Growing Up Means Giving Back

Mother and son

By Jacob Jewell, College Student Volunteer, Courier & Press, Nov. 10, 2015 –

Over the last several months, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to grow up. Mom was right: it’s not always going to be easy.

I distinctly remember when she first told me this. I was 14 years old and dismissed her with a special kind of certainty that is incredibly rare outside of adolescence.

“No, no, no,” I thought. “The world’s problems will not affect me. I have foresight.” Reassuring myself, I added, “Good things happen to good people, especially those who help themselves.” Oh boy, did I have it all figured out.

A lot has changed for me since then, both circumstantially and perceptually. Last February, just after beginning my second semester away at college, I started having seizures, stemming from a relatively small, noncancerous tumor in the temporal lobe of my brain.

Dog lovers everywhere have told me not to worry about it. Their dogs have epilepsy, and they are fine. Whew.

Since the tumor is noncancerous and isn’t presently growing, right now it is more of an inconvenience than anything devastating. When I first got the news of the tumor, however, there were several unknowns surrounding the related prognosis. Needless to say, I was pretty shocked.

I’m fine now, but this was an incredibly eye-opening experience for me, considering that it could have happened to anyone and been far worse.

On top of that, I realized that everyone will have to face something equally scary or worse involving themselves or a loved one. These things are an unnerving consequence of life. Everyone will face an obstacle at some point in life and need somebody to lean on, whether he or she is a friend, relative or fellow community member.

This understanding is beautifully unifying, bringing together people of all groups. It necessitates philanthropy by emphasizing the genuine interdependence of our community.

No one can stand alone in the face of life’s varied, adverse circumstances. As a people, we are all in this together, and our ability to understand, articulate, and act on our unified causes is one of the defining characteristics of being human, of occupying a society.

Being an active community member is about understanding that roles do change. People fall on hard times. At their best, people take when they need to and give back when they can. They are united in their philanthropic causes and understanding that anyone can be down on their luck — an idea that had once, not that long ago, honestly and embarrassingly evaded me.

Furthermore, being an active community member is about giving energy back into your community, all with the shared ability to use these communal resources, tools and programs since the need to do so can suddenly arise for anyone.

This unity makes community organizations like Youth First invaluable since such groups plug young children and teenagers into strong social networks to help them deal with the speed bumps that pepper life throughout its course.

From a young age, the children of this network receive foundational lessons to last a lifetime, gaining wisdom along the way. The positive role models of such organizations teach our city’s youth the importance of reciprocal giving and judicious taking, the art that builds a strong community.

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Caring Kids Cultivate Compassion

Kate's Keep Trying Mom Picture

By Parri Black, Courier & Press, Nov. 3, 2015 –

We’ve all had one of those days when nothing goes right and everything goes wrong.

My niece — the mother of three children ages 2, 4 and 6 — had “one of those days” this summer, but thankfully, it ended with some profound words of wisdom.

It was the first day of summer, a time to relax, or so she thought. No rushing around to get ready and dash out the door to school, day care and work.

However, this moment of bliss quickly turned into a series of trying events, lengthy work-related phone calls and simultaneous knocks at the door, all the while Mom was still in her pajamas and trying to keep the kids entertained.

Then the toddler locked herself in the house while everyone else was outside, so Dad had to come home and save the day, but it wasn’t over yet.

This same adorable child decided to throw an hour long temper tantrum because she was dressed in the “wrong clothes” to walk the dog.

Just before bedtime, the sensitive big sister came to the rescue with an amazing gift for her frazzled mom.

She created a masterpiece with magic markers, a sign simply reading: “Keep Trying Mom.”

This 6-year-old’s sweet gesture illustrates how well she has already grasped at least two important life skills.

The first is the power of persistence, or as the proverb says, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try, try again.”

There’s a reason why tenacity is the theme of many children’s books such as “The Little Engine That Could.” Now often referred to as “grit,” this is one of the characteristics that can predict success in school and in life.

