By Steve Holzmeyer, Courier & Press, Dec. 1, 2015 –

I enjoy listening to an old song by Billy Dean called “Billy the Kid.” It’s a wistful look back at Billy’s childhood, roaming the neighborhood dressed as a cowboy looking for “bad guys.”

One of my favorite lines from the song is, “Being late for supper was my only fear.” The song paints a picture of a carefree and happy youngster.

A large portion of my boyhood summers were spent exploring the small towns of Tell City, Ft. Branch and Haubstadt. Like Billy, my imagination would soar as I wandered around searching for adventure. Adult worries and stresses were far away.

I was involved in a few organized activities, but for the most part, I was free to create my own little world. As a result of this freedom I developed a vivid imagination. Having the freedom to daydream was a valuable gift. Even as an adult, I am still able to dream about possibilities or lose myself inside the covers of a good book.

These days life is hectic and childhood fears are more serious than Billy’s fear of being late for supper. A key source of these increased anxieties has given birth to the term “Superkid.” Rae Pica writes, “In short, a Superkid is a child pressured by parents and by society in general to do too much too soon.”

In an article called “Overscheduled Kids,” Pica quotes Johann Christoph Arnold: “The pressure to excel is undermining childhood as never before. Why are we so keen to mold children into successful adults, instead of treasuring their genuineness and carefree innocence?”

Parents don’t entirely deserve the blame for this. Peer pressure often drives a child to desire this frenzy of activity. They push themselves, not wanting to be left out or left behind. The result is that many children today are too busy and simply lack the time to “just be kids.”

Now it is certainly true that organized activities such as sports can have a positive impact on children. Kids learn to work with others, develop communication skills, and are taught how to succeed or fail graciously.

There are certainly many benefits from getting your child involved — up to a point. But when this involvement begins to produce negative effects such as excessive anxiety or trouble performing in school, it may be time to pull back a bit.

Author Chuck Swindoll offers a well-known verse in discussing this issue: “There is an appointed time for everything.” This includes a time for shouldering worries and responsibilities that should be postponed until adulthood arrives. Chuck suggests that we ease the pace of our children’s lives and allow them to grow up more slowly and carefully.

Great achievements often come from the ability to imagine or dream about what could be. That takes more freedom than today’s “Superkids” have available. How about some time to just do nothing?

As we enter the Christmas season, I encourage parents to consider giving your child the gift of time — precious free time — along with some encouragement to daydream a bit. It may greatly benefit their future.

By Amy Steele, Courier & Press, Nov. 17, 2015 –

There are so many things to teach our kids; sometimes it can be overwhelming. One sure thing in life is that it won’t always be easy. So one of the best things to teach them is how to cope when things are hard or don’t go their way. We won’t always be there to fix things for them. It is important that they learn healthy ways to cope when life gets hard.

Labeling feelings such as sad, mad, happy, scared, worried, etc. and talking to someone about those feelings is a very valuable way of coping. This skill is useful when children are having trouble with appropriate ways to handle their anger, worry, fear, anxiety or sadness.

If a child can state how they feel and have a loving, trusted adult validate and accept that feeling — even by just saying, “You feel sad” — it goes a long way in helping a child cope in a healthy manner.

Another important coping skill is teaching children appropriate ways to let their feelings out. We see daily in our society that people do not know healthy ways to release anger. Instead they turn to violence, retaliation or even taking it out on themselves or innocent people.

Others choose to “stuff” or repress their feelings, which is not a healthy way to deal with feelings either. Talking writing and drawing about feelings; punching a pillow and exercising are just a few healthy ways to get emotions out.

Mindfulness skills (intentionally living with awareness in the present moment) and relaxation skills (ways to calm down when worked up over feelings such as anger, anxiety, fear, sadness, hyperactivity or worry) are great coping skills.

In mindfulness the child only needs to experience right now, not what they wish was different about the past or their excitement, worries or fears about the future. This can be freeing for a stressed mind and body.

Through relaxation techniques children can focus on their breathing and slow it down by blowing bubbles, closing their eyes and imagining with all 5 senses a place where they feel happy, safe, carefree and relaxed. There are apps online that can guide children and adults through peaceful music or guided talks to calm their mind, quiet their thoughts, and slow their breath.

