Learning How to Fail

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By Jayme Waddell, LSW – April 12, 2022

As a parent, my goal is always to help my children succeed. However, I have realized that kids actually need help learning how to fail. When we fail, we have the opportunity to learn from our mistakes and eventually succeed. This isn’t necessarily a new idea but one that I now understand better as a parent.

Failure is inevitable. If kids don’t learn how to tolerate failure, it can leave them vulnerable to anxiety and stress, which often results in meltdowns, regardless of age. It may also lead kids to give up altogether. Acquiring the skills necessary to cope with failure is a crucial part of success.

“I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed.”  – Michael Jordan

Michael Jordan, one of the greatest athletes in the world, has spent decades speaking about failure. He has discussed the importance of perseverance and resilience, both on and off the court. His legendary accomplishments and hard work have turned him into one of the most impactful basketball players of all time. Was he born a champion? No. Did he have a raw talent for the game? No. He was relentless and never gave up. He accepted failure as part of his success.

As the pressure to win increases, we see more kids getting distraught over the smallest error. Therefore, it is increasingly more important for kids to learn how to tolerate imperfection. I would argue that learning how to cope with these mistakes may be even more important than whatever lesson or skill they were working on at the time the mistake was made. Learning how to fail is a necessary part of accomplishing any goal. It is an important life skill for kids to master to become more independent and thrive in the future.

Teaching kids how to fail is a process that starts with empathy. Saying, “it’s okay,” “nice try,” or “you’ll do better next time” can invalidate the child’s feelings, which could lead to more frustration and disappointment. Try changing the approach to be more empathetic: “I can see that you are upset. I know you wanted to do better.”

Modeling how to handle your own disappointment can also be impactful. Sharing your failures and explaining that failure is part of life can help normalize setbacks. Children are not always exposed to the reality that we, as adults, make mistakes and experience failures. It’s important to teach our children that it is okay when things don’t always go according to plan.

Make failure a teachable moment. When a child fails, there is a great opportunity for parents to teach critical thinking skills like problem-solving, self-regulation, and open mindedness. Try helping your child figure out what could be done next time for potential success. This is all about balance – we want to build distress tolerance skills by accepting that the situation “is what it is” while also recognizing what we learned or what we can do differently next time.

Watching your child fail can be difficult, but learning how to handle mistakes can only be done through exposure. When we hover or try to protect our children from every misstep, we rob them of the very experiences that require problem-solving. We take away the opportunity for them to experience resiliency and build the confidence necessary to take on new challenges.

Learning how to fail can be a painful experience, but success can only be achieved after we have learned the skills necessary to cope with any obstacles life throws in our path.

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Eat Delicious Pizza, Help Kids!

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Join us for a Youth First Give Back at Azzip Pizza on Tuesday, April 12. Use this coupon, and 20% of your purchases, including gift cards, comes back to Youth First to provide vital support to Indiana students and families.

If ordering online, use code GIVEBACK04. Azzip locations participating include Evansville East, North and West.

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How Much Sleep Do Kids Really Need?

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By Jenna Bieker, Youth First Social Work Intern – March 31, 2022 –

It can be overwhelming to think about all the tasks we try to accomplish in a single day. Twenty-four hours does not seem to stretch far enough to cover time spent in school, sports, and other extra-curricular activities. When planning out how to spend time, sleep often gets pushed to the back burner. Unfortunately for kids, not getting enough sleep can lead to serious consequences.

Children need more sleep than adults because they are still growing. A child that is between one and two years old needs 11-14 hours of sleep each night. For three to five-year-olds, the suggestion drops to 10-13 hours. Youth between the age of six and thirteen need at least 9 hours and up to 11 hours snoozing nightly. Teenagers need up to 9.5 hours of sleep.

Most students start their school day around 8:00 in the morning. If wake up time is approximately an hour and a half before that at 6:30 am, even high school students need to be heading to bed at 9:00 pm. Some readers will think this is an unrealistic bedtime, but research indicates that consistent lack of sleep has multiple negative impacts.

Not getting enough sleep can lead to irritability, forgetfulness, increased stress, and an inability to concentrate. Over a longer period, not getting adequate sleep can contribute to severe health concerns like depression, anxiety, inflated blood pressure, and inflammation. The good news is that there are many ways to ensure your child is getting proper sleep.

