By Callie Sanders, Courier & Press, January 19, 2016 –

Stress is a normal part of our everyday lives. It can sometimes be a very good thing such as when it motivates a person to try harder at work or school or encourages someone to be more alert.

But when does stress become too much?

Physical symptoms are usually a key indicator that stress levels are maxed out. Some common symptoms are headaches, elevated blood pressure, insomnia and stomach issues.

When the human body is screaming, “I’m stressed out,” what can be done to change that? Stress management skills are vital tools no matter what age. It’s good to introduce these techniques early. Let’s face it, kids are stressed too.

Below are some tips I use as a school social worker to help students de-stress:

Take a mental vacation. In this exercise, students are asked to close their eyes and visualize a place in their mind that would combat stress and negative thoughts. This place can be real or make believe. Students are encouraged to write the place down and then draw it. This teaches students to be mindful and gives them the ability to detach from negativity and use mental visuals to regain a calm state.

Just breathe. Deep breathing exercises help lower heart rate and muscle tension. To breathe deeply, begin by putting your hand on your abdomen. I ask students to visualize their belly as a balloon. Inhale slowly through your nose and watch your hand move out as your belly (balloon) expands. Hold the breath and exhale slowly through your mouth as the balloon deflates. Repeat several times. Blowing bubbles is also a great way to practice deep breathing exercises.

Say cheese. I have a sign on my door that reads, “You had the courage to stay, now go give a smile away.” Smiling is a win-win mechanism. We smile when we are relaxed and happy. Smiling at someone else can help them feel relaxed and happy too. Everyone wins.

Write it out. I use an activity called “Control vs. Non Control,” where students are asked to draw a large donut or tire on a piece of paper (one small circle inside a larger circle). In the small circle, they are asked to list stressors they may be able to change/control. In the larger circle, they list stressors that can’t be changed. I ask them to focus on the small circle of stressors, changing what they can. They can then practice letting go or coping with the stressors in the larger circle that can’t be controlled.

Be a fighter. Feeling like a victim can increase feelings of stress and helplessness. I teach students how to be proactive, using a water bottle as a visual analogy. When water is shaken up in the bottle (no matter how many times it is shaken), it doesn’t explode. Being proactive is just like that. When life is at its toughest, I ask them to remember the water bottle and use techniques that will keep them from exploding.

No matter what life stage we’re in, we all deal with some form of stress. Take control before it turns into distress.

I encourage you to use the tips provided. Just breathe. Keep fighting. Give a smile away in the process. It’s a win-win situation!

By Davi Stein-Kiley, Courier & Press, January 11, 2016 –

It’s not a secret. Children who lose a loved one often struggle to process the loss, understand death and comprehend the changes that take place in their families as others mourn. While support groups for parents often take the form of monthly meetings, kids need some different formats and activities.

Youth First, Inc. launched the first Camp Memories to support grieving children and families in the Evansville area. Camp Memories supports children who have lost parents, siblings, grandparents and other closely connected loved ones. Youth First, Inc. partnered with the YMCA of Southwestern Indiana to provide the camp. Children ages 7-12 were invited to share in a day of healing and hope.

The camp provides a safe place for kids to have fun with peers, talk about the emotions related to grief and participate in activities designed to create a safe place for experiencing strong emotions.

Research shows that one in nine Americans lose a parent before 20, and one in seven will lose a parent or sibling before 20. Seventy-two percent believe that life would have been “much better” if they had not lost a parent when they were so young.

Young people who have the opportunity to participate in a grief support program report the benefit of talking to other kids who have also lost a loved one is very helpful in their grieving process.

In a 2009 study published by Camp Comfort Zone of Richmond, Virginia, it was noted that memories of losses remain and color experiences in life well into adulthood. About seven of 10 adults who lost a parent growing up say they still think of their parent frequently — a sentiment that holds true regardless of how long ago the loss occurred.

For many, however, those memories are often insufficient and fading — about eight of 10 say they wish they had more memories of their parent. The desire to have one more moment with the lost one runs deep. More than half of adults bereaved as children say they would trade a year of their life for one more day with their lost parent.

Findings also included the idea that many kids feel different from their peers after losing a loved one, and many families seem to avoid dialogue about their loved one, primarily because it is uncomfortable and awkward.