Another vital social skill is the one that motivated her message in the first place — empathy. She could tell mom needed some encouragement after a very bad day.

With the words “Keep Trying Mom,” she was also communicating how much she cared. Researchers say children as young as one or two can demonstrate empathy by acting in a caring way toward others.

Good parents start instilling these life lessons early, not only by what they say but also by what they do. Children need love and limits, a home environment that provides discipline and guidance with a healthy dose of understanding and kindness.

Studies have linked the lack of empathy in children to bullying and other disruptive behaviors as well as juvenile delinquency, so it’s a very important skill to cultivate.

Caring, compassionate parents usually raise caring, compassionate children, but teachers and mentors can also help children practice and develop their concern for others.

Friends recently shared a great example of empathy turned into action when their middle school daughter noticed a fellow student who had few friends and low self-esteem.

On her own, she decided to help by quietly sending a daily text message to her classmate. They were positive affirmations like,”Your new shoes are cute,” or “Great job on your science project.”

She sent a text every day without fail for months, a simple act of compassion that buoyed the spirits of another child.

When my friends later learned about their daughter’s initiative, they were amazed, grateful and no doubt, proud.

Just as parents encourage empathy in their kids, kindhearted children can also inspire compassion in adults.

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Watch Leah’s Story- Overcoming Anxiety & Depression

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Collegiate Success

College students

By Ahmad Allaw, Courier & Press, Oct. 27, 2015 –

There is no formula for collegiate success. For one, our goals are not the same nor are our journeys toward those goals. What may work for one student may not work for others.

However, that doesn’t mean you have to blindly fumble around before finding success in college. Often, there are common strategies you can employ to put yourself in a position to succeed.

The defining characteristic of college is independence. You have more autonomy over yourself, your decisions and your actions.

Perhaps the most important aspect of this independence is choosing for yourself how you want to spend the rest of your life, as your four years in college will likely have some bearing on your future career.

That is an immense responsibility. Within four years, you will likely have cemented, to some extent, your future.

So find what you love. Find something that you will not only feel comfortable dedicating your life to but also something you would enjoy spending the rest of your life doing.

Don’t commit too early to a major. Try different classes. Figure out what you do and do not like. You may tap into some intellectual curiosity you did not know existed. You may find something so fascinating that your way of thinking changes.

Once you start taking the classes that interest you, you will find college academia becomes so much easier. Even if the classes are harder and the grading tougher, you will enjoy the daily grind and routine studying. Learning will be fun, and that almost always correlates with success.

You will also have independence outside of the classroom. Often, the people who graduate from college with the most meaningful experiences are those who turn what would otherwise be unproductive into something productive. Fill your free time with meaningful engagements and experiences for you.

The best way to do this is to explore clubs and student organizations. If you are interested in writing there will likely be several publication outlets on campus. If you are interested in community building there will almost certainly be service organizations. Even if you are interested in what might seem to be the most esoteric of things there will still likely be something to match your interest.

Many prospective college students equate collegiate freedom and independence with extended partying and alcohol use. For some, this is an inevitable part of the college experience, although there are a significant number of students who choose to abstain. I cannot tell you to avoid drinking altogether; each person makes that choice individually. However, the danger is that the occasional drink becomes more frequent or that partying turns into over-partying.

That, however, doesn’t happen except when time is left unfilled. Joining organizations that match your interests, partaking in important extracurricular activities such as joining university research groups on campus, will keep you from developing unhealthy and, in some cases, what may become dangerous habits and behavior.

In the long run, you won’t remember the number of parties you attended or the number of drinks you were able to drink. You will, however, remember what organizations you were a part of and what you did to positively impact change either on campus or in your community.

As a final remark, find the right balance between education, extra-curriculars and relaxation. Don’t let academics consume you. Don’t overextend yourself with too many activities outside of class. And don’t forget to take a break every now and then. Have fun — in healthy ways — with your friends.