To make sure youth in your life are sleeping well for the necessary number of hours, it is important to develop habits conducive to restful sleep. One tip is to try to stick to a regular sleep schedule. Have your child go to bed and get up around the same time each day. This consistent sleep schedule will allow the body to get sleepy and wake up at the correct times. Additionally, for older children, limit daytime naps to twenty minutes or less to avoid nighttime sleep disruptions. Limiting electronic use before bed is also essential to sleeping well.

Putting away your devices at least 30 minutes before bedtime will prevent blue light given off by electronics from tricking your brain into thinking it is time to stay awake. For parents, having your kids charge and store their devices outside of their bedrooms can provide an effective way to reduce their temptation to use electronics when they should be sleeping. Kids should not engage in physical activity or drink caffeine right before bedtime. Lastly, if children are struggling to sleep, they should try getting up to read or listen to calming music until they feel ready to rest again. Moving to a different room as opposed to staying in your bed can help get them back to sleep faster.

By ensuring our youth get the appropriate amount of sleep using these guidelines and tips, we can raise happier, healthier kids!

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Setting Healthy Boundaries

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By Niki Walls, LSW – March 24, 2022 –

Boundaries are something many of us struggle with. We all need to set boundaries to function and have successful relationships. As parents and caregivers, it is just as important to give our children boundaries. It is a parent’s job to know what their child is doing, where they are, who they talk to, and to ensure they are safe.

As much as kids need boundaries, they also hate them. Kids will test and push grown-ups to get as much freedom as they possibly can. While it may seem annoying and burdensome that children are pushing back, this behavior is actually essential to their development. Parents also want their children to grow to be independent and mature, but they cannot do that without learning through trial and error.

Parents need to be mindful of the line between healthy boundaries and smothering or controlling their children. Allowing room for failure and accepting it with grace is a huge piece of building trust and respect in the boundary-setting process. Parents should not be so strict in their rules or so harsh in their punishments that kids are afraid to be truthful with them.

When children do break the rules or push the boundaries, it is important that adults are able to keep their own emotions in check. If parents or caregivers are reacting to the extreme, children will get better at hiding things from them in order to avoid the harsh reaction. One of the most crucial steps parents can take is to build trust with their children and emphasize that they are human beings who will mess up.

With a warm and loving relationship established, parents can begin setting rules concerning their child’s safety. Children will begin to see that the rules are there for the ultimate purpose of keeping them safe. Along with safety rules comes society’s rules. Children will have more respect for the rules they see others following.

While it is important to set clear rules, it is also important to talk to your teens about them. As adults, it is important to teach kids how to be self-advocates and voice their needs. If children feel their opinion matters, they will be more likely to buy into the rest of the rules.

For example, let’s say that your child has a curfew of 9pm every night. Your child might come to you occasionally and ask for an hour extension on their curfew to watch a movie premiere or the end of a game. If you can be flexible and negotiate with them, they will have more respect for you and will be less likely to sneak out later or blatantly miss curfew. Especially as your children grow older and earn your trust, it is important to ensure your rules and expectations are reflecting your trust and respect in them.

By establishing a loving relationship and age-appropriate expectations, parents can feel confident that their children will grow up to be respectable members of society. Starting children off with a firm and supportive foundation will allow them the opportunity to grow into the best versions of themselves.

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Gentle Parenting

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By Jordan Beach, LCSW – March 16, 2022 –

If you spend any time on social media, you have probably heard the term “gentle parenting.” The quick response to this concept is that it’s “soft” or that we’re not punishing our kids enough and creating a generation that doesn’t respect authority, etc.

A lot of times we hear the word gentle in terms of parenting and assume this means there are no consequences when children misbehave. I implore you to look deeper.  Just stick with me and we can navigate gentle parenting together.

First, the concept of gentle parenting is not new. In fact, a lot of you were probably raised this way, or you are raising your own children this way without knowing it had a name. At its core, gentle parenting is simply creating an environment of respect and empathy for your children to grow in. Gentle parenting is not allowing your child to misbehave with no consequences. It is trying to understand your child’s emotions and behaviors and help them work through them.

Children who grow up in calmer environments are better prepared to handle adverse emotions in adulthood. By meeting your child’s emotional needs with empathy instead of judgement, you are teaching them that their feelings are okay and they can trust you to help them navigate hardships.

This is crucial in helping your child develop healthy coping skills. A dysregulated child is not going to be able to take deep breaths on their own. They are going to need a calm adult to help them regulate, or co-regulate, with them.

