Parenting Your Teen Through Heartbreak

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By Deena Bodine, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Parenting presents many rewards and challenges. Watching our children grow into teenagers who are working to manage demands, grow more independent, and build interpersonal relationships is one of those rewarding experiences. 

During the adolescent years, our teens are likely to experience milestones, including an interest in more romantic relationships as well as developing a deeper capacity for sharing in relationships that are more intimate. We, as parents, can be caught off guard when our child experiences heartbreak.  

As adults, we may look back fondly on memories of our first love, or we may cringe while remembering what we thought was love. Our children’s experiences can often evoke responses from us rooted in our own personal experiences. At times, it can be challenging to know how to best support and encourage our children. Heartbreak is no exception. 

First, our initial response in this situation should be to listen to our child. Listening allows our child to explore and process their thoughts and feelings without interference. This can be a challenge for us because we have spent so much of their lives offering suggestions and advice. 

Second, we should validate their feelings. Heartbreak is an example of grief and loss, and with that may come feelings of sadness, anger, and guilt—not unlike those emotions experienced with the death of a loved one. Validation involves tuning into your child, acknowledging their feelings without ignoring, dismissing, or judging.  

Following a breakup, it can be common to distance yourself from others. While it can be beneficial for your teen to take time for themselves, it is also important for teens to stay connected. Discuss finding a balance between taking time for themselves and connecting with others. 

Keeping busy with activities your teen enjoys can do wonders for the healing process. While it may be a challenge for your teen to avoid their ex, especially if they attend the same school or have the same circle of friends, encourage your teen to set healthy boundaries. This includes online too. Encourage your teen to practice healthy social media habits and limit posting or commenting online regarding their relationship. They may choose to limit messaging or online interactions with their ex as well. 

Lastly, assist your teen in maintaining their routine as much as possible. Check on their health habits, including sleep and staying active. Encourage your teen to talk with family and friends who can support them. Help your teen recognize the positives of a breakup, which include learning more about themselves as well as what they want (or don’t want) in future relationships. 

If your teen is struggling to move on following a breakup, or if feeling unsafe in any way, it is important to advocate for help on their behalf. Encourage your teen to talk to someone they trust. If these feelings are affecting daily life, stopping them from doing things they enjoy, or have lasted longer than a couple of weeks, it may be beneficial for your teen to talk with their physician or a counselor. 

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The Power of Positive Reinforcement

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By Brittney Cameron, MSW, Youth First, Inc.

One of the most difficult parts of parenting is managing your child’s behavior. Behavior management is crucial because we want to raise kids who know how to act and behave appropriately, both at home and in social settings.

So how do you manage your child’s behavior? Do you find yourself constantly yelling at your child to call out their misbehavior? Are you often losing your temper and feel like you are already overwhelmed? If you want to see a change in your child’s behavior, you may want to reconsider your approach. This is where positive reinforcement comes in. 

Positive reinforcement is a parenting technique that is used to encourage obedience and teach desired behavior without the use of punishment, threat, abuse, shame, or humiliation. The long-term benefits of positive reinforcement establish a positive impact on the child’s long-term behavior.

Negative reinforcement can instill anxiety and fear that may result in long-term negative impacts on a child’s self worth. Some of the important benefits of positive reinforcement make your child feel loved, develop your child’s self-esteem, and boost your confidence as a parent!

Here are some examples of positive reinforcement that you can practice with your child.

  1. Encourage your child to clean up by offering praise right when it happens. As you see them start to pick up their toys, offer verbal praise for them starting the effort by saying something like, “I like how hard you are working to put your toys away.”
  2. If mealtimes are a battle, reinforce your child taking a bite of food even if they do not eat the entire thing. Try to stray away from bribing your child with dessert.
  3. Instead of nagging your child 20 times to brush their teeth, reinforce the steps leading up to the teeth brushing. If you explain that it is time for your child to brush their teeth and they start moving toward the bathroom, you can verbally praise them for starting the process.
  4. When you see your child independently starting their homework, you can use verbal positive reinforcement to encourage them to continue. Focus on the process of doing the homework itself rather than on how your child does on the homework.
  5. Similarly to how you approach homework, when your child does well on a test you want to praise the effort. This reinforces the idea that hard work is to be celebrated.
  6. Sometimes kids can be timid about trying something new. To encourage them, praise your child’s effort. Rather than saying, “You played so well!” you can say, “I know how scary it can be to do something new. I like how you tried this even though you were scared.”

