Tag Archive for: siblings

Siblings Can Teach Each Other Empathy

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By Haley Ballard, MSW, LSW – July 11, 2024 –

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It is an important skill for children to develop, because it helps them understand and connect with others from all walks of life. Ensuring that your children learn about empathy will allow them to deepen their relationships with friends and other loved ones.

One of my closest relationships is with my little sister. I have spent more quality time with my sister than I have with anyone else, because we grew up so close and we still spend time with each other any chance we get. She knows how to make me laugh so hard, but she also knows how to push my buttons. Any emotion you can think of – excitement, pride, loss – I have felt with my sister. We have learned a lot about empathy by going through our major life experiences together.

When my sister was graduating from high school and had been accepted into college I felt so proud of her. I saw the struggle and the effort she put into her homework every night as I tried my best to help her understand math and writing prompts. I saw the pride in her face as she walked across the stage in her cap and gown at her high school graduation to receive her diploma. We also shared excitement as she opened up her college acceptance letter and received academic scholarships. In those moments, I could really empathize with her because it reminded me of how I felt when I graduated and was accepted into college.

When our family dog of twelve years died, my sister was there for me and I was there for her. I felt no one else understood what I was feeling better than she did, because we felt the hurt and loss together. We sat, cried, and talked about all the wonderful and silly memories we had of our dog running around in the snow, stealing our blankets, and the time she ate a whole pie while we were gone. Grieving the loss of our dog helped us connect and mutually feel love and loss.

My sister and I have helped each other go through the “ups and downs” of life. Because she has been there with me through it all, I have learned to connect more with her through the emotions we share. She has helped me learn to connect with others by being able to fully understand and share the feelings others go through.

Take the time to talk about and give names to feelings with your children to help them learn about empathy. Use real-life situations happening with siblings as a way to talk about and process their feelings. Be sure to point out when they are (or are not) showing empathy towards their siblings and help them practice it through their interactions with each other. This will help them develop their relationships as siblings and with other people in their lives.

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Preparing Older Children for the Birth of a Sibling

By Jordan Beach, MSW, Courier & Press, April 25, 2017 –

Having a new baby is a very exciting time. There is so much to be happy about.

Since there is usually a lot to be done before baby arrives, preparing for the newest member of the family can be very consuming.

When you have your first child it is possible to allow the new family member to take up all of your time and energy.  But when there are already children in the home, it’s important to get older siblings ready for the arrival of their new baby brother or sister.

Unfortunately, children are not usually as excited about a new baby as the rest of the family.  They understand at an early age they are going to have to share things they’ve never shared before.

One of the biggest changes they are going to face is sharing the attention of their parents.  There are plenty of things that you, as parents, can do to help make the arrival of the new baby exciting for everyone and help older children mentally and emotionally prepare for the changes occurring in their family.

During the pregnancy, it is important to discuss the new baby with older siblings.  Talk about when the new baby will arrive.  Depending on their age, you could tell them the month the baby is due or talk about the season the baby is going to be born. Help your child understand the amount of time it will take before baby comes.

Other activities that will encourage your child’s relationship with their future brother or sister include reading books about siblings, visiting friends who have infants, including them in prenatal appointments and encouraging them to help you think of baby names.  Many hospitals also provide sibling birth classes to help the older child prepare for the new arrival.

Most of the changes in your family will occur after the baby arrives.  It is great to talk to your child about the arrival of the new baby, but there is no way to really prepare them for the amount of time a new baby takes.

If possible, maintain a normal routine with your older child.  If your son or daughter attends a childcare center or school, continue sending them as normal.  This will help maintain their routine and also make your transition back to work easier when the time comes.

After baby arrives, set aside some special time each day for the older sibling to spend with mom and dad.  This might be bath time or reading a book right before bedtime.  It doesn’t really matter how you spend the time; it is just really important to give them at least 10 minutes of your undivided attention every day.

This would be a great time to talk to children about how they like being an older sibling to get a better understanding of how they are adjusting.  It is also important for them to receive this individualized time with both parents.

Another way to help your older child adjust is to allow them to help with the new baby.  They can help by getting diapers or other things you need for the baby, playing with the baby (appropriately), singing songs and telling stories.

There is no doubt your family is about to change with a new baby on the way, but by taking some of these simple steps you can make the transition as seamless as possible for your older children.

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Believe It or Not, Birth Order Does Matter

By Diane Braun, Courier & Press, January 24, 2017 –

My husband and I have three children who are now all adults: two sons born 2 ½ years apart and a daughter born three years later.

As our children were growing up, I noticed our sons were very different even though they have the same parents and grew up in the same house.

It was fascinating to me that our oldest son was always the thinker — looking at every situation from all angles before making a decision or answering a question.  My mother said he was “born old,” demonstrating more patience and maturity than others his age.

My second son has always been impulsive and never hesitated to try a new sport or activity.  He was described by his older brother as the true example of the Nike logo “Just Do It.”  A gifted athlete, he could step into any sport and do well. We had our share of trips to the emergency room, however, when his impulses outweighed caution.

According to Meri Wallace, author of Birth Order Blues, “Some of it has to do with the way the parent relates to the child in his spot, and some of it actually happens because of the spot itself.  Each spot has unique challenges,” she explains.

Simply by virtue of being a couple’s first child, a firstborn will naturally be a sort of experiment for the new parents.  Going “by the book,” new parents will be extremely attentive to the firstborn, strict with rules and overly cautious about the little things.  This in turn may cause the child to become a perfectionist, always striving to please the parents.

Firstborns tend to be reliable, conscientious, structured, cautious, controlling and achievers.  Firstborns are diligent and want to be the best at everything they do.

In contrast, if the couple has a second child, they might raise the second born with less stringency due to their experiences with the firstborn.  They might also be less attentive to the second since there’s another child competing for attention, and they probably will be less inclined to call the doctor’s office for every little scratch and bruise.

In our family, my youngest son was also the middle child.  Middle children tend to be people-pleasers and peacemakers, thriving on friendships and having a large social circle.  Their daring nature is often a ploy for getting attention and can be described as rebelliousness.

Even more important than birth order is creating an environment that is positive, safe, healthy and stimulating.  Though peers, siblings, genes and circumstances all play into how a child’s temperament develops, Wallace states that “parents still are the major influencing factors because, truthfully, the first year of life is the bonding with the primary caretaker that impacts upon self-confidence, trust and the ability to interact with another person.”

Birth order, along with other factors, does play a role in the traits of each child. Focus on each child’s personality and adapt your expectations to their individuality to produce confident, productive people.

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