If your child has a behavior that needs to be corrected, by all means, correct it! The gentle parenting method of correcting misbehavior would be to provide them with a redirection. Be specific and make sure your child knows what they can do instead.

Maybe you’re thinking, “My kid already knows what they can and can’t do, so if they do something wrong it’s because they choose to.” If this is the case, it is important to consider why your child is making an intentional choice to break an established boundary. Are they stressed out and don’t know how to tell you? Are they over- stimulated and don’t know how to regulate? The first question to them is, “What can I help you with?”

In a world where people insist that “kids should be kids,” sometimes we forget that our children’s brains are constantly developing. Children are not mini-adults. Even if we feel a child is overreacting, they’re not. They’re expressing themselves in the best way they know.

It is our job as the trusted adults in their lives to help kids navigate difficult feelings, learn and develop healthy coping skills, and provide them with boundaries and guidance. When we can do this with compassion starting at a young age, we are setting the groundwork for well-regulated teenagers and young adults.

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Youth First Highlights Heidi Mikac – Social Work Week 2022

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Heidi Mikac, LSW, Youth First Social Worker at Paul Hadley Middle School in Morgan County

Q:What called you to become a social worker? 

A: The reason why I became a social worker was to learn more about suicide prevention.  I’ve had three important people in my life take their own life.  I wanted to learn about the signs and symptoms of depression so I could help prevent suicide.    

What is the most rewarding part of your job? 

The most rewarding part of my job is when a parent or a teacher tells me that they’ve noticed a positive change in the student I’m helping.  

Which mental health tools/strategies do you think are the most impactful or effective for students? 

I would say coping skills and the Tween Series presentations have had the most impact on students at my school.  I’ve had a few kids tell me that they were worried about a friend who was considering suicide and I was able to make mental health referrals. Teaching kids what to do when they notice signs and symptoms of depression in their friends is so important.  I’m forever grateful for Tween Series.    

In what ways has the Covid-19 pandemic affected youth mental health? 

Unfortunately, Covid-19 increased students’ anxiety and suicidal behaviors.

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Youth First Highlights Vicki Kirkman – Social Work Week 2022

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Vicki Kirkman, LCSW, LCAC – Youth First Social Worker at Gibson Southern High School in Gibson County

Q: What is the most rewarding part of your job?

A: A few of the most rewarding parts of my job are getting to meet so many students and being part of their high school career. I really enjoy working with families and teachers to help students recognize and achieve their goals. I love being a part of their support circle and experience “aha” moments with them. It is exciting when former students reach out and share how they are doing years later!

Q: Which mental health tools/strategies do you think are the most impactful or effective for students?

A: I think some mental health strategies that are most impactful and effective for students include stress and time management skills, being able to identify supportive people in their life, and mood management skills.  I also encourage students to practice gratitude and set goals to work toward, which can create a sense of purpose and direction. 

Q: How has social work influenced the way you view younger generations?

A: Social work has influenced how I look at the younger generation in a positive way.  Every day, I am amazed at how resilient and determined the students I work with are.  They have a way of looking at the world and challenges with a fresh set of eyes and come up with such creative ways to tackle those issues!

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Youth First Highlights Nolan Miller – Social Work Week 2022

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Nolan Miller, LSW – Youth First Social Worker at Elberfeld Elementary School and Lynnville Elementary School in Vanderburgh County

Q: What called you to become a social worker?

A: I have a passion to be the voice for people who are not being heard. I understand that me being a white, Christian, man makes it where I do not face discrimination. I have seen through this profession, as well as through friends and family, that we are not all treated equally. Joining this field and becoming a social worker meant that I could be the person who helps advocate for people who face such harsh realities.

Q: What is the most rewarding part of your job?

A: The most rewarding part of my job is that I get to help someone be themselves and find their voice. We all have those walls that we put up in certain aspects of our lives. I find it rewarding when I can see those walls come down and the person feels safe enough to tell me how they truly feel about what is going on around them.

Q: What does mental health mean to you?

A: To me, mental health means that you feel comfortable in your own skin. Meaning that when you are struggling or facing hardship, it takes us out of the life we want to live. Anxiety, depression, grief, etc. are things many of us deal with on different levels. When we are facing those difficulties and not feeling like ourselves, reaching out for help can be so beneficial. I think being mentally healthy is understanding that we do not have to face challenges alone and can find the strength to reach out for help. Most of the people that meet with a therapist are just taking that first step, which shows how resilient they really are.