Positive reinforcement may take some practice, but once you start using the technique of praising the process rather than the outcome, it can be hugely beneficial to your children and will strengthen your relationship.

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Kendrick Foundation to Award $75,000 to Youth First Grant to Provide Expanded Mental Health Support and Substance Use Prevention for Morgan County Youth

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The Kendrick Foundation continues to invest in the well-being of Morgan County youth. A grant award of $75,000 will be presented to Youth First, Inc. on Wednesday, March 1, at 10:00 am ET. The check presentation will be held at Mooresville High School, 550 N Indiana St, Mooresville, IN. The media is invited to attend.

The Kendrick Foundation’s vision of serving as the premier catalyst for identifying and promoting the healthcare needs of Morgan County is leading health initiatives to address three focus areas: mental health, substance use, and physical activity and nutrition. 

The grant to Youth First will allow for continued mental health support for students in selected Martinsville and Mooresville schools. Youth First partners with 117 schools across 13 Indiana counties to embed prevention programs and 83 skilled mental health professionals in school buildings, where they become specialized mentors for students and prevention coaches for parents and teachers. Youth First Social Workers build caring relationships, foster readiness for positive change, and boost resiliency along with other valuable life skills.

Research shows these protective factors are the keys to effective prevention of negative outcomes for young people. The organization’s positive work and strategies are driving growth, with more schools seeking Youth First’s help to address the growing need for mental health supports for students.

The Kendrick Foundation has supported Youth First in Morgan County since 2018.

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Celebrating the History and Impact of Social Work

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By Jacee Baker, MSW, Youth First, Inc.

Every year in March, we are thankful for the opportunity to celebrate our Youth First Social Workers and the remarkable work they do. This year we are celebrating 83 incredible school social workers who provide programs and services to students across 13 Indiana counties. These amazing individuals change the lives of thousands of kids each year.

The Social Work Field has come a long way since it was founded by Jane Addams in the late 19th century. What started as a grass roots, humanitarian effort has transformed into a network of thousands of widespread organizations that help provide individuals and communities with tools and resources to build healthier lives.

Jane Addams and her colleagues created a network that provided vital services to thousands of people each week. They established a system of kindergarten and day care for working mothers, as well as provided job training, English language tutoring, cooking lessons, and acculturation classes for immigrants. They also established a job-placement bureau, community center, gymnasium, and art gallery. Hull House, the social settlement establishment formed by Addams in Chicago, also provided services to individuals with immediate needs such as food, shelter, information, and referrals for other services.

At its core, social work is very much rooted in helping and protecting vulnerable populations. You can find social workers working as outpatient therapists, in homeless shelters, in hospitals, nursing homes, and of course, in schools.

At Youth First, our mission is to strengthen youth and families by providing evidence-based programs that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. We do this by placing licensed social workers in schools to provide no-cost mental health services to students. These services include individual counseling sessions, group sessions, classroom presentations, as well as family programs such as Family Connections and Family First.

Because of the ever-changing demands being placed on young people, Youth First Social Workers see students for a variety of reasons. They are well-equipped to help students develop coping skills to manage the stressors of life and find academic success and happiness at school.

Social workers all over the world provide life-changing services to people every single day. I personally feel so lucky to be part of an organization where I work closely with so many wonderful people who choose to spread their knowledge and light with us and our community daily.

Thank you to all of the social workers providing services that help people live happy, fulfilling lives. I’d like to say a special thank you to the Youth First Social Workers who go out every day and change the lives of children and families in Indiana communities.

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Talking to Your Children About Safety

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By Kacie Shipman, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Parenting is no easy task. It’s safe to say that most parents have felt concern over the well-being of their child. Talking to your children about important topics can be uncomfortable for a lot of parents. Often times, the feelings of being uncomfortable come from a lack of knowledge about the “right” thing to say.

