Tag Archive for: Youth First Social Worker

Why It’s Important for Your Child to be Bored

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By Natasha Goodge, MSW, LSW – February 1, 2024

“I’m bored,” 5-year old Julian often says.  

As a mother, social worker, and let’s face it, a people pleaser, my initial reaction to this and other complaints is to try to fix them. I offer suggestions, provide distractions, or simply hand over my smart phone.  

For some children and adults, boredom can feel uncomfortable and result in feeling anxious. Boredom is disengagement, and disengagement from your environment feels vulnerable and dysregulating. Chronic boredom can even lead to depression and anxiety.  

Chronic boredom, however, is very different from the initial, superficial level of boredom experienced when standing in line or waiting for the next episode of our new favorite show. These days, this initial dip into monotony is easily avoided by checking our email or with a quick scroll through our favorite social media pages. This avoidance of boredom, however, may mean a loss of opportunity for connection, innovation, and creativity. 

Boredom can make children feel restless and frustrated, but it can also lead to the discovery of new interests and meaningful activities. When children engage in play that is undirected and unmanufactured, the creative part of their brain is stimulated. They can develop creative skills that stay with them for life.

For example, a child may start playing keys on the piano and then picking out a tune, which may spark an interest in taking piano lessons. They may observe grandma working on a knitted hat and ask to learn to knit. Younger children may search the house for sheets and blankets to build a fort to play in.  

Being bored can be especially good for children by helping them develop planning strategies, problem-solving skills, flexibility, and creativity. It also helps kids build tolerance for the inevitable, not-so-fun experiences, such as long car rides and adult dinner conversations. Being bored together offers opportunities for your child to observe their surroundings more closely, practice mindfulness, self-reflect, or to develop and practice interpersonal communication skills and share about themselves. Once, in an especially long line for pizza, my son explained in detail his complicated feelings about his classmates.  

“You can’t teach creativity,” writes psychologist Peter Gray, “All you can do is let it blossom.”  Now when my son tells me he is bored, I say, “That’s great honey!”

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Navigating Peer Relationships in High School

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By Krista Kirk, MSW, LSW – January 24, 2024

Navigating friendships in high school can be a daunting task for many teens. As we grow older, our brains become more complex, and with that, our friendships become more complex as well. It is no longer as simple as relying on our parents to help us make friends through playdates with the children of their friends.

High school students must learn how to navigate peer relationships on their own, which can be a challenging process. However, with the right guidance and support, it is possible to build strong and healthy friendships that can last a lifetime.

It is vital to remember friendships do not form at the snap of a finger. They take time to develop and mature. School is a prime place to make friends; however, this is not easy for every student. Remind your teen that if they notice someone without a friend or friend group, they could encourage that student to join them at lunch or get involved in a club, sport, hobby, or outside organization they are interested in.

Parents also want to watch for signs of unhealthy friendships; here are some red flags:

● Your child isolates from other friends, peers, or family

● The friend shames them for spending time with others

● Your child has a significant age gap with their friend(s)

● The friend strives to “one-up” them after they share good/bad news

● The friend blames them for their own problems or disciplinary actions

● The friend encourages them to keep secrets from everyone but the friend

● You notice shifts in behavior or engaging in behavior that is more reckless

● Feeling drained or not feeling like themselves after spending time with friends


If you or your child see some of these red flags in a friendship, it is important for them to let the friend know how they feel. Encourage them to use “I” statements such as, “I don’t like when you get mad when I want to spend time with my family.” Another tip is to stick with the facts. Stating facts comes off as less aggressive and can help if the friend becomes defensive.

It is also important for your child to establish boundaries in a friendship and hold firm to the boundaries. If the friend continues to cross their boundaries, they will need to consider establishing stronger boundaries.

You can also advise your child to take a break from unhealthy friendships to help them process how to communicate more effectively and establish healthy boundaries.

Additionally, here are some tips to help your teen build positive friendships:

● Model healthy friendships yourself

● Have a discussion with your teen on what qualities they look for in a friend

● Highlight good qualities you see in their friends

● Help them realize quality friendships are better than quantity

● Be supportive and lend a listening ear

● Be realistic about friendships having ups and downs

When reflecting on friendships at the high school level, it is important to remember that our friendships play a part in how others view us and how we are remembered. It is important to seek characteristics and values in a friend that reflect our own.

For example, if they would like others to remember them as a welcoming person, they should surround themselves with peers who will let others join their circle and make them feel welcome. Encourage them to remember who they are and who they want to be. We all have control over who we choose as friends. As humans grow and change, so do friendships.

