Posts

By Kelli Chambers, LCSW – August 18, 2021 –

When we talk to fellow parents about how hard our jobs can be, we often hear responses like, “Oh yeah, I’ve experienced that too. That’s just part of being a mom/dad.” Sometimes it feels as if your child’s needs are endless and seem impossible to manage. Of course our child’s happiness is what we as parents strive for, but sometimes we need more.

We often hear about how people feel burnt out in their jobs or even in their relationships, but rarely do we hear about feeling burnt out on parenting. It almost feels taboo because parents have been taught that being tired, stressed, and overwhelmed is just part of it.

Social media plays a big role with the expectation of being the “perfect” family who has it all together. These expectations are unrealistic and untrue. There will inevitably be times of stress, chaos, and unhappy emotions in every family.

So what does parental burnout look like? Burnt out parents are exhausted from the never-ending demands of parenting. They can feel as if they are on autopilot or in survival mode. Your sleep can be negatively affected – both the amount and quality. Going to work can serve as a relief. There, you might feel calm, focused, and successful, where you might not feel that at home.

Parental burnout can be broken down into three categories: exhaustion, detachment, and inefficacy. Just as it sounds, exhaustion is never getting to fully recharge. Detachment is being less able to take pleasure in day-to-day activities with your children. Lastly, inefficacy shows through when parents feel they are ineffective in their parenting.

We can’t give what we don’t have. It is our responsibility as parents to identify when we are struggling and to make a decision about what to do about it. Our kids ultimately feel the consequences of our lack of self-awareness or self-care.

One of the biggest effects on our kids is when we are not able to attune to them. We can’t be our most patient, loving, and nurturing selves if we are disconnected from our own needs.

Parents often struggle with taking time to do something for themselves when they could be doing something for their child instead. By taking care of ourselves, our kids are reaping a bigger benefit. They get a parent who is fully present and engaged. Here are a few ways to alleviate some of your burnout symptoms:

  1. Reach out to your doctor or therapist to discuss any concerns.
  2. Ask your partner to take something off of your plate or utilize daycare to give yourself time to rest or do something that makes you happy.
  3. Give yourself permission to say no to demands that will stretch you too thin.
  4. Communicate your needs to your partner/loved ones.
  5. Prioritize your sleep.
  6. Take care of your body through exercise, healthy eating, etc.

Another good way to do a self-check is to use Dr. Oscar Serrallach’s acronym SPAN. Identify what your true needs are and determine what you need to do to fulfill them.

S- Sleep

P- Purpose

A- Activity

N- Nutrition

Parenthood, at times, can be a difficult and thankless job, but it is a job many of us would not trade for anything. Being mindful of your needs allows for a better version of yourself, and your kids will directly benefit.

By Kelli Chambers, LSW – May 6, 2021 –

How do you make time specifically for your family when carving extra time out of your already busy schedule seems next to impossible?

Often times it might feel like there are just simply not enough hours in the day, but intentionally setting aside family time is so valuable and will strengthen your relationships as a whole.

One of the best ways to start setting time for your family to be together is to lay out your weekly plans. It may help to keep a family calendar and post it in a spot where everyone can see it. Make sure to include work, school, extracurricular activities, and other weekly tasks like cleaning, grocery shopping, and attending church.

Categorizing each calendar item into “negotiable” and “non-negotiable” helps to see what can be shifted or eliminated. Using a family calendar can help keep the whole family’s activities organized and can help keep everyone on the same page. Weekly family meetings can also help with communication and decision making.

It is important to remember each family has different things going on, and your time together as a family can look different than others. Sometimes only a small portion of time can be devoted, but schedules might change later to allow for more family time.

If only a limited amount time is available to be with the family as a whole, seize every opportunity and make the most of it. Some small changes in your family’s daily routine could include sitting together at the dinner table for at least one meal a day and also making sure all electronic devices are turned off or put away when the family is together. Big changes can take time, but remember to celebrate the small successes along the way.

Take charge and be a leader in making sure your family gets to spend quality time together. Once changes are made and expectations are set they will eventually become the norm.

Putting in the extra effort to make family time a priority will positively impact your relationships with one another as well as strengthen your communication. Time spent together is precious, because your kiddos are only young once.

By Kelli Chambers, LSW – August 21, 2018 –

Navigating the dating world can be intimidating and scary for both parents and teens. Many questions come to mind on how parents can best support their child and foster open communication.