These techniques can be excellent bedtime routines or can be used anytime. With practice, children and adults alike can call on these peaceful feelings during the day when they feel overwhelmed.

Positive affirmations are statements children say over and over to keep their mind on track, motivated and moving in the right direction. Children can repeat things like, “I can do this,” “I am capable,” “This isn’t so bad,” “I am strong enough,” “I am good enough” or “I have gotten through worse.” Dory’s well known mantra from the Finding Nemo movie, “Just keep swimming,” is also a good one. Thinking positively is a great way to cope.

Coping skills are so important in the daily challenge of growing up. When practiced and applied often they can be life changing. If they are already a part of a child’s automatic skill set when real hardship and difficult challenges occur, they can be lifesaving!

By Parri Black, Courier & Press, Nov. 3, 2015 –

We’ve all had one of those days when nothing goes right and everything goes wrong.

My niece — the mother of three children ages 2, 4 and 6 — had “one of those days” this summer, but thankfully, it ended with some profound words of wisdom.

It was the first day of summer, a time to relax, or so she thought. No rushing around to get ready and dash out the door to school, day care and work.

However, this moment of bliss quickly turned into a series of trying events, lengthy work-related phone calls and simultaneous knocks at the door, all the while Mom was still in her pajamas and trying to keep the kids entertained.

Then the toddler locked herself in the house while everyone else was outside, so Dad had to come home and save the day, but it wasn’t over yet.

This same adorable child decided to throw an hour long temper tantrum because she was dressed in the “wrong clothes” to walk the dog.

Just before bedtime, the sensitive big sister came to the rescue with an amazing gift for her frazzled mom.

She created a masterpiece with magic markers, a sign simply reading: “Keep Trying Mom.”

This 6-year-old’s sweet gesture illustrates how well she has already grasped at least two important life skills.

The first is the power of persistence, or as the proverb says, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.”

There’s a reason why tenacity is the theme of many children’s books such as “The Little Engine That Could.” Now often referred to as “grit,” this is one of the characteristics that can predict success in school and in life.

Another vital social skill is the one that motivated her message in the first place — empathy. She could tell mom needed some encouragement after a very bad day.

With the words “Keep Trying Mom,” she was also communicating how much she cared. Researchers say children as young as one or two can demonstrate empathy by acting in a caring way toward others.

Good parents start instilling these life lessons early, not only by what they say but also by what they do. Children need love and limits, a home environment that provides discipline and guidance with a healthy dose of understanding and kindness.

Studies have linked the lack of empathy in children to bullying and other disruptive behaviors as well as juvenile delinquency, so it’s a very important skill to cultivate.

Caring, compassionate parents usually raise caring, compassionate children, but teachers and mentors can also help children practice and develop their concern for others.

Friends recently shared a great example of empathy turned into action when their middle school daughter noticed a fellow student who had few friends and low self-esteem.

On her own, she decided to help by quietly sending a daily text message to her classmate. They were positive affirmations like,”Your new shoes are cute,” or “Great job on your science project.”

She sent a text every day without fail for months, a simple act of compassion that buoyed the spirits of another child.

When my friends later learned about their daughter’s initiative, they were amazed, grateful and no doubt, proud.

Just as parents encourage empathy in their kids, kindhearted children can also inspire compassion in adults.

By Ahmad Allaw, Courier & Press, Oct. 27, 2015 –

There is no formula for collegiate success. For one, our goals are not the same nor are our journeys toward those goals. What may work for one student may not work for others.

However, that doesn’t mean you have to blindly fumble around before finding success in college. Often, there are common strategies you can employ to put yourself in a position to succeed.

The defining characteristic of college is independence. You have more autonomy over yourself, your decisions and your actions.

Perhaps the most important aspect of this independence is choosing for yourself how you want to spend the rest of your life, as your four years in college will likely have some bearing on your future career.

That is an immense responsibility. Within four years, you will likely have cemented, to some extent, your future.

So find what you love. Find something that you will not only feel comfortable dedicating your life to but also something you would enjoy spending the rest of your life doing.

Don’t commit too early to a major. Try different classes. Figure out what you do and do not like. You may tap into some intellectual curiosity you did not know existed. You may find something so fascinating that your way of thinking changes.