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Self-Control vs. Redirection

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By Aaron Ledford, MSW, LSW – January 10, 2024

Emotions, defined as human reactions we experience in response to events or situations, are a mysterious thing and an abstract concept. Without living our emotions out, they are not “real” concrete things. You can’t draw happiness, but you can draw a picture of something that makes you happy. You can’t draw sadness, but you can draw a situation that makes you sad.

Unless we allow ourselves to live out the specific emotion, they do not and cannot exist. As adults, we can understand this concept to a certain degree, but a child may have a difficult time absorbing this.

We are often given the message that controlling our emotions is about pushing them aside, treating them as if they don’t exist, and “getting over it” so the task at hand can be accomplished. While this is one way of coping, it may not be the best method for everyone, especially a child who is struggling with overwhelming sadness or anxiety. A better method of coping is redirecting our perceived negative emotions into something positive and powerful.

There is a proverb that reads, “If you cannot control yourself, you are like a city without walls, easily conquered.” Self-control is an important thing for anyone to learn and develop. Without learning this concept, we would just give into our intrusive thoughts and suffer the consequences of those actions.

I would like to define self-control as a catch and release of our negative emotions. What I mean by this is understanding what we are feeling, evaluating whether this emotion is valid in the situation, accepting that it is okay and normal to feel this way, and then releasing the hold that emotion might have on us.

We all go through life experiencing negative thoughts and emotions. As adults, we have become so used to the idea that it has become a normal everyday occurrence and we can process our emotions easier. For young people this is a new and foreign thing to experience, especially in a school setting. Helping students identify, evaluate, accept, and release negative emotions can be paramount in the development of a new and emotionally intelligent generation.

Redirection is another possible method of handling one’s emotions. Redirection is taking the negative emotions and thoughts and turning them into something productive and flourishing. For instance, if you are dealing with a lot of stress from a job and coping with unhealthy habits or lifestyle choices, redirection would be going to the gym to release those emotions.

Redirection allows the individual to make better choices when it comes to their emotional state and self-care. Learning how to properly take care of one’s needs after a stressful day is essential for a healthy lifestyle and developing smart coping skills in the future. This method also allows young people to pursue positive passions in their lives. Many people play sports or play an instrument and develop their creative arts talents to help redirect their negative emotions into positive activities. This method also helps by releasing emotions in small doses instead of bottling them up to be expelled later.

As with everything, there are also downsides to this method. One of the downsides includes not fully processing the emotions one is feeling. Just piling on different activities to cope with the negativity may result in covering up an underlying issue and never addressing the concern. This method would make it easier to ignore the root issue causing the negative emotions or thoughts, so this should be carefully and thoughtfully considered.

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Why Family Traditions are Important

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By Lisa Cossey, MSW, LCSW

We’re in the midst of the holiday season. It is nice to look forward to time with family and friends and participate in ongoing family traditions.

A family tradition is something that is recreated year after year, enhancing family involvement and strengthening family bonds.

Each year at Halloween, my husband’s family will get together and spend an evening visiting haunted houses. It’s perhaps not a typical family tradition, but it’s one they’ve done for years and everyone looks forward to. A less frightful Halloween tradition observed by several of my friends and their families is camping Halloween weekend. My own family has planned fall camping trips two years in a row now; perhaps this will turn into a yearly tradition for us.

Another tradition in my own family that I look forward to every year is gathering in my mother’s kitchen to bake pies and other desserts for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. It’s always a good time with much laughter, and now that my own children are older they are officially part of the family baking team as well.

Sharing traditions provides a sense of comfort and security to a family, especially the children involved. Children love routine and consistency; a family tradition provides this year after year. It also helps the children manage the changes in the year and gives them something to look forward to.

In addition, family traditions enhance family and personal well- being and add to the family identity. Strong family bonds are created and reinforced with traditions that are upheld and maintained. As children grow and mature, traditions can be altered to accommodate each family’s needs. For example, perhaps a family with young children has a tradition of singing Christmas carols around their Christmas tree. As the children age, their tradition could evolve into caroling around their neighborhood.

In recent years, my own family has added time to video call with our relatives after Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. These are family members who may not have been able to travel in for the holidays or are stationed out of state or overseas due to military commitments. It gives us all a chance to stay connected as a family, even if we can’t physically be together for the holiday.

Family traditions don’t have to be formal, fancy or cost money. They don’t even have to revolve around the holidays. You can share in a family tradition any day or time of the year. My own family enjoys baking together to prepare for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays; perhaps your family opts to take a walk every Christmas morning or enjoys exchanging white elephant gifts during your celebrations. Traditions are what you want to make them.

