The Power of Small Therapeutic Moments

, ,

By Hannah Gill, MSW, LSW – February 7, 2024

These days it seems like a surprising number of children and teens are under significant stress, and this is likely true for many others in our communities. Research shows that the COVID-19 pandemic heightened anxiety and depression for many kids, and we are now seeing the effects. It can feel overwhelming to consider the impact these events, although out of our control, have had or will have on our children. It can be even more overwhelming to think about healing and moving on from these stressors.

When we think about recovery from intense stress, our brains will go right to traditional one-on-one outpatient therapy. While this is undoubtedly an essential part of healing for some children and teens, it is also important to consider how small therapeutic moments in a child’s day can immensely impact their life.

Clinician and researcher Bruce Perry has studied trauma in young children and developed an understanding of how it affects them and how communities can help them overcome trauma and adversity. While many situations that Bruce Perry researches and discusses are extreme, one important takeaway is the power of therapeutic moments and interactions.

These interactions may be with parents, teachers, administrators, counselors, and social workers in our schools and communities. In his book The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog, Perry explains that a therapeutic moment can significantly influence a child’s life. He writes, “It merely requires being present in social settings and being, well, basically, kind… The more we can provide each other these moments of simple, human connection – even a brief nod or a moment of eye contact – the more we’ll be able to heal those who have suffered traumatic experience.” 

This gives me hope when I think about our communities and the children in our schools. It illustrates that any moment can be therapeutic if we are attentive and engaged with a child and their actions. This might mean interacting with a child getting ready for school in the morning, after they get home, or in the hallway as students go from class to class.

It may seem like a challenge to help a child recover from stressors or move on from a situation that felt hard for them. Yet this view of recovery and therapeutic moments gives adults the space and permission to engage authentically with the children and teens in their lives. It shows the power that nurturing adults can genuinely have.

This lens gives us, as the adults in a child’s life, permission to show up authentically and gives us evidence that if we do so consistently, that alone may be enough to help a child overcome stress and heal from traumatic events they might have experienced. The Youth First Social Worker or Youth First Mental Health Professional in your child’s school building can help parents and teachers consider ways in which they can bolster and provide therapeutic moments and create moments for co-regulation in a day.

/by

Why It’s Important for Your Child to be Bored

, ,

By Natasha Goodge, MSW, LSW – February 1, 2024

“I’m bored,” 5-year old Julian often says.  

As a mother, social worker, and let’s face it, a people pleaser, my initial reaction to this and other complaints is to try to fix them. I offer suggestions, provide distractions, or simply hand over my smart phone.  

For some children and adults, boredom can feel uncomfortable and result in feeling anxious. Boredom is disengagement, and disengagement from your environment feels vulnerable and dysregulating. Chronic boredom can even lead to depression and anxiety.  

Chronic boredom, however, is very different from the initial, superficial level of boredom experienced when standing in line or waiting for the next episode of our new favorite show. These days, this initial dip into monotony is easily avoided by checking our email or with a quick scroll through our favorite social media pages. This avoidance of boredom, however, may mean a loss of opportunity for connection, innovation, and creativity. 

Boredom can make children feel restless and frustrated, but it can also lead to the discovery of new interests and meaningful activities. When children engage in play that is undirected and unmanufactured, the creative part of their brain is stimulated. They can develop creative skills that stay with them for life.

For example, a child may start playing keys on the piano and then picking out a tune, which may spark an interest in taking piano lessons. They may observe grandma working on a knitted hat and ask to learn to knit. Younger children may search the house for sheets and blankets to build a fort to play in.  

Being bored can be especially good for children by helping them develop planning strategies, problem-solving skills, flexibility, and creativity. It also helps kids build tolerance for the inevitable, not-so-fun experiences, such as long car rides and adult dinner conversations. Being bored together offers opportunities for your child to observe their surroundings more closely, practice mindfulness, self-reflect, or to develop and practice interpersonal communication skills and share about themselves. Once, in an especially long line for pizza, my son explained in detail his complicated feelings about his classmates.  