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Raising Kids to be Good Sports

Boys playing flag football

By Vicki Kirkman, Courier & Press, Oct. 13, 2015 – After a recent hockey game, I overhead my 4-year old son ask, “Did you win, Daddy? Did you beat the other team?” He was jumping up and down with excitement to hear the good news about a victory.

His happy face turned sad when he realized his dad’s team had lost.  My husband saw his disappointment and shared that despite the loss, he did his best and still had a great time playing.

Learning to lose gracefully and be a fair sport can be hard for anyone.  One of the greatest lessons parents can teach their children is to enjoy the experience of sports instead of focusing on the outcome.  Winning a championship game or being ranked number one is great, but learning how to handle disappointment or seeing someone else win is valuable too.

Parents can help their children learn good sports etiquette in several ways.  Encouraging them to try their hardest and focus on aspects of the game like meeting new friends can take the pressure off of winning. Helping children set personal goals allows them to improve their individual growth.

Parents should also stress the importance of cooperating with others, listening to their coach and maintaining a positive attitude. The easiest way parents can teach their kids how to play fair and be a good sport is to model good sportsmanship behavior themselves.

The website www.kidshealth.org provides other helpful tips for children and young adults to remember.  Those 10 tips include:

  1. Be polite to everyone you’re playing with and against. Keep language polite and don’t “trash talk.”
  2. Don’t show off, just play your best. If you’re good, people will notice anyway!
  3. Tell your opponents “good game” whether you have won or lost.
  4. Learn the rules of the game and show up for practices and games on time.
  5. Listen to your coaches and follow their directions about playing.
  6. Don’t argue with an official if you don’t agree with his or her call. If you don’t understand a certain call, wait until the end of the game and ask your coach to explain it to you.
  7. Don’t make up excuses or blame a teammate when you lose. Take responsibility for your own performance and try to learn from what happened.
  8. Be willing to sit out so another team member can get in the game, even if you think you are a better player.
  9. Play fair and don’t cheat.
  10. Cheer for yourself and teammates. Keep a positive attitude!

There are many benefits to playing sports.  Participating in sports is an excellent way to get physical exercise.  It can help children burn off extra energy, manage stress, lower depression and maintain a healthy weight.  Being involved in athletics teaches teamwork and responsibility. It also allows children to meet other kids with similar interests.  Lastly, children that participate in sports often have a positive body image and gain confidence in their abilities, which leads to higher self-esteem.

Teaching kids the importance of being a graceful winner and loser is a necessary part of the game.  When good sportsmanship is practiced everyone wins!

This column is contributed by Vicki Kirkman, school social worker for Youth First, Inc., a local nonprofit dedicated to strengthening youth and families. To learn more about Youth First, visit www.youthfirstinc.org or call 812-421-8336.

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The Benefits of Laughter

By Donna Wolter, Courier & Press, Oct. 6, 2015 –

Did you know that laughter and stress have the exact opposite effect on the body and mind? Laughter is a natural cure for reducing stress, anxiety and health problems. Laughing at a funny joke, reading the comics or watching a humorous show is a fun way to improve your overall health.

In the book, “A Better Brain at Any Age: The Holistic Way to Improve Your Memory, Reduce Stress and Sharpen Your Wits,” author Sondra Kornblatt writes that a new field called gelotology is exploring the benefits of laughter.

Kornblatt writes that in Norman Cousins’ memoir, “Anatomy of an Illness,” he talks about how watching funny shows helped him feel better and get pain-free sleep. That is because when we laugh, our pituitary gland releases its own pain-suppressing opiates.

Kornblatt also lists the following benefits of laughter:

  • Lowers blood pressure
  • Increases vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood
  • Gives a workout to the diaphragm and abdominal, respiratory, facial, leg and back muscles
  • Reduces certain stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenaline
  • Increases the response to infections by producing immunoglobulin in saliva, even reducing the frequency of colds
  • Increases memory and learning

In a study at John Hopkins University Medical School, humor during instruction led to increased test scores, improved alertness, creativity and memory.