Other ideas to create family traditions include:

  • Read a book, such as “The Night Before Christmas,” aloud prior to opening Christmas gifts
  • Weekly or monthly family movie night
  • Have a yearly family talent show
  • Create crafts together
  • Make candy or prepare meals together
  • Have an annual family camping trip
  • Have your own family sporting tournament with a traveling trophy to be awarded to the winning family each year

No matter what your family tradition is or what your family chooses to create, just having something for all family members to look forward to each year is important. Traditions help create warm, positive memories that can be recalled fondly and draw family members back to one another year after year.

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Helping Your Child Cope with Loss This Holiday Season

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By Sarah Roth, MSW, LSW

Although the holidays bring much joy and excitement, they are also a very difficult time for families who have experienced loss. Children are no exception. Feelings of grief may increase or present differently as the holiday season approaches.

So, what can we do to help grieving children?

  1. Understand that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some may find comfort in talking, reminiscing, and doing things to honor the loss they have experienced. For others, these things may not bring comfort at all. Additionally, grief has no distinct timeline or roadmap. Family members may be at different stages of the grieving process. Remember that each family member’s journey is their own.
  2. Be honest with your children about your emotional experiences. As parents, we often feel we must shield our children from seeing our emotions so we do not further damage or worry them. While we do need to use discretion about what and how we share with our kids, it is also important that we are honest with them. This is especially important in times of loss. Our children are learning from our behavior. Hiding our feelings from our kids can lead to them feeling isolated and confused, as it may send a message that how they are feeling is abnormal. Demonstrating that it is okay to have feelings surrounding the loss is important and vital to everyone’s healing.
  3. Check in with your kid about their feelings. In addition to communicating with your child about your feelings, it is also important that you check in with your child about their feelings surrounding the loss. This helps you learn how to help them cope with the many emotions that may surface. It is important to relay the message to your children that even though they may be seeing each family member grieve in different ways, you’re all in this together. Encourage them to come to you if they have questions or feelings they do not know how to manage.
  4. Allow this year to be different while still providing consistency. There is an inherent change that occurs when loss happens. This is especially true during the holidays. Have an open discussion that traditions may look different than they did prior to the loss. Acknowledge that this is okay. It may provide comfort to all involved as opposed to moving through the holiday season as though nothing has happened. You can say things such as, “This holiday might look different because we don’t have ___ spending it here with us anymore. Is there a new tradition you would like to start or a way we could remember __ as we celebrate this year?” You could also ask, “Is there a tradition that we did with ___ that you would like to make sure we continue to do each year?” Providing a good balance of flexibility while not completely stripping the season of its routine is crucial. Working together to find what works for your family is an important way to ensure you are all providing each other with needed support.
  5. Know when to reach out to a mental health professional. If your child is struggling intensely during this time, it may be time to reach out for professional help. If you notice drastic changes in your child, seeking professional help may be the next step. Inability to complete daily tasks for a prolonged period, participating in risky/dangerous behaviors, or disconnecting emotionally are a few signs that seeking help may be beneficial. For some families this may only last a short period, but for others more long-term treatment may be necessary. Checking with your child’s school to see if there are mental health professionals in the building is a good place to start. The child’s family physician may also be able to connect your family with other resources to provide additional support.
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Reframing Negative Self-Talk

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By Leah Lottes, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Many thoughts fill our brains each day. Some of those thoughts can be positive and some can be negative. This applies to children as well as adults. If children are experiencing more negative thoughts than positive thoughts, it can really affect their self-worth and overall well-being.

Expressing gratitude, identifying the negative thoughts, and reframing the negative thoughts into positive thoughts are just a few ways to help manage that negative self-talk.

Expressing gratitude is a great way to retrain our brains to focus on the positives rather than the negatives. When meeting with students who are struggling with negative self-talk, I often recommend that they start a gratitude journal and encourage them to write down things they are thankful for every day. This practice can help you to get into the habit of focusing on the good in your life.

Helping students identify their negative thoughts is another step toward helping them eliminate those thoughts. Some don’t recognize how frequently they are thinking and expressing these thoughts. If you hear students being self-critical, you can gently point it out to them and help them navigate why they may be feeling that way. Encourage them to be kind to themselves and to give themselves some grace.

Teach your kids to reframe their negative thoughts into positive thoughts. One activity I often like to do with students is a handout where we discuss different types of negative thoughts. We then identify the negative thoughts they are currently experiencing and reframe those into positive thoughts.