Once you start taking the classes that interest you, you will find college academia becomes so much easier. Even if the classes are harder and the grading tougher, you will enjoy the daily grind and routine studying. Learning will be fun, and that almost always correlates with success.

You will also have independence outside of the classroom. Often, the people who graduate from college with the most meaningful experiences are those who turn what would otherwise be unproductive into something productive. Fill your free time with meaningful engagements and experiences for you.

The best way to do this is to explore clubs and student organizations. If you are interested in writing there will likely be several publication outlets on campus. If you are interested in community building there will almost certainly be service organizations. Even if you are interested in what might seem to be the most esoteric of things there will still likely be something to match your interest.

Many prospective college students equate collegiate freedom and independence with extended partying and alcohol use. For some, this is an inevitable part of the college experience, although there are a significant number of students who choose to abstain. I cannot tell you to avoid drinking altogether; each person makes that choice individually. However, the danger is that the occasional drink becomes more frequent or that partying turns into over-partying.

That, however, doesn’t happen except when time is left unfilled. Joining organizations that match your interests, partaking in important extracurricular activities such as joining university research groups on campus, will keep you from developing unhealthy and, in some cases, what may become dangerous habits and behavior.

In the long run, you won’t remember the number of parties you attended or the number of drinks you were able to drink. You will, however, remember what organizations you were a part of and what you did to positively impact change either on campus or in your community.

As a final remark, find the right balance between education, extra-curriculars and relaxation. Don’t let academics consume you. Don’t overextend yourself with too many activities outside of class. And don’t forget to take a break every now and then. Have fun — in healthy ways — with your friends.

By Donna Wolter, Courier & Press, Oct. 6, 2015 –

Did you know that laughter and stress have the exact opposite effect on the body and mind? Laughter is a natural cure for reducing stress, anxiety and health problems. Laughing at a funny joke, reading the comics or watching a humorous show is a fun way to improve your overall health.

In the book, “A Better Brain at Any Age: The Holistic Way to Improve Your Memory, Reduce Stress and Sharpen Your Wits,” author Sondra Kornblatt writes that a new field called gelotology is exploring the benefits of laughter.

Kornblatt writes that in Norman Cousins’ memoir, “Anatomy of an Illness,” he talks about how watching funny shows helped him feel better and get pain-free sleep. That is because when we laugh, our pituitary gland releases its own pain-suppressing opiates.

Kornblatt also lists the following benefits of laughter:

• Lowers blood pressure
• Increases vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood
• Gives a workout to the diaphragm and abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg and back muscles
• Reduces certain stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline
• Increases the response to infections by producing immunoglobulin in saliva, even reducing the frequency of colds
• Increases memory and learning

In a study at John Hopkins University Medical School, humor during instruction led to increased test scores, improved alertness, creativity and memory.

Along with this new field of gelotology, we now have over 400 laughter clubs in the U. S. According to Laughter Yoga International, a group led by founder Dr. Madan Kataria, there are about 6,000 laughter clubs worldwide. “Laughter yoga” is based on the simple truth that children instinctively know laughter makes you feel better. Children laugh about 400 times more per day than adults, who average 15 times per day.

Like aerobics, laughter can boost our energy level by providing more oxygen to the body. Laughter yoga involves prolonged voluntary laughter. It is done in groups with eye contact and playfulness between participants. Forced laughter gradually turns into real and contagious laughter.

Dr. Lawrence Shapiro writes in his book, “The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook for Kids,” that laughter is a social lubricant, especially for children. One study of children 3-18 asked, “What are three things you like about your friends?” The phrase, “likes to laugh and have fun” appeared in the responses in every age group. This finding adds another layer to the importance of laughter in reducing stress in children. Peer interaction is an important stress reducer, while social isolation is one of the most significant stresses of childhood.

Here are a few activities you might want to try to bring the benefits of laughter into your home.

• Make fun of a stressful situation. (For example, I know I am really stressed when I can’t find my glasses, and they’re on top of my head.)
• Have a joke night at your house and have each family member tell a joke.
• Make a poster of funny photos of your family.
• Post funny comics on the refrigerator.
• Have a crazy dress up night.
• Have a fun game night playing charades, Pictionary, etc.

Trying these simple activities with your family can be fun, and you just might benefit from improved health, decreased pain, reduced stress and improved memory. Form your own laughter club and laugh your way to a better life.