By Nichole White, Courier & Press, Dec. 22, 2015 –

We live in a busy and demanding world, where it seems like everyday responsibilities and stress are always increasing. Stressors such as working, raising children, caring for elder parents, going to school — not to mention life-changing events such as moving, marrying and divorcing — can definitely take a toll on us.

To help balance life demands and maintain health, we need to practice self care. Self care is defined as “a necessary human function which is purposeful, learned, and continuous.” Therefore, it is important to be in charge of your own self care and essential that it is part of your routine.

I did not really understand the importance of self care until I had my children. I loved being a parent, but it also brought on feelings and stress I had not experienced before.

To help manage my stress, I took up running and training for my first half-marathon. I always joked with my family and friends that I would run 13.1 miles for some peace and quiet!

I also focused on my friendships and building new relationships. I made a point to schedule girls’ nights with my friends, and I started a new hobby with Thirty-One Gifts Inc., which allowed me to get out of the house and meet new people.

How do you know if you need self care? Well, everyone does!

Here are some signs that you may need to focus more on self care:

• Sleep deprivation
• Depression and anxiety
• Irritability
• High blood pressure
• Constantly being sick
• Obesity
• Trouble concentrating and poor performance at work/school
• No alone time

If you have ever said, “I don’t have any time for myself,” then you are also in need of self care. It is important to spend time alone. It gives your brain a chance to recharge, and resting mind and body is essential for dealing with stress.

So what does self care look like? It’s doing what you love and enjoy.

The 10 most important steps in self-care are:

1. Get plenty of sleep.
2. Eat foods high in nutrition.
3. Exercise. Exercise releases the chemical serotonin in your brain, which influences your mood. Exercise at least 3 hours a week.
4. Seek social support. Spend time with friends or increase your social network by joining clubs.
5. Make time for hobbies. Do what you love, whether it is reading, yoga, gardening, playing sports, drawing, fishing, etc.
6. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, pedicure or bubble bath.
7. Stay mentally sharp. See stress as a challenge and not a threat. Stay alert by playing games that challenge your thinking and reasoning skills.
8. Have the right attitude. Be positive and optimistic. See the good in the challenge.
9. Process emotions. Feelings are messages telling you that something is not right. Spend time alone reflecting on what you are feeling.
10. Practice spirituality. This can include prayer and meditation.

As writer and self-growth pioneer Jennifer Louden has said, “Self care is not selfish or self-indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first, and then we can give from our surplus, our abundance.”

By Ali Langen, Courier & Press, Dec. 8, 2015 – “Count your blessings” is a phrase we hear often, especially around the holidays. But other than when we’re sitting at the table eating our Thanksgiving turkey, how often do we stop to appreciate everything we have been blessed with? When was the last time you paused to acknowledge the many things you are grateful for?

Research has shown that encouraging our children to be grateful has powerful results. According to a 2007 study published in the Journal of School Psychology, results indicated that “counting blessings was associated with enhanced self-reported gratitude, optimism, life satisfaction and decreased negative affect.”

In today’s culture, we are constantly on the go and have little time to stop and count our blessings. We often find the time, however, to come up with something we want and do not have. As a parent, I’ve often wondered how I can encourage my children to value what they do have rather than wishing for something that they don’t.

Here are some tips that may help encourage an attitude of gratitude in your children:

1. Say “please” and “thank you.” This is something my family does already, but I’ve put it on my list because it is so important. You have to show respect to be respected. If I don’t lead by example, how can I expect my children to learn these habits? Kids mimic actions they see every day. Let’s be sure they are imitating positive actions.

2. It’s OK to say “no.” Sometimes it’s easier on the parents to say “yes” and give the child whatever they want. What are children learning if they expect parents to say “yes” every time? Children need to learn that life doesn’t always go their way and appreciate the times that we do say “yes.”

3. Provide opportunities for children to earn things they want — but not always in exchange for gifts or money. It’s almost expected that kids earn allowances or gifts for completing chores or accomplishing goals. In life, not all positive actions or accomplishments are rewarded with physical items. Acknowledging accomplishments with positive reinforcement, quality time and occasional gifts will prevent kids from expecting big rewards every time.

4. Give back. Giving financially to a charity or volunteering allows kids to learn about those who are less fortunate. Serving others will help your children see the gratitude others experience for an act of kindness. Those experiences will have a lasting impression.

5. Educate your children about developing countries. It’s important for kids to learn about the world around them. Living in a country where we have many freedoms, opportunities and security is a huge blessing. Find age-appropriate sources of information to share with your kids.

6. Incorporate acknowledgment of gratitude into your routine. Rather than waiting once a year to count your blessings, take time once a week to share with your family what you are thankful for. Help your children acknowledge the little things that we may sometimes take for granted.

Developing and cultivating gratitude in our daily routines will have a lasting effect on ourselves, our children and others around us. This holiday season, take time to count your blessings and also develop a routine to recognize your gratitude often.

By Davi Stein-Kiley, Director of Social Work, Courier & Press, Nov. 24, 2015 –

His face was determined, discouraged. He had written a letter saying goodbye to his family, telling them how much he loved them. He had given his dog a hug and said goodbye. He was ready, he said.