We usually start with a generic negative thought that many kids have said expressed before such as, “We have nothing to eat at home.” Then we take that thought and turn it into a positive thought and say, “We have plenty of food. It just might not be something I like.” Then we start discussing deeper negative thoughts such as, “I am dumb.” We can turn that into a positive thought by saying, “I might sometimes make mistakes, but I am not dumb.”

Another example of a negative thought a student might express is, “I’m not good enough. I always get bad grades.” Then we change the negative into a positive by saying, “That’s not true. Tests do not measure my self-worth.” When students practice turning their negative thoughts into positive thoughts they begin to form the habit, a skill they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.

It is normal for kids to be hard on themselves from time to time. Hearing students talk negatively about themselves can be difficult, but there are tools and strategies to help turn those negative thoughts around. If your child is persistently experiencing negative self-talk and you feel as though it is causing a shift in their mood or behavior, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. Being kind to others is always important, but being kind to ourselves is just as important.

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Do Children Experience Stress?

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By Jordyn Bryant, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Having stress or anxiety as a child can be hard. Children often hear, “You are too young to have stress” or other statements that dismiss their feelings.

Recognizing that children can have negative emotions regarding what seems “small” or “trivial” to adults can help validate the child’s feelings so they can begin to cope. By using coping mechanisms, kids are able to regulate their emotions and feelings more quickly.

One healthy coping mechanism is mindfulness. According to the website understood.org, practicing mindfulness can ease feelings of stress and anxiety. Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the moment, which helps children and adults identify how they are feeling right then and how they can adjust to a more neutral thought or feeling. Often when we are thinking of something, we tend to think of how it played out in the past or how it can play out in the future. When we stay in the moment, we can focus on what can help now instead of what hurt us in the past or what might go wrong in the future.

A big part of mindfulness is focusing on your breathing. When your thoughts begin to go elsewhere, you can focus on how your breathing feels to bring you back into the present. When children learn this, they are better able to practice self-control and strengthen their resiliency. According to the website mindful.org, studies show that the benefits of mindfulness for children are:

  1. Increased focus
  2. Improved academic performance
  3. Decreased levels of stress

Improving on these things can improve a child’s confidence, emotional regulation, and overall mental health and well-being.

As adults, the more we practice mindfulness ourselves, the more we can help our children learn. It is important to recognize the feelings in our children and ourselves. Recognizing that having feelings is okay – even the ones that do not feel so good – is a way to have a healthy emotional balance. Being mentally and emotionally healthy can create positive changes in life, including our physical health, creating stronger families, and having positive social skills. You can practice being mindful in everyday life even when you do not have time for 20-30 minutes of breathing and yoga. Some examples are:

  • Practicing gratitude
  • Checking in with your body
  • Utilizing your five senses
  • Focusing on your breathing
  • Practicing active listening.

Practicing mindfulness and helping children practice mindfulness sets us up for success in different aspects of life. You will be amazed to recognize the changes that come with being in the “here and now” versus thinking about the unknowns and the “should haves.”

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Focus on Your Circle of Control

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By Ashley Underwood, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Many of us are all too familiar with stress and anxiety, along with all the baggage it brings. Have you ever sat down and thought about how much of what you are worrying about is within your control? Are you stressing over things that you cannot change? Think of it like this – can we control the weather? No. But can we control how we react to the weather? Yes.

This concept is known as the circle of control. It was introduced by Stephen R. Covey in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. The purpose of this concept is to help people focus on the things in life they have control over, rather than being stuck trying to change things they can’t control. It is a visual representation that is useful for both adults and children as a guide to cope with difficult situations. I have used this with the students I meet with as well as with school staff.

There are three rings that make up this concept and visual representation. The outermost ring is called the circle of concern, the middle ring is called the circle of influence, and the innermost ring is called the circle of control.

Circle of Concern – This circle contains the things that you cannot control like the weather, other people, violence, etc. When focusing on the circle of concern, people can feel overwhelmed and stressed because they are worrying about what they have no power over.

Circle of Influence – Within this circle are things that you have some influence over like relationships, friendships, or how other people feel about you. Focusing on our power to influence can be beneficial for certain relationships, but keep in mind that there is still no way to control others in the situation.

Circle of Control – This circle is where your thoughts, reactions, and boundaries fall. You can control these things. Focus on the items within your circle of control to reap the biggest benefit for your mental health.

