Tag Archive for: Youth First Social Worker

Parenting Your Teen Through Heartbreak

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By Deena Bodine, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Parenting presents many rewards and challenges. Watching our children grow into teenagers who are working to manage demands, grow more independent, and build interpersonal relationships is one of those rewarding experiences. 

During the adolescent years, our teens are likely to experience milestones, including an interest in more romantic relationships as well as developing a deeper capacity for sharing in relationships that are more intimate. We, as parents, can be caught off guard when our child experiences heartbreak.  

As adults, we may look back fondly on memories of our first love, or we may cringe while remembering what we thought was love. Our children’s experiences can often evoke responses from us rooted in our own personal experiences. At times, it can be challenging to know how to best support and encourage our children. Heartbreak is no exception. 

First, our initial response in this situation should be to listen to our child. Listening allows our child to explore and process their thoughts and feelings without interference. This can be a challenge for us because we have spent so much of their lives offering suggestions and advice. 

Second, we should validate their feelings. Heartbreak is an example of grief and loss, and with that may come feelings of sadness, anger, and guilt—not unlike those emotions experienced with the death of a loved one. Validation involves tuning into your child, acknowledging their feelings without ignoring, dismissing, or judging.  

Following a breakup, it can be common to distance yourself from others. While it can be beneficial for your teen to take time for themselves, it is also important for teens to stay connected. Discuss finding a balance between taking time for themselves and connecting with others. 

Keeping busy with activities your teen enjoys can do wonders for the healing process. While it may be a challenge for your teen to avoid their ex, especially if they attend the same school or have the same circle of friends, encourage your teen to set healthy boundaries. This includes online too. Encourage your teen to practice healthy social media habits and limit posting or commenting online regarding their relationship. They may choose to limit messaging or online interactions with their ex as well. 

Lastly, assist your teen in maintaining their routine as much as possible. Check on their health habits, including sleep and staying active. Encourage your teen to talk with family and friends who can support them. Help your teen recognize the positives of a breakup, which include learning more about themselves as well as what they want (or don’t want) in future relationships. 

If your teen is struggling to move on following a breakup, or if feeling unsafe in any way, it is important to advocate for help on their behalf. Encourage your teen to talk to someone they trust. If these feelings are affecting daily life, stopping them from doing things they enjoy, or have lasted longer than a couple of weeks, it may be beneficial for your teen to talk with their physician or a counselor. 

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The Power of Positive Reinforcement

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By Brittney Cameron, MSW, Youth First, Inc.

One of the most difficult parts of parenting is managing your child’s behavior. Behavior management is crucial because we want to raise kids who know how to act and behave appropriately, both at home and in social settings.

So how do you manage your child’s behavior? Do you find yourself constantly yelling at your child to call out their misbehavior? Are you often losing your temper and feel like you are already overwhelmed? If you want to see a change in your child’s behavior, you may want to reconsider your approach. This is where positive reinforcement comes in. 

Positive reinforcement is a parenting technique that is used to encourage obedience and teach desired behavior without the use of punishment, threat, abuse, shame, or humiliation. The long-term benefits of positive reinforcement establish a positive impact on the child’s long-term behavior.

Negative reinforcement can instill anxiety and fear that may result in long-term negative impacts on a child’s self worth. Some of the important benefits of positive reinforcement make your child feel loved, develop your child’s self-esteem, and boost your confidence as a parent!

Here are some examples of positive reinforcement that you can practice with your child.

  1. Encourage your child to clean up by offering praise right when it happens. As you see them start to pick up their toys, offer verbal praise for them starting the effort by saying something like, “I like how hard you are working to put your toys away.”
  2. If mealtimes are a battle, reinforce your child taking a bite of food even if they do not eat the entire thing. Try to stray away from bribing your child with dessert.
  3. Instead of nagging your child 20 times to brush their teeth, reinforce the steps leading up to the teeth brushing. If you explain that it is time for your child to brush their teeth and they start moving toward the bathroom, you can verbally praise them for starting the process.
  4. When you see your child independently starting their homework, you can use verbal positive reinforcement to encourage them to continue. Focus on the process of doing the homework itself rather than on how your child does on the homework.
  5. Similarly to how you approach homework, when your child does well on a test you want to praise the effort. This reinforces the idea that hard work is to be celebrated.
  6. Sometimes kids can be timid about trying something new. To encourage them, praise your child’s effort. Rather than saying, “You played so well!” you can say, “I know how scary it can be to do something new. I like how you tried this even though you were scared.”

