago the loss occurred.

For many, however, those memories are often insufficient and fading — about eight of 10 say they wish they had more memories of their parent. The desire to have one more moment with the lost one runs deep. More than half of adults bereaved as children say they would trade a year of their life for one more day with their lost parent.

Findings also included the idea that many kids feel different from their peers after losing a loved one, and many families seem to avoid dialogue about their loved one, primarily because it is uncomfortable and awkward.

Opportunities to talk about loss and grief are hard to find. Camp Memories was designed to create opportunities for young people to find language about their loss, to find support from peers and to learn some tools to manage the overwhelming feelings experienced in grieving. A parent’s group is included, providing support to them as well as information about how to support their kids.

At the close of the day, one parent commented, “This was such a help for my son. He has started to open up.”

Youth First plans to offer Camp Memories as a daylong grief workshop two times a year. The November camp helped all participants focus on holidays and anniversary dates. The June Camp will focus on summer, getting along with friends and ways to remember while also moving on in the grieving process.

For more information and resources about grief and children check outhellogrief.org ordougy.org/.

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What You Need to Know About Self-Injury

Depressed teen

By Mark Luzader, LCSW, Courier & Press, Jan. 5, 2016 – Self-Injury, or “non-suicidal self-injury” (NSSI), is a behavior that has gained some increased awareness in recent years. Despite increased awareness, many still don’t know much about NSSI.

So what is NSSI? According to the “Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM) Volume 5,” a person engaging in NSSI has engaged in at least five days of self-injury over the past year, with the anticipation that the injury will result in some bodily harm without suicidal intent. The acts are not socially acceptable and cause significant distress.

Behavior can include, but is not limited to, cutting, burning, scratching, punching hard objects, pulling hair or carving into the skin (usually in a superficial manner).

Why do children engage in self-harm? There is no definitive answer. Most children who engage in NSSI are ages 12-24. Of the adults who self-harm, nearly all started in their early adolescent years. There is a social factor; many children who experiment with self-harm have a friend or relative who has engaged in the behavior.

Similar to any modeled behavior, a child may try the behavior and continue, or they may not like the behavior and discontinue. If the child continues to self-harm, the behavior can develop into an addiction.

There are several risk factors that go along with self-harm. Being female is certainly No. 1. Most studies agree that females are much more likely than males to engage in self-harm as a way of coping.

Other risk factors include:

Age — Early teens and young adults are most frequent self-harmers

Peers — Friends or siblings who self-harm

Life issues — Those who were neglected, abused or have experienced other traumatic events (i.e. death); are in an unstable family environment or who may be questioning their personal identity or sexuality

Coping skills — Children who are impulsive, explosive, highly self-critical or poor problem-solvers

Mood — NSSI is commonly linked to depression and anxiety

Certain situations within families can lead to NSSI as well:

Parental difficulties dealing with normal human emotions or expressed needs (too distant, too reactive or too close)

Pressure for perfectionism or to “be strong”

Poor communication/problem-solving

Sexual, physical or emotional abuse

So what can parents do to reduce risk factors?

1. As children get older and friends become more of a priority, maintain good, open communication.

2. Spend time together doing things your child chooses. If you have a large family, taking one-on-one time with each child as they get older is critical. Even if it’s not every day or every week, “check-in time” is important.

3. Get to know your child’s friends. The stereotype of the “emo” or “goth” kid who cuts themselves is just that — a stereotype. Most children who engage in NSSI are middle to upper-middle class, clean-cut kids who know how to present well.

4. Be on the lookout for unseasonable dress. Wearing long sleeves and pants when the weather is hot is often something more than, “I’m cold.”

If you suspect your child is engaged in NSSI, finding a professional therapist is absolutely essential. Seeing one that specializes in self-harm is always the best course.

In therapy, your child will develop better ways of coping with problems before they become unmanageable. Family therapy will also be a part of this process so that change can be reinforced at home. Having a counselor or Youth First Social Worker to talk to for support at school is crucial too.