Opportunities to talk about loss and grief are hard to find. Camp Memories was designed to create opportunities for young people to find language about their loss, to find support from peers and to learn some tools to manage the overwhelming feelings experienced in grieving. A parent’s group is included, providing support to them as well as information about how to support their kids.

At the close of the day, one parent commented, “This was such a help for my son. He has started to open up.”

Youth First plans to offer Camp Memories as a daylong grief workshop two times a year. The November camp helped all participants focus on holidays and anniversary dates. The June Camp will focus on summer, getting along with friends and ways to remember while also moving on in the grieving process.

For more information and resources about grief and children check outhellogrief.org ordougy.org/.

By Nichole White, Courier & Press, Dec. 22, 2015 –

We live in a busy and demanding world, where it seems like everyday responsibilities and stress are always increasing. Stressors such as working, raising children, caring for elder parents, going to school — not to mention life-changing events such as moving, marrying and divorcing — can definitely take a toll on us.

To help balance life demands and maintain health, we need to practice self care. Self care is defined as “a necessary human function which is purposeful, learned, and continuous.” Therefore, it is important to be in charge of your own self care and essential that it is part of your routine.

I did not really understand the importance of self care until I had my children. I loved being a parent, but it also brought on feelings and stress I had not experienced before.

To help manage my stress, I took up running and training for my first half-marathon. I always joked with my family and friends that I would run 13.1 miles for some peace and quiet!

I also focused on my friendships and building new relationships. I made a point to schedule girls’ nights with my friends, and I started a new hobby with Thirty-One Gifts Inc., which allowed me to get out of the house and meet new people.

How do you know if you need self care? Well, everyone does!

Here are some signs that you may need to focus more on self care:

• Sleep deprivation
• Depression and anxiety
• Irritability
• High blood pressure
• Constantly being sick
• Obesity
• Trouble concentrating and poor performance at work/school
• No alone time

If you have ever said, “I don’t have any time for myself,” then you are also in need of self care. It is important to spend time alone. It gives your brain a chance to recharge, and resting mind and body is essential for dealing with stress.

So what does self care look like? It’s doing what you love and enjoy.

The 10 most important steps in self-care are:

1. Get plenty of sleep.
2. Eat foods high in nutrition.
3. Exercise. Exercise releases the chemical serotonin in your brain, which influences your mood. Exercise at least 3 hours a week.
4. Seek social support. Spend time with friends or increase your social network by joining clubs.
5. Make time for hobbies. Do what you love, whether it is reading, yoga, gardening, playing sports, drawing, fishing, etc.
6. Pamper yourself. Treat yourself to a massage, pedicure or bubble bath.
7. Stay mentally sharp. See stress as a challenge and not a threat. Stay alert by playing games that challenge your thinking and reasoning skills.
8. Have the right attitude. Be positive and optimistic. See the good in the challenge.
9. Process emotions. Feelings are messages telling you that something is not right. Spend time alone reflecting on what you are feeling.
10. Practice spirituality. This can include prayer and meditation.

As writer and self-growth pioneer Jennifer Louden has said, “Self care is not selfish or self-indulgent. We cannot nurture others from a dry well. We need to take care of our own needs first, and then we can give from our surplus, our abundance.”

By Ali Langen, Courier & Press, Dec. 8, 2015 – “Count your blessings” is a phrase we hear often, especially around the holidays. But other than when we’re sitting at the table eating our Thanksgiving turkey, how often do we stop to appreciate everything we have been blessed with? When was the last time you paused to acknowledge the many things you are grateful for?

Research has shown that encouraging our children to be grateful has powerful results. According to a 2007 study published in the Journal of School Psychology, results indicated that “counting blessings was associated with enhanced self-reported gratitude, optimism, life satisfaction and decreased negative affect.”

In today’s culture, we are constantly on the go and have little time to stop and count our blessings. We often find the time, however, to come up with something we want and do not have. As a parent, I’ve often wondered how I can encourage my children to value what they do have rather than wishing for something that they don’t.

Here are some tips that may help encourage an attitude of gratitude in your children:

1. Say “please” and “thank you.” This is something my family does already, but I’ve put it on my list because it is so important. You have to show respect to be respected. If I don’t lead by example, how can I expect my children to learn these habits? Kids mimic actions they see every day. Let’s be sure they are imitating positive actions.