Positive reinforcement may take some practice, but once you start using the technique of praising the process rather than the outcome, it can be hugely beneficial to your children and will strengthen your relationship.

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Celebrating the History and Impact of Social Work

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By Jacee Baker, MSW, Youth First, Inc.

Every year in March, we are thankful for the opportunity to celebrate our Youth First Social Workers and the remarkable work they do. This year we are celebrating 83 incredible school social workers who provide programs and services to students across 13 Indiana counties. These amazing individuals change the lives of thousands of kids each year.

The Social Work Field has come a long way since it was founded by Jane Addams in the late 19th century. What started as a grass roots, humanitarian effort has transformed into a network of thousands of widespread organizations that help provide individuals and communities with tools and resources to build healthier lives.

Jane Addams and her colleagues created a network that provided vital services to thousands of people each week. They established a system of kindergarten and day care for working mothers, as well as provided job training, English language tutoring, cooking lessons, and acculturation classes for immigrants. They also established a job-placement bureau, community center, gymnasium, and art gallery. Hull House, the social settlement establishment formed by Addams in Chicago, also provided services to individuals with immediate needs such as food, shelter, information, and referrals for other services.

At its core, social work is very much rooted in helping and protecting vulnerable populations. You can find social workers working as outpatient therapists, in homeless shelters, in hospitals, nursing homes, and of course, in schools.

At Youth First, our mission is to strengthen youth and families by providing evidence-based programs that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. We do this by placing licensed social workers in schools to provide no-cost mental health services to students. These services include individual counseling sessions, group sessions, classroom presentations, as well as family programs such as Family Connections and Family First.

Because of the ever-changing demands being placed on young people, Youth First Social Workers see students for a variety of reasons. They are well-equipped to help students develop coping skills to manage the stressors of life and find academic success and happiness at school.

Social workers all over the world provide life-changing services to people every single day. I personally feel so lucky to be part of an organization where I work closely with so many wonderful people who choose to spread their knowledge and light with us and our community daily.

Thank you to all of the social workers providing services that help people live happy, fulfilling lives. I’d like to say a special thank you to the Youth First Social Workers who go out every day and change the lives of children and families in Indiana communities.

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Talking to Your Children About Safety

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By Kacie Shipman, MSW, LSW, Youth First, Inc.

Parenting is no easy task. It’s safe to say that most parents have felt concern over the well-being of their child. Talking to your children about important topics can be uncomfortable for a lot of parents. Often times, the feelings of being uncomfortable come from a lack of knowledge about the “right” thing to say.

As a Youth First Social Worker, I am often asked by parents what the right thing to tell their child about various topics would be. All children have different personalities, even in the same family. It is important to be sensitive to their personality differences, but always tell them facts and be truthful about safety in an age-appropriate way.

Children often ask questions at unexpected times about things they have heard or seen. It can be surprising if your child hasn’t asked about similar topics in the past or the question seems to be inappropriate for their developmental age. It is vital to answer as honestly as possible. If feeling caught off guard, it is okay to let them know you appreciate their question and would like some time to think about the best way to answer.

Talking to your children about their safety can start at a very young age in the early toddler years. Ensuring they know their parents’ first and last names is a great place to start. Toddlers can also practice the importance of staying by your side until it is safe to let go.

Using fear as a tactic to make children follow safety rules can often lead to feelings of anxiety or cause high emotions that lead to additional emotional challenges. This can create a sense of fear in children that the world is an unsafe place for them.

Children are not only hearing the words of their caregivers but sensing their emotions as well. Talking to children when the environment is calm and regulated is much more effective than in the heat of the moment when parents may be experiencing anxiety themselves related to an unwanted situation.

As children begin elementary school, they should be able to start working on memorizing their phone number. Another good practice is teaching children to identify safe adults should they be separated. If they become lost in a store, they should look for someone behind a cash register or someone wearing a uniform. If they are unable to find a store employee, they could look for another parent that has other children with them as well.

As children begin to mature and gain more independence, be sure to continue conversations about using good judgment and safety precautions. Allowing children independence with supervision supports their need for growth while still ensuring safety while their impulse control and time management skills are still developing.

Ensuring your children know there are emergency plans for all situations to help keep everyone safe can reduce anxiety. The unknown is difficult but knowing that your family understands how to be safe can alleviate fear.

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REACH Out to Someone with Addiction

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By Teresa Mercer, MSW, LCSW, LCAC, Youth First, Inc.