Get out of the habit of focusing on the circle of concern by practicing mindfulness. Be aware of your worries and work to identify which circle they fall into. Practicing mindfulness skills through meditation or guided breathing exercises can help with help bring your awareness back to the area that you can control.

As time goes on, you will notice that your circle of concern will get less attention from you while your circle of control gets more of your focus and energy. Using this technique is a great way to prioritize what’s important without getting caught up in details beyond our control.

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Talking to Your Child about Loss

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By Jenna Kruse-Pauli, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

As parents and caregivers, our first instinct is always to protect our children. Unfortunately, one thing that we can never protect them from is loss. We can, however, support them and have positive discussions with them to help them cope with grief.

November is Children’s Grief Awareness Month, which highlights the importance of supporting bereaved children through difficult times. Grief looks different for every person at every age, but there is no right or wrong way to grieve. 

After experiencing a loss, a child can experience very difficult emotions that can change drastically and quickly. No matter what those feelings are, they are all part of the grieving process. It is normal for children to experience anger, sadness, guilt, or anxiety. Very young children may even experience a regression and begin baby talk or bed wetting once again.

While you cannot take the hurt away, providing a safe place for children to express their feelings is a healthy way of encouraging positive coping. Reading books about loss, allowing students to draw pictures, or sharing pictures and memories is another way to work through the difficult emotions they are experiencing. You may also incorporate discussion around lost family members in prayer if that is a part of your family values.

In addition, sticking to routines will naturally help regulate your child’s emotions, allowing them to take comfort in familiar tasks or traditions. This will help children recognize that while some things have changed, many things will still be the same.

When talking to your student about death, be developmentally appropriate. Listen and provide answers to their questions instead of offering up too much information. Be clear and honest in your answers. If you cannot answer everything, just being available to listen and provide support will be the best thing you can offer your child. Be direct with your child when discussing death. Using verbiage like “they went to sleep” can make your child fearful of bedtime. 

Deciding whether your child should attend the funeral is a big decision. Funerals can provide closure but can also be very difficult for children. If your child is old enough, allow them to decide if they want to attend the funeral. Never force your child to attend a funeral if they do not feel comfortable. If your child does want to attend, prepare them for what they will see. 

Often parents are so worried about supporting their child, that they do not process the grief they are experiencing. Modeling healthy coping skills and communication is a great way for children to understand that it is acceptable to have these difficult feelings and learn appropriate ways to handle them. If you ignore your own grief, your child will do the same.

Remember that the best support you can give your child at this time is a listening ear. If your child is having difficulty coping in a healthy way, reach out to your school’s Youth First Social Worker, who can provide more resources to help you at home as well as support your student at school.

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Why Sending Your Student to School Matters

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By Brooklyn Wells, MSW, Youth First, Inc.

The importance of regular school attendance cannot be overstated. Each school day is an opportunity for growth, and consistent attendance ensures your child does not fall behind. When students skip school, they miss valuable opportunities to acquire knowledge, develop essential skills, and build a strong foundation for their future.

One of the primary reasons regular school attendance is crucial is that it allows students to keep up with their lessons. When students miss school, they risk falling behind in their studies, making it more challenging to catch up later. Consistent attendance also helps students establish good learning habits and discipline. By coming to school every day, students develop routines that promote responsibility and time management. These skills are not only essential for academic success, but also for success in life beyond school.

Attending school allows students to engage in social interactions and build relationships with their peers. These relationships provide opportunities to develop empathy and learn cooperation. Students gain social skills such as teamwork, conflict resolution, and effective communication by interacting with their classmates. Missing school means missing out on these valuable experiences, which can hinder social and emotional development.

Let’s face it, getting your kiddo to school can be challenging at times. Establishing a routine, setting a bedtime, and organizing backpacks and homework the night before can help better prepare your child for school the following day. Make mornings pleasant and stress-free by maintaining a calm and positive atmosphere and avoiding morning arguments and tension.

Show enthusiasm for your child’s education by demonstrating interest in their schoolwork and extracurricular activities. Discuss what they learned at school and engage in their learning process. Encourage your child to take responsibility for their attendance by setting alarms, checking schedules, and communicating with teachers or school staff when they have concerns. Lastly, show your child the importance of commitment and responsibility by modeling good attendance habits in your own life.

In the long term, regular school attendance is closely linked to future opportunities and success. Completing a high school education is often a prerequisite for pursuing higher education or securing well-paying jobs.

Remember that consistent school attendance is a collaborative effort between parents, guardians, schools, and the community. By working together and implementing these tips, you can help ensure that your child gets the most out of their education and sets a strong foundation for their future success.

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