As a Youth First Social Worker, I am often asked by parents what the right thing to tell their child about various topics would be. All children have different personalities, even in the same family. It is important to be sensitive to their personality differences, but always tell them facts and be truthful about safety in an age-appropriate way.

Children often ask questions at unexpected times about things they have heard or seen. It can be surprising if your child hasn’t asked about similar topics in the past or the question seems to be inappropriate for their developmental age. It is vital to answer as honestly as possible. If feeling caught off guard, it is okay to let them know you appreciate their question and would like some time to think about the best way to answer.

Talking to your children about their safety can start at a very young age in the early toddler years. Ensuring they know their parents’ first and last names is a great place to start. Toddlers can also practice the importance of staying by your side until it is safe to let go.

Using fear as a tactic to make children follow safety rules can often lead to feelings of anxiety or cause high emotions that lead to additional emotional challenges. This can create a sense of fear in children that the world is an unsafe place for them.

Children are not only hearing the words of their caregivers but sensing their emotions as well. Talking to children when the environment is calm and regulated is much more effective than in the heat of the moment when parents may be experiencing anxiety themselves related to an unwanted situation.

As children begin elementary school, they should be able to start working on memorizing their phone number. Another good practice is teaching children to identify safe adults should they be separated. If they become lost in a store, they should look for someone behind a cash register or someone wearing a uniform. If they are unable to find a store employee, they could look for another parent that has other children with them as well.

As children begin to mature and gain more independence, be sure to continue conversations about using good judgment and safety precautions. Allowing children independence with supervision supports their need for growth while still ensuring safety while their impulse control and time management skills are still developing.

Ensuring your children know there are emergency plans for all situations to help keep everyone safe can reduce anxiety. The unknown is difficult but knowing that your family understands how to be safe can alleviate fear.

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REACH Out to Someone with Addiction

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By Teresa Mercer, MSW, LCSW, LCAC, Youth First, Inc.

Millions of people in the United States are affected by substance misuse. In the last few years, death rates from opiate and fentanyl overdoses have been increasing among young people, which is alarming and disturbing.

The simple definition of addiction is this: “Continuing to seek and use substances despite adverse consequences.” Addiction is a disease of the brain because it changes how the brain functions in the areas of reward, stress, and impulse control. Heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and a variety of other diseases all affect organs and other areas in the body. Much like other major diseases affect organs in the body, addiction affects the brain, the most complex organ in the body.

Families will keep addiction a secret due to the shame connected with it. I can’t think of any person/family that I have known personally that has dealt with a traumatic  disease that wants to keep it hidden. But many people who struggle with addiction will suffer in silence due to stigma.

As a mental health professional, it’s been interesting over the years to watch how people react when they find out someone they know has a family member with cancer compared to a family member addicted to opiates. I have the fortunate experience of proudly working with people who have addictions. In fact, I changed my language a few years ago and started saying I work with people who have addictions instead of saying I work with “addicts.”

People with addictions have names, families, jobs, dreams, hopes, and goals for the future just like everyone else. They also seem to have the best sense of humor, which the world seems to lack of late. They never intended to become addicted, but when you understand how addiction hijacks the brain, it’s easier to understand their actions. 

So how does addiction begin? Some people start using alcohol or marijuana as a teen, which starts out fun and then they can’t stop. Some people quickly move to other harmful substances. The other group of substance users often use to escape physical pain or emotional pain. They find something that makes them feel good or makes them function. Is that not what most of us do?

But I have witnessed the awesome transformation of people in recovery, and I can tell you that addiction takes over the thinking of the person. When they stop, the “old” person returns. Sobriety and recovery work! 

You can make a difference by educating yourself about addiction. Attend a local 12-step meeting and reach out if you know someone that is on his or her recovery journey.

REACH:

R- Show respect.

E- Have some empathy.

A- Gain more awareness.

C- Have compassion.

H-Offer help and hope.

Everyone needs compassion, some tough love, support, and the knowledge that they are important and worthwhile. They are not any different from the person you know with medical illnesses or any mental health illnesses. I challenge you to adopt a new perspective. You might just save a life!