Millions of people in the United States are affected by substance misuse. In the last few years, death rates from opiate and fentanyl overdoses have been increasing among young people, which is alarming and disturbing.

The simple definition of addiction is this: “Continuing to seek and use substances despite adverse consequences.” Addiction is a disease of the brain because it changes how the brain functions in the areas of reward, stress, and impulse control. Heart disease, diabetes, cancer, and a variety of other diseases all affect organs and other areas in the body. Much like other major diseases affect organs in the body, addiction affects the brain, the most complex organ in the body.

Families will keep addiction a secret due to the shame connected with it. I can’t think of any person/family that I have known personally that has dealt with a traumatic  disease that wants to keep it hidden. But many people who struggle with addiction will suffer in silence due to stigma.

As a mental health professional, it’s been interesting over the years to watch how people react when they find out someone they know has a family member with cancer compared to a family member addicted to opiates. I have the fortunate experience of proudly working with people who have addictions. In fact, I changed my language a few years ago and started saying I work with people who have addictions instead of saying I work with “addicts.”

People with addictions have names, families, jobs, dreams, hopes, and goals for the future just like everyone else. They also seem to have the best sense of humor, which the world seems to lack of late. They never intended to become addicted, but when you understand how addiction hijacks the brain, it’s easier to understand their actions. 

So how does addiction begin? Some people start using alcohol or marijuana as a teen, which starts out fun and then they can’t stop. Some people quickly move to other harmful substances. The other group of substance users often use to escape physical pain or emotional pain. They find something that makes them feel good or makes them function. Is that not what most of us do?

But I have witnessed the awesome transformation of people in recovery, and I can tell you that addiction takes over the thinking of the person. When they stop, the “old” person returns. Sobriety and recovery work! 

You can make a difference by educating yourself about addiction. Attend a local 12-step meeting and reach out if you know someone that is on his or her recovery journey.

REACH:

R- Show respect.

E- Have some empathy.

A- Gain more awareness.

C- Have compassion.

H-Offer help and hope.

Everyone needs compassion, some tough love, support, and the knowledge that they are important and worthwhile. They are not any different from the person you know with medical illnesses or any mental health illnesses. I challenge you to adopt a new perspective. You might just save a life!

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You Are Worthy!

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By Krissy Melhiser, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Have you ever taken some time to think about your self-worth? Do you tend to build yourself up or tear yourself down with your words or thoughts? Self-esteem is an invisible force that makes up who we are. It can affect many facets of our lives, and it is something that can be ever changing.

Self-esteem is an aspect of our lives that is constantly being influenced. So, let’s focus on what influences can change the way we view ourselves with tips to boost and maintain healthy self-esteem.

Our relationships with others have a powerful influence on our self-esteem, and it is through our relationships that we start to receive and believe messages about ourselves. Young people find it difficult to be themselves at times, because the people in their lives influence what is considered cool, weird, or accepted.

As kids mature, the pressure of comparing themselves to others and the influence of other people’s negative opinions can foster low self-esteem. When you believe that you are incapable, lacking ability, or just not good enough, you reinforce a “self-fulfilling prophecy.”

So, what can we do to help ourselves and the young people in our lives develop healthy self-esteem?

  1. Accept yourself. Embrace the fact that you are uniquely made and what you have to offer is what this world needs.
  1. Avoid labeling yourself. Try not to use words or statements that are negative like, “I’m stupid” or “I’m not attractive.”
  1. Know your strengths and weaknesses. Knowing your strengths will help you believe in your abilities. Knowing your weaknesses gives you the ability to strengthen them and accept your limitations.
  1. Set goals. Working towards your goals will help prove that you are capable, which boosts your self-esteem.
  1. Be objective. Don’t take responsibility for things that aren’t your fault or blame yourself for negative outcomes. It can also be easy to blame others for conflicts that may not be their fault. Know what is true in the situation, take responsibility when necessary, and work to move past it.
  1. Avoid comparisons. Don’t compare yourself to others, especially on social media. It’s also important to avoid comparing other people, like comparing your kids to one another. We are each made differently. You cannot fit a square peg into a round hole.
  1. Communicate. Communication can be a difficult task for many. Assertive communication is the key. Clear, concise, direct and non-confrontational communication will go a long way. It might be helpful to use an “I statement” like this:
    1. I feel ______when you _____ because________.
    2. What I need is _______.

I hope these tips are helpful in creating self-esteem that is more positive for yourself and your kids. Just remember to practice! Failure can happen, but I like to think of it as a minor setback. Find the areas that need improving, make adjustments, and try again.