He had dyed his jet-black hair blonde and adopted the habit of frequent porn usage,  which infuriated his parents and was hard for him to quit. He lied and stole money. His parents were confused and frustrated, trying to provide love and limits but not gaining any ground.

He was 16, and he had had enough of this life. In the midst of all the conflict, he decided suicide was his best option.

His parents found the note and brought him to the agency I worked for. I asked him what would help him know if life was worth living. He was puzzled but answered, “When things go right.” I asked, “What will tell you when things are going right?”

We sat quietly for a time just listening to our breathing, and the air hung heavily. We spoke of happier times in his life — when he was smaller, when he got his dog, when he and his family went on vacations. We talked about his dreams of owning a motorcycle and having children of his own.

He shared that he felt closed off from his family. He admitted most of that was his own doing. He wanted something different but wasn’t sure where to begin.

When teens struggle, adults can grow weary of finding the right support. In this case, the parents sought outside counseling.

Teens often experiment with risk-taking behaviors — drug and alcohol use, early sexual activity, porn use. Risky choices can yield pain and embarrassment, and many teens prematurely decide suicide is the best way out. This is both tragic and preventable.

We want to keep young people from becoming isolated, lonely and depressed. Parents and caregivers should watch for signs that indicate it’s time for help.

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) identified strong risk factors for teen suicide as depression, alcohol or drug abuse and aggressive, disruptive behaviors. Ninety percent of individuals who attempt suicide have either depression or substance abuse diagnoses.

One in five teens will seriously think about committing suicide, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Additional factors include family loss, divorce adjustment, dating violence, history of physical or sexual abuse, unplanned pregnancy, sexual orientation confusion and bullying at school.

Suicidal teens often feel hopeless and rejected. They are very vulnerable when there has been a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, an intense argument with parents or some form of humiliation such as not making the team or poor grades. These issues are often hard to uncover, and often professional assistance is needed for a deeper dive into these waters with teens.

Feelings of anger and resentment and the inability to see beyond a temporary situation often lead to suicidal attempts, according to the National Mental Health Association.

What can we do? If any of the concerns listed here resonate with your family, seek assistance right away. Your teen may not be excited about going to a professional, but it sends a message that you are concerned and care. Find time to listen and help teens get counseling when they are discouraged and down. Often the presence of a neutral adult family friend or mentor can provide much-needed listening when times are tense.

When we met again, he said, “I must have really scared you. I didn’t really want to die; I just wasn’t sure what to do.”

Need help with your teen? Visit youthfirstinc.org and look for a Youth First Social Worker at your school. Call 1-800-273-8255, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, for additional help.

By Jacob Jewell, College Student Volunteer, Courier & Press, Nov. 10, 2015 –

Over the last several months, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to grow up. Mom was right: it’s not always going to be easy.

I distinctly remember when she first told me this. I was 14 years old and dismissed her with a special kind of certainty that is incredibly rare outside of adolescence.

“No, no, no,” I thought. “The world’s problems will not affect me. I have foresight.” Reassuring myself, I added, “Good things happen to good people, especially those who help themselves.” Oh boy, did I have it all figured out.

A lot has changed for me since then, both circumstantially and perceptually. Last February, just after beginning my second semester away at college, I started having seizures, stemming from a relatively small, noncancerous tumor in the temporal lobe of my brain.

Dog lovers everywhere have told me not to worry about it. Their dogs have epilepsy, and they are fine. Whew.

Since the tumor is noncancerous and isn’t presently growing, right now it is more of an inconvenience than anything devastating. When I first got the news of the tumor, however, there were several unknowns surrounding the related prognosis. Needless to say, I was pretty shocked.

I’m fine now, but this was an incredibly eye-opening experience for me, considering that it could have happened to anyone and been far worse.

On top of that, I realized that everyone will have to face something equally scary or worse involving themselves or a loved one. These things are an unnerving consequence of life. Everyone will face an obstacle at some point in life and need somebody to lean on, whether he or she is a friend, relative or fellow community member.

This understanding is beautifully unifying, bringing together people of all groups. It necessitates philanthropy by emphasizing the genuine interdependence of our community.

No one can stand alone in the face of life’s varied, adverse circumstances. As a people, we are all in this together, and our ability to understand, articulate, and act on our unified causes is one of the defining characteristics of being human, of occupying a society.

Being an active community member is about understanding that roles do change. People fall on hard times. At their best, people take when they need to and give back when they can. They are united in their philanthropic causes and understanding that anyone can be down on their luck — an idea that had once, not that long ago, honestly and embarrassingly evaded me.

Furthermore, being an active community member is about giving energy back into your community, all with the shared ability to use these communal resources, tools and programs since the need to do so can suddenly arise for anyone.

This unity makes community organizations like Youth First invaluable since such groups plug young children and teenagers into strong social networks to help them deal with the speed bumps that pepper life throughout its course.

From a young age, the children of this network receive foundational lessons to last a lifetime, gaining wisdom along the way. The positive role models of such organizations teach our city’s youth the importance of reciprocal giving and judicious taking, the art that builds a strong community.