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You Are Worthy!

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By Krissy Melhiser, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Have you ever taken some time to think about your self-worth? Do you tend to build yourself up or tear yourself down with your words or thoughts? Self-esteem is an invisible force that makes up who we are. It can affect many facets of our lives, and it is something that can be ever changing.

Self-esteem is an aspect of our lives that is constantly being influenced. So, let’s focus on what influences can change the way we view ourselves with tips to boost and maintain healthy self-esteem.

Our relationships with others have a powerful influence on our self-esteem, and it is through our relationships that we start to receive and believe messages about ourselves. Young people find it difficult to be themselves at times, because the people in their lives influence what is considered cool, weird, or accepted.

As kids mature, the pressure of comparing themselves to others and the influence of other people’s negative opinions can foster low self-esteem. When you believe that you are incapable, lacking ability, or just not good enough, you reinforce a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

So, what can we do to help ourselves and the young people in our lives develop healthy self-esteem?

  1. Accept yourself. Embrace the fact that you are uniquely made and what you have to offer is what this world needs.
  1. Avoid labeling yourself. Try not to use words or statements that are negative like, “I’m stupid” or “I’m not attractive.”
  1. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing your strengths will help you believe in your abilities. Knowing your weaknesses gives you the ability to strengthen them and accept your limitations.
  1. Set goals. Working towards your goals will help prove that you are capable, which boosts your self-esteem.
  1. Be objective. Don’t take responsibility for things that aren’t your fault or blame yourself for negative outcomes. It can also be easy to blame others for conflicts that may not be their fault. Know what is true in the situation, take responsibility when necessary, and work to move past it.
  1. Avoid comparisons. Don’t compare yourself to others, especially on social media. It’s also important to avoid comparing other people, like comparing your kids to one another. We are each made differently. You cannot fit a square peg into a round hole.
  1. Communicate. Communication can be a difficult task for many. Assertive communication is the key. Clear, concise, direct and non-confrontational communication will go a long way. It might be helpful to use an “I statement” like this:
    1. I feel ______when you _____ because________.
    2. What I need is _______.

I hope these tips are helpful in creating self-esteem that is more positive for yourself and your kids. Just remember to practice! Failure can happen, but I like to think of it as a minor setback. Find the areas that need improving, make adjustments, and try again.

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D-Patrick Boonville Ford Presents a Donation Check for $1,000 to Youth First

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Car Dealership’s Ongoing Campaign to Assist Worthy Local Organizations Continues

D-Patrick Boonville Ford will present a check for $1,000 to Youth First tomorrow, February 14, at 2 pm. The presentation occurs at the D-Patrick Boonville Ford dealership on Highway 62 near Walmart in Boonville. General Manager Peter O’Daniel and General Sales Manager Tony Toomey will be on hand to present the check to representatives from Youth First.

“This is a part of D-Patrick’s ongoing commitment to our community,” said O’Daniel. “D-Patrick is committed to making a positive impact and difference in our local community.”

Media organizations and outlets are welcome to attend the check presentation. News coverage is also welcome.

Youth First, Inc. is a 501(c)3 organization based in Evansville, Indiana, and serves Indiana youth and families. Youth First exists to transform and strengthen the lives of young people and their families. It is the only organization that provides Masters-level social workers in area schools and prevention programs for youth and families. On-site, free-of-charge behavioral health services and programs prevent substance abuse, improve family relationships, and develop life skills.

D-Patrick, Inc. currently employs 484 local people in a variety of positions and now carries nine vehicle lines (Audi, BMW, Ford, Honda, Lincoln, Mercedes Benz, Nissan, Porsche, and Volkswagen) with nine showrooms, six service departments, six parts departments, four body shops, and a corporate office. D-Patrick, Inc. employs the finest dealership staff, offers a superior service & sales experience while maintaining a tremendous selection of new and used vehicles and offering the best deals in the tri-state area.

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Is Social Media Causing Social Isolation?

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By Heidi Mikac, Youth First, Inc.