Along with this new field of gelotology, we now have over 400 laughter clubs in the U. S. According to Laughter Yoga International, a group led by founder Dr. Madan Kataria, there are about 6,000 laughter clubs worldwide. “Laughter yoga” is based on the simple truth that children instinctively know laughter makes you feel better. Children laugh about 400 times more per day than adults, who average 15 times per day.

Like aerobics, laughter can boost our energy level by providing more oxygen to the body. Laughter yoga involves prolonged voluntary laughter. It is done in groups with eye contact and playfulness between participants. Forced laughter gradually turns into real and contagious laughter.

Dr. Lawrence Shapiro writes in his book, “The Relaxation and Stress Reduction Workbook for Kids,” that laughter is a social lubricant, especially for children. One study of children 3-18 asked, “What are three things you like about your friends?” The phrase, “likes to laugh and have fun” appeared in the responses in every age group. This finding adds another layer to the importance of laughter in reducing stress in children. Peer interaction is an important stress reducer, while social isolation is one of the most significant stresses of childhood.

Here are a few activities you might want to try to bring the benefits of laughter into your home.

  • Make fun of a stressful situation. (For example, I know I am really stressed when I can’t find my glasses, and they’re on top of my head.)
  • Have a joke night at your house and have each family member tell a joke.
  • Make a poster of funny photos of your family.
  • Post funny comics on the refrigerator.
  • Have a crazy dress up night.
  • Have a fun game night playing charades, Pictionary, etc.

Trying these simple activities with your family can be fun, and you just might benefit from improved health, decreased pain, reduced stress and improved memory. Form your own laughter club and laugh your way to a better life.

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Seek Help for Academic Struggles

By Ahmad Allaw, Courier & Press, Sept. 29, 2015 –

You walk into what seems like an auditorium with a flood of seats to your front, back, right and left. Eventually, you take a seat among a sea of others. There are perhaps 200 students, maybe more.

It’s nothing like you have ever seen. It is neither like high school nor what came before. Some students will quickly become accustomed to these large lecture courses, succeeding without fail. Others, though, will feel like a drop of water among what seems to be an endless stretch of ocean.

The professor speaks and leaves. There is no time to ask questions. If you stumble, the teacher is not there to pick you up. If you fall behind, the run does not stop; instead, the marathon continues. One bad grade can quickly become two, and two can quickly become even more.

In college, many will experience their first real academic struggles, and the struggle hurts. It hurts because you aren’t necessarily lacking in effort. It hurts because you see others, with less time invested, succeeding when you are not.

You may not know what to do. You may feel defeated and think about giving up. You may question yourself, doubting your own value and intellect.

For college students who experience such issues, the biggest mistake is thinking you are alone and believing you cannot or should not ask for help.

Perhaps all I have written thus far falls on deaf ears. However, if there is one thing I could say, one piece of invaluable advice I cannot stress more, it would be to never shy away from asking for help.

The help is there. For any troubles you could almost certainly talk to your resident adviser or counselor. Every university also has tutoring services. The professors that leave immediately after lecture have office hours. Most are friendlier than they might seem during lecture, and they also want to see you succeed. If the professor is not there, a teacher’s assistant almost certainly will be there.

Remember, help is always there, but you must have the courage to use it.

And, as a reminder, always have perspective. You may tend to get caught up in your present, forgetting both what came before and what may still be to come. You are in college because of your own accomplishments. You are in college because someone saw what you had done, what you were and what you could be. Someone was willing to take a chance on you.

So never feel like you don’t belong that college isn’t for you or that you are somehow less worthy than anyone else. And remember, you are more — much more — than your grades. Don’t let your grade-point average define who you are.

And so, as a college student, things won’t necessarily be easy. You will likely struggle at times, whether in academia or otherwise. But, if you seek out help, if you use the resources the university provides, you will have a much easier time than if you keep things to yourself.