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Is Social Media Causing Social Isolation?

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By Heidi Mikac, Youth First, Inc.

Many of us are guilty of overusing social media and ignoring its negative impact on our mental health. Before our eyes are even adjusted to the morning light, most of us squint at our bright rectangular screens to check social media sites or text messages to make sure we didn’t miss anything. As a Youth First Social Worker in a school building, I see the consequences of social media overuse and misuse every day in both my students and myself. 

When I was in middle school, I remember the dreaded dial-up modem. It would take a painful amount of time to get on the internet, and it would make that irritating sound that made my ears bleed. No sooner than I was able to get onto my computer game, my sister would make a phone call to her boyfriend and knock me off the internet.

Now, students can look up anything in a matter of seconds. Middle school aged kids crave validation and admiration from their peers. The way they seek that nowadays is through social media. When I went to school, I would seek it through writing and theater. I used to enjoy hanging out with my friends outside riding our bicycles (or those totally rad Razor scooters!).

When I ask most of my middle school clients what their plans are for the weekend, most of them tell me that they will be watching YouTube or scrolling through social media. Several studies have shown that the overuse of social media (especially in children) is contributing to self-esteem issues and depression.

Cyberbullying has contributed to these issues in a larger way than we can imagine. It is easy for kids and teens to digitally harass someone they don’t like at school from the safety of their bedrooms – or sometimes even the classroom.

There have been many occasions when I’ve had to deal with students who are taunting each other through social media sites or their school email during class. It seems some kids are hyper-focused on their social life, and it’s causing them to neglect their academic work. In my observation, this is contributing to a rise in serious school disciplinary actions, such as in-school suspensions, suspensions, and even expulsion.

So, is it worth allowing kids to have phones? I know there may be some gasps when I suggest that maybe unlimited access to phones and social media does more harm than good. Many parents are concerned that they won’t be able to directly contact their child without a cell phone, which is understandable. However, being a nineties kid, I can tell you that I survived not having constant contact with my parents via cell phone.

When I was a kid, being without a cell phone (or internet) forced me to go outside with my friends, exercise, and avoid drama. Although cell phones may now be a necessary part of our children’s’ lives, it’s important to find a balance between the connections children make in the digital world and those they make in the real world.

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Is Your Child Feeling Anxious?

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By Christine Weinzapfel-Hayden, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

Children are creatures of habit. They thrive in calm, consistent, predictable environments. When there is change for them, or even when they have the anticipation of change, it can create anxiety.

As much as we would love to put our kids in a protective bubble, it is impossible to create a life for our children that is free of any fears or anxiety. Rather, what we should aim to do is help give them the tools, the strength, and the confidence to navigate new, anxiety-provoking situations with confidence and bravery.

Sometimes it can be hard to tell what anxiety looks like, especially with older children who more naturally start to pull away from their families. Some symptoms include new feelings of overstimulation (or becoming more easily overstimulated), becoming “hyper focused” on things they are worried about, feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks, or expressing fear of participating in activities or leaving home.

They could also have physical symptoms, such as stomach aches, headaches, bowel issues, or consistently feeling sick. As a parent, it can feel incredibly overwhelming when your child is struggling in these ways. However, it is important to know there are many tools we can put in your toolbox to help guide them through their more difficult moments.

  1. Be a model of self-regulation. This means when we see that our child is feeling anxious, we want to help them learn how to self-regulate and express how they’re feeling in a healthy way. It is important to remember that our children need to be calm before they can talk to us about what they are feeling.

There are several great strategies for helping a child self-regulate when they are feeling “big feelings.” First, I would recommend deep breathing with long, slow breaths. Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, release for four seconds. The second technique is 5-4-3-2-1 grounding, which helps children find five things they can see, four things they can hear, three things they can feel, two things they can smell and one thing they can taste.

  1. Help them with visualizations. Visualization entails using the mind to picture a place that makes them feel safe and calm. They can use this very powerful tool at any time.
  1. Ask them to choose an activity you know they enjoy. This could include creating something artistic, being physically active, listening to or playing music, etc. By joining them in the activity while they are upset, you are re-enforcing the activity as a coping mechanism.

Anxiety is a big feeling. It can be overwhelming for the child as well as the parent. Together you can use healthy coping skills and communication to help your child work through their anxiety.

If you feel things are not getting better, professional help is always a positive choice for your child. Teaching our kids that it is okay to ask for help when they need it is also important. The Youth First Social Worker in your child’s school is always available to help as well.