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Self Care Leads to Happiness

Yoga on sand

By Nichole White, Courier & Press, Dec. 22, 2015 –

We live in a busy and demanding world, where it seems like everyday responsibilities and stress are always increasing. Stressors such as working, raising children, caring for elder parents, going to school — not to mention life-changing events such as moving, marrying and divorcing — can definitely take a toll on us.

To help balance life demands and maintain health, we need to practice self care. Self care is defined as “a necessary human function which is purposeful, learned, and continuous.” Therefore, it is important to be in charge of your own self care and essential that it is part of your routine.

I did not really understand the importance of self care until I had my children. I loved being a parent, but it also brought on feelings and stress I had not experienced before.

To help manage my stress, I took up running and training for my first half-marathon. I always joked with my family and friends that I would run 13.1 miles for some peace and quiet!

I also focused on my friendships and building new relationships. I made a point to schedule girls’ nights with my friends, and I started a new hobby with Thirty-One Gifts Inc., which allowed me to get out of the house and meet new people.

How do you know if you need self care? Well, everyone does!

Here are some signs that you may need to focus more on self care:

  • Sleep deprivation
  • Depression and anxiety
  • Irritability
  • High blood pressure
  • Constantly being sick
  • Obesity
  • Trouble concentrating and poor performance at work/school
  • No alone time

If you have ever said, “I don’t have any time for myself,” then you are also in need of self care. It is important to spend time alone. It gives your brain a chance to recharge, and resting mind and body is essential for dealing with stress.

So what does self care look like? It’s doing what you love and enjoy.

The 10 most important steps in self-care are:

1. Get plenty of sleep.
2. Eat foods high in nutrition.
3. Exercise. Exercise releases the chemical serotonin in your brain, which influences your mood. Exercise at least 3 hours a week.
4. Seek social support. Spend time with friends or increase your social network by joining clubs.
5. Make time for hobbies. Do what you love, whether it is reading, yoga, gardening, playing sports, drawing, fishing, etc.
6. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, pedicure or bubble bath.
7. Stay mentally sharp. See stress as a challenge and not a threat. Stay alert by playing games that challenge your thinking and reasoning skills.
8. Have the right attitude. Be positive and optimistic. See the good in the challenge.
9. Process emotions. Feelings are messages telling you that something is not right. Spend time alone reflecting on what you are feeling.
10. Practice spirituality. This can include prayer and meditation.

As writer and self-growth pioneer Jennifer Louden has said, “Self care is not selfish or self-indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first, and then we can give from our surplus, our abundance.”

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What Kids Really Need This Holiday Season

Christmas kids

By Jana Pritchett, Courier & Press, Dec. 15, 2015 –

Christmas is almost here, and kids everywhere are hoping to be on Santa’s good list. Interactive toys such as the Fisher Price BeatBo and the Minions Dancing Stuart are on many kids’ lists as are classics such as Star Wars figurines, Lite Brite and Barbie.

We all hope to give our children the presents they want, but what do our kids really need from adults this holiday season? What gifts can mom, dad or grandparents provide to help them become happy, healthy, successful adults?

Here is my list of the essentials:

1. Security and stability. Kids need the basics — food, shelter, clothing, medical care and protection. In addition, a stable home and family environment make them feel safe, and being part of a family gives them a sense of belonging.

2. Full attention. Be present. Turn off your phone, the TV and all gadgets and listen to them, especially at meal times and bedtime. Removing distractions lets them know they’re special and there’s no need to compete for your attention.

3. Time. Spend quality family time together. Take the whole family to pick out a Christmas tree or to see a ballgame or holiday concert. Take each child on mom and dad “dates” to create special memories and boost their self-esteem, especially if they’re used to sharing parent time with siblings. Spending quality time together encourages deeper conversations and strengthens the bonds between parent and child.