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The Power of Mindfulness

By Alissa Eastham, Courier & Press, September 22, 2015 –

Racing home after a busy day at work, you may have noticed the runner turning down the street behind you. With the Evansville Half Marathon a little over a month away, many have been out in full force training to run 13.1 miles in October.

I’ve often heard it said that running a race of that distance is “mind over matter.” I’m discovering firsthand how true that can be as I incorporate mindfulness techniques into my increasingly longer runs.

Of course, you don’t have to be a runner to apply mindfulness to your life. Whether you are training for a half marathon or just trying to race through your day, parents and kids alike can benefit from incorporating mindfulness into their daily routines. Meditation and focus on breathing may be what many regard as mindfulness, but that is only one piece. Ultimately, mindfulness is being intentionally present in the moment. The American Psychological Association (APA) describes mindfulness as a state of awareness without judgment — training your attention to develop calmness and clarity.

ABC News recently reported that a study from UCLA found that behavior and test scores improved in second- and third-graders who practiced mindfulness skills twice a week for 30 minutes. Other studies have found greater control of emotions and lower suspension, expulsion, and dropout rates for students practicing mindfulness techniques. The APA also reports a greater sense of control, better memory, and less stress and anxiety for those practicing on a regular basis.

Just as a runner has to build strength and stamina to prepare her muscles for race day, adults and kids alike must practice mindfulness a little each day to reap benefits in moments most needed (i.e. an adult becoming stressed at work, a student experiencing anxiety at school, or a parent and teen getting frustrated with one another at home).

Mindfulness can be practiced virtually anywhere; even taking a moment at a red light to clear your mind can be a simple way to practice.

Meditation and focus on breathing is only one piece of mindfulness, but it’s a great place to start. First, get comfortable. You don’t have to sit in lotus pose on the floor with your legs crossed and palms up; you can sit on the couch or lay in bed.

Next, focus on your breath. Breathe in through your nose. Notice your belly expand, filling with air, as you breathe in. Imagine your breath flowing up and out as you exhale. You may notice the difference in temperature on the tip of your nose as you breathe in and out. Notice any other sensations in your body. When you’re finished, you should feel more relaxed and peaceful.

Some parents choose to practice mindfulness for a few moments in the morning to have a calm start to the day. It can be practiced at any time — folding laundry, making dinner, even washing dishes. The trick is to keep your mind focused. If your mind wanders, acknowledge that you are no longer focused and redirect your thoughts back to the task at hand.

Once you have had some practice, teach your children how to be mindful and practice with them. Mindfulness Coach and Insight Timer are two apps that have an assortment of guided activities to help adults get started or improve their practice. Smiling Mind is an app that teaches children as young as 7 how to practice mindfulness. All of these are available at no cost.

Many other books, apps, and websites are available. Taking the time to be mindful in the midst of a busy life can help you catch your breath, whether you are training for a race or just racing through your day.

 

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Myths & Truths About Marijuana

By Margery Gianopoulos, Courier & Press, Sept. 22, 2015 –

In 1996, the state of California became the first in the U.S. to legalize medical marijuana. Since then, 22 other states have joined California, including Michigan and Illinois. Ohio is considering several marijuana-related initiatives for voters next fall, and if any of them pass, Indiana would be surrounded on three sides by states with some form of legal marijuana use.

The legalization of marijuana is changing the landscape across the country. While surveys indicate that substance use among youths has dropped, the data also shows that more youths perceive marijuana to be less risky than in years past. In other words, a growing number of teens think the occasional use of marijuana is no big deal, and it won’t hurt them. Prevention researchers say as the perception of risk drops, substance use typically increases.

Indiana University’s School of Public Health measures risk factors through the annual Indiana Youth Survey. Most states have this same type of survey. The Indiana Youth Survey measures 30-day substance use, age of first use, perception of peer approval and parental approval, along with risk factors which may increase problem youth behaviors such as substance use, school dropout, violence, pregnancy and behavior health.