Many of us are guilty of overusing social media and ignoring its negative impact on our mental health. Before our eyes are even adjusted to the morning light, most of us squint at our bright rectangular screens to check social media sites or text messages to make sure we didn’t miss anything. As a Youth First Social Worker in a school building, I see the consequences of social media overuse and misuse every day in both my students and myself. 

When I was in middle school, I remember the dreaded dial-up modem. It would take a painful amount of time to get on the internet, and it would make that irritating sound that made my ears bleed. No sooner than I was able to get onto my computer game, my sister would make a phone call to her boyfriend and knock me off the internet.

Now, students can look up anything in a matter of seconds. Middle school aged kids crave validation and admiration from their peers. The way they seek that nowadays is through social media. When I went to school, I would seek it through writing and theater. I used to enjoy hanging out with my friends outside riding our bicycles (or those totally rad Razor scooters!).

When I ask most of my middle school clients what their plans are for the weekend, most of them tell me that they will be watching YouTube or scrolling through social media. Several studies have shown that the overuse of social media (especially in children) is contributing to self-esteem issues and depression.

Cyberbullying has contributed to these issues in a larger way than we can imagine. It is easy for kids and teens to digitally harass someone they don’t like at school from the safety of their bedrooms – or sometimes even the classroom.

There have been many occasions when I’ve had to deal with students who are taunting each other through social media sites or their school email during class. It seems some kids are hyper-focused on their social life, and it’s causing them to neglect their academic work. In my observation, this is contributing to a rise in serious school disciplinary actions, such as in-school suspensions, suspensions, and even expulsion.

So, is it worth allowing kids to have phones? I know there may be some gasps when I suggest that maybe unlimited access to phones and social media does more harm than good. Many parents are concerned that they won’t be able to directly contact their child without a cell phone, which is understandable. However, being a nineties kid, I can tell you that I survived not having constant contact with my parents via cell phone.

When I was a kid, being without a cell phone (or internet) forced me to go outside with my friends, exercise, and avoid drama. Although cell phones may now be a necessary part of our children’s’ lives, it’s important to find a balance between the connections children make in the digital world and those they make in the real world.

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Community Foundation of Morgan County Awards $10,000 to Youth First
Gift to Support Morgan County Students and Families

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February 1, 2023

The Community Foundation of Morgan County (CFMC) is investing in mental health support for K-12 youth. A $10,000 grant award was presented to Youth First, Inc., by CFMC on Thursday, January 19. The check presentation was held at Bell Intermediate Academy in Martinsville, with CFMC, Metropolitan School District of Martinsville, Mooresville Consolidated School Corporation, and Youth First staff represented. 

The grant will allow for mental health support through school social work services in selected Martinsville and Mooresville schools. Youth First partners with 110 schools across 12 Indiana counties to embed 83 skilled social workers in school buildings, where they become specialized mentors for students and prevention coaches for parents and teachers. They also coordinate with community partners such as the Boys and Girls Club of Morgan County and the Morgan County Substance Abuse Council, among others, to connect students and families to resources and services. Youth First Social Workers build caring relationships, foster readiness for positive change, and boost resiliency along with other valuable life skills.

Research shows these protective factors are the keys to preventing addiction, suicide, violence, and similar outcomes for young people. The organization’s positive outcomes are driving growth, with more schools seeking Youth First’s help to address the mental health needs of students and best equip them for success.

Brittani Bentley, President of the Community Foundation of Morgan County, says: “Youth First is the ideal grantee. They are continuously improving their programming based on the need of our Morgan County students. In a 2019 youth survey, students from four Morgan County school systems reported they need access to mental health professionals to develop the skills they need to cope with the real world. While the 2019 data is pre-pandemic, educators tell us that the need for this service has only increased. Youth First Social Workers are the heroes providing the services our youth tell us they desperately need.”

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About Youth First, Inc.:

Youth First’s mission is to strengthen youth and families through evidence-based programs that prevent substance abuse, promote healthy behaviors, and maximize student success. Youth First partners with 110 schools across 12 Indiana counties to provide 83 Master’s level social workers who assess needs, develop and implement prevention plans, and connect students and their families to vital resources. Youth First also offers community programs involving parents and caregivers to strengthen families. For more information about Youth First, please visit youthfirstinc.org.

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