4. Love. Saying and showing your kids you love them can help overcome just about any parenting “mistake” you might make. Even when your kids have disappointed, frustrated, angered or disobeyed you, they must know you will always love them.

5. Affection. Don’t wait for your children to come to you for hugs. Regular physical affection helps strengthen and maintain your emotional connection with kids of any age. When that bond is strong, kids act out less often and know they can come to you for support.

6. Emotional support. Through good and bad times, kids must know you are there for them. According to Dr. Harley Rotbart of Children’s Hospital Colorado, “Parents’ words and actions should facilitate kids’ trust, respect, self-esteem and ultimately, independence.”

7. Consistency. Parents need to work together to enforce rules. Important values should not be compromised for the sake of convenience or because the kids have worn you down. If parents are no longer married, mom and dad should still try to communicate and work together whenever possible to maintain consistency.

8. Positive role models. Parents are their kids’ first and most important role models. Kids see plenty of bad behavior in the media. Be the kind of person you want them to become and don’t just give “lip service” to good behavior.

9. Education. Give your kids the best possible shot for their future by stressing the importance of education. Providing guidance and teaching them life lessons during the time you spend together is also important.

Spending quality time with your kids is the best solution for just about any parenting dilemma. This holiday season and in the New Year, don’t stop with what’s on your child’s wish list. Give them what they really need — the gift of being the best parent you can be.

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Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude

Thank you note

By Ali Langen, Courier & Press, Dec. 8, 2015 – “Count your blessings” is a phrase we hear often, especially around the holidays. But other than when we’re sitting at the table eating our Thanksgiving turkey, how often do we stop to appreciate everything we have been blessed with? When was the last time you paused to acknowledge the many things you are grateful for?

Research has shown that encouraging our children to be grateful has powerful results. According to a 2007 study published in the Journal of School Psychology, results indicated that “counting blessings was associated with enhanced self-reported gratitude, optimism, life satisfaction and decreased negative affect.”

In today’s culture, we are constantly on the go and have little time to stop and count our blessings. We often find the time, however, to come up with something we want and do not have. As a parent, I’ve often wondered how I can encourage my children to value what they do have rather than wishing for something that they don’t.

Here are some tips that may help encourage an attitude of gratitude in your children:

1. Say “please” and “thank you.” This is something my family does already, but I’ve put it on my list because it is so important. You have to show respect to be respected. If I don’t lead by example, how can I expect my children to learn these habits? Kids mimic actions they see every day. Let’s be sure they are imitating positive actions.

2. It’s OK to say “no.” Sometimes it’s easier on the parents to say “yes” and give the child whatever they want. What are children learning if they expect parents to say “yes” every time? Children need to learn that life doesn’t always go their way and appreciate the times that we do say “yes.”

3. Provide opportunities for children to earn things they want — but not always in exchange for gifts or money. It’s almost expected that kids earn allowances or gifts for completing chores or accomplishing goals. In life, not all positive actions or accomplishments are rewarded with physical items. Acknowledging accomplishments with positive reinforcement, quality time and occasional gifts will prevent kids from expecting big rewards every time.

4. Give back. Giving financially to a charity or volunteering allows kids to learn about those who are less fortunate. Serving others will help your children see the gratitude others experience for an act of kindness. Those experiences will have a lasting impression.

5. Educate your children about developing countries. It’s important for kids to learn about the world around them. Living in a country where we have many freedoms, opportunities and security is a huge blessing. Find age-appropriate sources of information to share with your kids.

6. Incorporate acknowledgment of gratitude into your routine. Rather than waiting once a year to count your blessings, take time once a week to share with your family what you are thankful for. Help your children acknowledge the little things that we may sometimes take for granted.

Developing and cultivating gratitude in our daily routines will have a lasting effect on ourselves, our children and others around us. This holiday season, take time to count your blessings and also develop a routine to recognize your gratitude often.

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