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Cell Phones: What are the Dangers for Your Child?

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By Dawn Tedrow, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

When I was younger, my parents knew who my friends were. They knew their parents, when I would be at their house, and what time I would be returning. If I decided to walk to a different friend’s house, I was required to either call my parents first or return home and get permission. Planning was an essential skill we were taught early in life. 

Now that cell phones have replaced our landlines, it is much easier to keep tabs on our children. We feel safer knowing they can contact us immediately. Parents feel safer knowing their child has a cell phone and can even track their location on most phones.  However, do you really know whom your kids are communicating with on their cell phone? Your child has access to much more than you realize, and strangers have access to your child through their phones.

If your child has a cell phone, it is important to monitor it on a regular basis. Who is your child talking to on the phone? They will always say it is a “friend,” because they truly feel like this person is someone they can trust. Unfortunately, kids are quick to trust people they don’t really know and pass along personal information that could put them in danger. If you don’t know this person or their parents, then your child should not be talking to them.

What apps have they downloaded? Many social media apps are popular among teenagers. Younger children hear about apps and want to explore them, but this opens the door to many dangerous situations. If your child wants to be on social media, talk with them about an appropriate age they will be allowed to create accounts.

Games can seem harmless as well, but hackers can use them to get information from your child’s phone or attempt to talk to with them. Educate yourself about social media apps and check your child’s phone regularly to ensure they have not downloaded anything that could put them at risk. 

Cyberbullying is also a risk. Children need to learn appropriate social skills and healthy relationships with their friends. These interactions can be easily monitored in person but become difficult when they occur on cell phones. It is too easy for a child to send a message or text that hasn’t been well thought out. These messages quickly spread to other children and escalate. Encourage your child to socialize with their friends face to face and save phone interactions for important calls or emergency situations.

It’s also important to model appropriate cell phone use. Our children will imitate what they see adults doing. If you want to see your child engaging with people face to face, then allow them to see you doing this as well.

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Understanding Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)

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By Ashley Underwood, MSW, LCSW, Youth First, Inc.

How does one describe a traumatic event? Traumatic is defined as “emotionally disturbing or distressing,” which can vary from person to person, so that question has many answers.

“Adverse Childhood Experience” is a term that refers to various forms of trauma individuals may experience in childhood. This includes experiencing violence, abuse or neglect, witnessing violence in the home or community, having a family member attempt or die by suicide, growing up in a household with substance use problems or mental health problems, or instability due to parental separation or incarcerated family members.

According to the CDC, about 61% of adults surveyed across 25 states reported they had experienced at least one type of ACE before age 18, and nearly 1 in 6 reported they had experienced four or more types of ACEs.

There is a direct link between ACEs and physical health. Unfortunately, for each adverse child experience, there is an increased risk of chronic health issues. Center for Youth Wellness shares that those individuals experiencing 4 or more ACEs are associated with significantly increased risk for 7 out of 10 leading adult causes of death, including heart disease, stroke, cancer, COPD, diabetes, Alzheimer’s, and suicide.

There is also significant detriment that can occur to a child’s brain when experiencing that amount of stress. Experiencing ACEs can impact attention span, memory, stress response, immune system, emotion regulation, decision making skills, and overall learning. We see many of these issues in the school setting on a daily basis, and sadly, it is related to the amount of trauma our children have experienced.

What can we do to help? Prevention is key. The CDC recommends the following six strategies for helping to prevent ACEs:

  • Strengthen economic support for families. This includes churches, community organizations, and non-profits helping with financial distress as well as employers providing adequate pay, time off, and benefits for employees.
  • Promote social norms that protect against violence and adversity. Work to create safe spaces for children and adults to talk about mental health challenges and reinforce the motto, “See something, say something” for children in regards to acts of violence, bullying, abuse, etc.
  • Ensure a strong start for children. This can include funding early education programs for families with affordable options, as well as increasing in-home learning options for parents.
  • Teach skills. Allow programs in schools that promote and teach emotional regulation, conflict resolution, social skills, and boundaries.
  • Connect youth to caring adults and activities. “Every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.” -Josh Shipp

Get kids involved in mentoring programs like Big Brothers Big Sisters, encourage teachers to put them in leadership roles at school, have them join after school activities like choir, intramurals, or scouting.

  • Intervene to lessen immediate and long-term harms. Educate the public on ACEs, the risk factors, and the support available including treatment options, resource assistance, and organizations that promote these things.

Let’s do our part! For more information about the ACEs, check out https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/index.html

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