Q: How has social work influenced the way you view younger generations?

A: Always come at any situation with an open mind. The way I would react to something is not the way a younger or even older person would react. That is perfectly fine, we are all going through life with different lenses. My way is not always the right way and being able to understand that someone sees a situation differently can bring more people together.

Q: Which mental health tools/strategies do you think are the most impactful or effective for students?

A: My number one rule for many situations in life is to take a break from it. You’re never going to solve a problem if you are stressing out and stewing on the situation. Taking a mindfulness walk or doing a breathing exercise then coming back to the problem can help with solving it. Many difficulties that my students face are caused by racing thoughts or feeling the weight of passing a test or quiz on top of what they might be dealing with outside of school. Understanding that this is not forever and that they are more resilient than they give themselves credit for can be very effective.

Q: In what ways has the Covid-19 pandemic affected youth mental health?

A: I think the biggest impact is the uncertainty. They have not had a normal year in a while and with many of us facing hardship from grief to financial burdens our youth see the struggle. They struggle with how to deal with the anxiety of the new world we are living in. It also can be very confusing to them when things go back and forth so much. They don’t know if they should feel safe or unsafe regarding the pandemic. I think that is why as social workers, teachers, and parents, it’s important to show them we can be resilient through the struggle. It  gives them the reassurance that they can get through what they are going through.

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Youth First Highlights Laura Arrick – Social Work Week 2022

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Laura Arrick, LCSW – Youth First Social Worker at Evansville Day School and Signature School in Vanderburgh County

Q: What called you to become a social worker?

A: I always knew I had the essential skills (good listener, empathetic, people-person, adaptable, genuinely caring, etc.), but I didn’t really feel called to the profession until my internships in college. Seeing social work in action and how I could use those skills to help people grow and heal was when I knew this was what I was passionate about. I haven’t looked back since. 

Q: What is the most rewarding part of your job?

A: By far the most rewarding part of my job is the connections I am able to make with the students. Being in their buildings and alongside them as they navigate their journey is so awe-inspiring. We have time to cultivate these trusting and safe relationships with one another and those bonds really make this work meaningful.

Q: What does mental health mean to you?

A: For me, mental health centers around a person’s emotional and psychological well-being. It is incredibly complex and ever-evolving. I am often challenged by the fact that no one technique works for everyone and figuring out how to tailor effective tools/strategies to each individual constantly keeps me learning and growing as well.

Q: How has social work influenced the way you view younger generations?

A: My work with students has definitely challenged my viewpoints in a lot of ways. They are so much more complex and complicated than we sometimes give them credit for. It’s easy to dismiss them or think they can’t possibly understand or think clearly and rationally about situations. When in fact they have a lot to offer and are often so much more open and non-judgemental. 

Q: Which mental health tools/strategies do you think are the most impactful or effective for students?

A: I think it is important for young people to be able to understand and process their belief systems and automatic thoughts. Once they gain that awareness, they can then problem-solve and think about their behaviors in a different light.

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Youth First Highlights Leah Lottes – Social Work Week 2022

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Leah Lottes, LSW – Youth First Social Worker at Barr-Reeve Community Schools in Daviess County 

Q: What called you to become a social worker? 

A: Youth First was actually my reason for becoming a social worker! I was studying psychology in undergrad, and I had no idea what to do with a psych degree. I interned with Youth First my senior year, and I loved everything about the internship. That’s when I knew I wanted to be a social worker and work in a school. So I went on to get my Master’s in Social Work and somehow I lucked out and ended up working at Youth First at such an incredible school! 

Q: What is the most rewarding part of your job? 

A: The most rewarding part of my job is being able to meet with so many students. I love building connections with students and being able to see them overcome the challenges they face. 

Q: Which mental health tools/strategies do you think are the most impactful or effective for students? 

A: I think just ensuring students have a support system in place where they have at least one trusted adult for them to talk to makes a world of difference. It’s the greatest tool to help students feel heard, and they then have the opportunity to talk about how they’re feeling and know they are not alone in the struggles they are going through.  

Q: In what ways has the Covid-19 pandemic affected youth mental health? 

A: The pandemic has created increased anxiety with students of all ages. The loss of loved ones, fear of the unknown, and social distancing from family and friends definitely has taken a toll on students, but the pandemic has also shown how resilient kids are.

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