The behaviors and attitudes of Warrick County’s sixth- through 12th-grade students mirror the national data. From 2013 to 2014, the number of sixth -raders reporting low perception of risk for marijuana more than tripled.

Clearly, the legalization of marijuana is impacting thinking, and it could soon impact behavior among our youths.

The questions surrounding the issue include: Is medical marijuana a good thing, what research is being done, and what about recreational use? Can pot be addictive? What could be the impact on our children and communities, and how do we separate the truth from the myths?

Warrick County Communities That Care Coalition and Youth First, Inc. held a town hall to a discuss these questions and more during a town hall forum on Sept. 8th.

Former WIKY News Director Randy Wheeler moderated the discussion with a panel that included Dr. Daniel Rusyniak, medical director of the Indiana Poison Center and professor of emergency medicine, Indiana University School of Medicine; Marlin Weisheit, Warrick County commissioner and retired Chandler police chief; Judge Keith Meier, Warrick County Superior Court and Drug Court, retired; Brett Kruse, Warrick County sheriff; Michael Perry, Warrick County prosecutor; Tad Powless, director of special education, Warrick County School Corp.; Davi Stein-Kiley, Youth First director of social work; Kathy Baker, Youth First school social worker, Castle High School; Althea Ingram, Castle High School parent; Kaylynne Glass, Castle High School junior; Alex Hardgrave, Castle High School sophomore.

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Navigating a Girl’s World

By Dena Embrey, Courier & Press, Sept. 1, 2015 – Working as a Youth First Social Worker in an elementary school, I frequently talk to girls who are having friendship problems.

They often report being teased, criticized, excluded or the victim of gossip and rumors. I hear about how they struggle to be included, and they are often confused by the hot and cold treatment they receive from friends.

During one recent conversation with a sixth grader, she said she wished things were easy again like in first grade when no one cared about who was popular.

Author Rosalind Wiseman addresses the new realities of today’s girl world in her book “Queen Bees & Wannabes.” She supports the idea that bullying behaviors typically associated with adolescent girls are occurring at younger ages.

“Queen Bees & Wannabes” helps break down the challenges young girls encounter as they deal with cliques, teasing, gossip and rumors. Wiseman also educates parents and offers advice on how to help girls navigate their social world. Here are a few of Wiseman’s recommendations:

Seek out ways to strengthen your daughter’s self-esteem. Get her involved in activities she enjoys and expose her to different social groups. Teach her what it means to be a true friend. Don’t expect her to like everyone, but do expect her to respect everyone.

Establish yourself as a source of support. Don’t pass judgment or dismiss your daughter’s experiences by telling her, “Just ignore it,” or “You’re better off without them.” Instead, listen respectfully, thank her for telling you, and help her to identify appropriate ways of confronting the problem. Encourage her to be assertive and respectful.

Practice what you preach. One of the best ways to teach your daughter about positive social behavior is through role modeling. Ask yourself if you are engaging in the same behaviors you are trying to teach your daughter. If your answer is no, own up to it and use your mistakes as a teachable moment.

Limit and monitor her use of technology. One of the biggest impacts on today’s girl world is the access children have to technology like cellphones and the Internet. When used unethically, these can be powerful tools in bullying or harassing others. Parents who allow their children access to these tools are also responsible for teaching the safe and ethical way to use them. Parents must also go one step further and monitor use by having access to their child’s password and taking advantage of the controls offered by cellphone/Internet providers.

Remember that parenting is not a popularity contest. You are not meant to be your daughter’s best friend. Setting limits, holding her accountable and teaching her respect for herself and others are all part of your job as a parent. Her anger with you will only be temporary.

As young girls move toward adolescence, it is normal to rely less on parents and more on friends. The relationships a girl has with her friends play a major role in developing her self-image and future patterns of behavior. Despite this, parents should not underestimate the significant role they play in offering guidance and helping develop healthy relationship patterns.

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