How do we keep our teens safe? Understanding some of the “dos” and “don’ts” for parents will help make the dating process smoother and safer.

Here are some of the “DOs”:

  • Talk to your child about what a healthy relationship looks like. Your teen is more likely to make safer and smarter decisions when choosing a partner and maintaining a relationship when the expectations and definition of a healthy relationship are clear. Keep in mind, dating information for many teens comes from what is portrayed in the media, which is meant for entertainment purposes and may not be realistic.
  • Have a two-way conversation with your teen about dating. When teens feel they have a voice and are heard, they are more likely to abide by the guidelines everyone has agreed upon. Some good topics to discuss are curfew, group dating, private dating, meeting their date, and how to keep parents informed on their whereabouts and well-being.
  • Talk about safe sex. This includes the choice of remaining abstinent, using birth control, and understanding the dangers of sexually transmitted diseases. This is also a good time to speak with your teen about sexting. Establishing ground rules for using smart phones and social media is another way to keep your child safe and protected.
  • Discuss what to do when they are feeling unsafe. You and your child need to have a plan in place to help when they are feeling unsafe or uncomfortable. Have a texting code between you and your teen to help them get out of the situation they are in if needed. Your teen should never meet up with anyone they’ve only met online and have not physically met in person.
  • Keep a watchful eye out for danger signs in your dating teenager. It is important to recognize the signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship. Some key signs to look for are jealousy, possessiveness, anxiety, bruising, low self-esteem, and depression.

Here are some “DON’Ts”:

  • Don’t stop talking to your teen about their relationships after dating starts. Continue to be invested in your teen’s dating life. Not all relationships are the same and they will need to have continued support.
  • Don’t be overprotective or too “hands off.” Being too overprotective can be harmful to your relationship and your teen may no longer feel comfortable confiding in you. Being too “hands off” allows your teen to be less monitored and can lead to poor decision making. Try to find a healthy balance between the two.
  • Don’t be too afraid to “VETO.” Sometimes interfering and vetoing a toxic or dangerous relationship is necessary. Your teen may be upset with you at the time, but their safety and wellbeing is the utmost priority.

Dating should be a fun time in your teen’s life, but it is also a learning process. Like any life experience, your teen will make mistakes and hopefully learn from them. Your support and involvement in your teenager’s dating life will help your child make smarter and safer decisions.

By Kelli Chambers, MSW, Courier & Press, June 27, 2017 –

The teenage years can be some of the best, and hardest, years in a person’s life.  During this stage of life, teenagers are often faced with difficult situations and struggle to make healthy and safe choices.

It can be challenging (and even scary) for parents to protect their teen from potentially harmful situations.  There are some basic guidelines to follow, however, to assist your child in the decision-making process.

As your child gets older, parenting becomes less about control and more about offering guidance.  According to parenting guidelines on the Palo Alto Medical Foundation’s website (pamf.org), the more controlling parents are, the more rebellious teens tend to become.

Providing a solid foundation of trust and love allows for an open dialogue of sharing experiences and values while spending time together.  It is important to remember it is normal for teens to challenge their parents’ values, beliefs, and practices.  This is an exploratory time for teenagers to develop their own autonomy.

Here are some quick tips to help parents convey their support while allowing the teen to make their own decisions:

  • Allow your teen to describe the problem or situation in their own words.
  • Talk with your teen about choices.
  • Help your teen identify and compare the possible consequences of all of the available choices.
  • Allow your teen to make decisions and carry them out.
  • Later, ask your teen how things worked out.

Helping build your teen’s self-esteem and self-respect can positively influence their decision-making process. Parents can help by:

  • Allowing the teen to voice their personal opinions
  • Involving the teen in decisions that may affect the entire family
  • Listening to his or her opinions and feelings
  • Helping the teen set realistic goals
  • Showing faith in his or her ability to reach those goals
  • Giving the teen unconditional love and demonstrating it
  • Being supportive, even when he or she makes mistakes
  • Being open and understanding whenever your teen needs to talk to someone

Teens need reinforcement from important adults in their lives.  This applies to the good decisions being made, too.  It helps teens feel they are on the right path.

It is easy to focus on bad decisions being made, but both good and bad decisions need to be discussed.  The best prevention tool is to start early with an open and honest dialogue.

“It is not what you do for your children, but what you have taught them to do for themselves, that will make them successful human beings.” – Ann Landers