2. It’s OK to say “no.” Sometimes it’s easier on the parents to say “yes” and give the child whatever they want. What are children learning if they expect parents to say “yes” every time? Children need to learn that life doesn’t always go their way and appreciate the times that we do say “yes.”

3. Provide opportunities for children to earn things they want — but not always in exchange for gifts or money. It’s almost expected that kids earn allowances or gifts for completing chores or accomplishing goals. In life, not all positive actions or accomplishments are rewarded with physical items. Acknowledging accomplishments with positive reinforcement, quality time and occasional gifts will prevent kids from expecting big rewards every time.

4. Give back. Giving financially to a charity or volunteering allows kids to learn about those who are less fortunate. Serving others will help your children see the gratitude others experience for an act of kindness. Those experiences will have a lasting impression.

5. Educate your children about developing countries. It’s important for kids to learn about the world around them. Living in a country where we have many freedoms, opportunities and security is a huge blessing. Find age-appropriate sources of information to share with your kids.

6. Incorporate acknowledgment of gratitude into your routine. Rather than waiting once a year to count your blessings, take time once a week to share with your family what you are thankful for. Help your children acknowledge the little things that we may sometimes take for granted.

Developing and cultivating gratitude in our daily routines will have a lasting effect on ourselves, our children and others around us. This holiday season, take time to count your blessings and also develop a routine to recognize your gratitude often.

By Davi Stein-Kiley, Director of Social Work, Courier & Press, Nov. 24, 2015 –

His face was determined, discouraged. He had written a letter saying goodbye to his family, telling them how much he loved them. He had given his dog a hug and said goodbye. He was ready, he said.

He had dyed his jet-black hair blonde and adopted the habit of frequent porn usage,  which infuriated his parents and was hard for him to quit. He lied and stole money. His parents were confused and frustrated, trying to provide love and limits but not gaining any ground.

He was 16, and he had had enough of this life. In the midst of all the conflict, he decided suicide was his best option.

His parents found the note and brought him to the agency I worked for. I asked him what would help him know if life was worth living. He was puzzled but answered, “When things go right.” I asked, “What will tell you when things are going right?”

We sat quietly for a time just listening to our breathing, and the air hung heavily. We spoke of happier times in his life — when he was smaller, when he got his dog, when he and his family went on vacations. We talked about his dreams of owning a motorcycle and having children of his own.

He shared that he felt closed off from his family. He admitted most of that was his own doing. He wanted something different but wasn’t sure where to begin.

When teens struggle, adults can grow weary of finding the right support. In this case, the parents sought outside counseling.

Teens often experiment with risk-taking behaviors — drug and alcohol use, early sexual activity, porn use. Risky choices can yield pain and embarrassment, and many teens prematurely decide suicide is the best way out. This is both tragic and preventable.

We want to keep young people from becoming isolated, lonely and depressed. Parents and caregivers should watch for signs that indicate it’s time for help.

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) identified strong risk factors for teen suicide as depression, alcohol or drug abuse and aggressive, disruptive behaviors. Ninety percent of individuals who attempt suicide have either depression or substance abuse diagnoses.

One in five teens will seriously think about committing suicide, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Additional factors include family loss, divorce adjustment, dating violence, history of physical or sexual abuse, unplanned pregnancy, sexual orientation confusion and bullying at school.

Suicidal teens often feel hopeless and rejected. They are very vulnerable when there has been a breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend, an intense argument with parents or some form of humiliation such as not making the team or poor grades. These issues are often hard to uncover, and often professional assistance is needed for a deeper dive into these waters with teens.

Feelings of anger and resentment and the inability to see beyond a temporary situation often lead to suicidal attempts, according to the National Mental Health Association.

What can we do? If any of the concerns listed here resonate with your family, seek assistance right away. Your teen may not be excited about going to a professional, but it sends a message that you are concerned and care. Find time to listen and help teens get counseling when they are discouraged and down. Often the presence of a neutral adult family friend or mentor can provide much-needed listening when times are tense.

When we met again, he said, “I must have really scared you. I didn’t really want to die; I just wasn’t sure what to do.”

Need help with your teen? Visit youthfirstinc.org and look for a Youth First Social Worker at your school. Call 1-800-273-8255, the National Suicide Prevention Hotline, for additional help.