“You can’t teach creativity,” writes psychologist Peter Gray, “All you can do is let it blossom.”  Now when my son tells me he is bored, I say, “That’s great honey!”

/by

Navigating Peer Relationships in High School

, ,

By Krista Kirk, MSW, LSW – January 24, 2024

Navigating friendships in high school can be a daunting task for many teens. As we grow older, our brains become more complex, and with that, our friendships become more complex as well. It is no longer as simple as relying on our parents to help us make friends through playdates with the children of their friends.

High school students must learn how to navigate peer relationships on their own, which can be a challenging process. However, with the right guidance and support, it is possible to build strong and healthy friendships that can last a lifetime.

It is vital to remember friendships do not form at the snap of a finger. They take time to develop and mature. School is a prime place to make friends; however, this is not easy for every student. Remind your teen that if they notice someone without a friend or friend group, they could encourage that student to join them at lunch or get involved in a club, sport, hobby, or outside organization they are interested in.

Parents also want to watch for signs of unhealthy friendships; here are some red flags:

● Your child isolates from other friends, peers, or family

● The friend shames them for spending time with others

● Your child has a significant age gap with their friend(s)

● The friend strives to “one-up” them after they share good/bad news

● The friend blames them for their own problems or disciplinary actions

● The friend encourages them to keep secrets from everyone but the friend

● You notice shifts in behavior or engaging in behavior that is more reckless

● Feeling drained or not feeling like themselves after spending time with friends


If you or your child see some of these red flags in a friendship, it is important for them to let the friend know how they feel. Encourage them to use “I” statements such as, “I don’t like when you get mad when I want to spend time with my family.” Another tip is to stick with the facts. Stating facts comes off as less aggressive and can help if the friend becomes defensive.

It is also important for your child to establish boundaries in a friendship and hold firm to the boundaries. If the friend continues to cross their boundaries, they will need to consider establishing stronger boundaries.

You can also advise your child to take a break from unhealthy friendships to help them process how to communicate more effectively and establish healthy boundaries.

Additionally, here are some tips to help your teen build positive friendships:

● Model healthy friendships yourself

● Have a discussion with your teen on what qualities they look for in a friend

● Highlight good qualities you see in their friends

● Help them realize quality friendships are better than quantity

● Be supportive and lend a listening ear

● Be realistic about friendships having ups and downs

When reflecting on friendships at the high school level, it is important to remember that our friendships play a part in how others view us and how we are remembered. It is important to seek characteristics and values in a friend that reflect our own.

For example, if they would like others to remember them as a welcoming person, they should surround themselves with peers who will let others join their circle and make them feel welcome. Encourage them to remember who they are and who they want to be. We all have control over who we choose as friends. As humans grow and change, so do friendships.

/by
Read more
/by

Protecting Your Child’s Mental Health

, ,

By Kandace Troxell, Intern – January 17, 2024

When you have a baby, your world changes. Your entire focus on life shifts from yourself to keeping your newborn safe and happy. You are constantly holding them, cradling their head, and watching their every move to ensure their safety.

As they grow into a toddler, you put safety locks and guards throughout the house to ensure that they do not bump their head or seriously injure themself. When they become a young child, you insist they wear a helmet when riding a bike and you keep a diligent eye on them in and around swimming pools.

As they reach the teenage years, you make sure they wear their seat belts when they drive in their first car. As parents, protecting your child’s physical health is completely natural…but have you considered how you are protecting your child’s mental health?

Children’s bodies develop and change as they grow, and their brains are developing and changing as well. According to Melissa Ford, senior strategist and writer for the Center for Parent and Teen Communication, a child’s brain is growing and changing even as they move into the teenage and young adult years. In the same way that you protected their bodies, it is important to protect their minds.

One way of doing so, according to Ford, is to create a nurturing environment for the child to grow and develop. If a teenager is experiencing a stressful environment, they may not have the ability to process their emotions in a productive and healthy way because they are overwhelmed by the stress of the environment.

How can you create a low stress environment at home? Start with creating a solid foundation by making sure a child’s basic needs are met, including providing three meals a day, making sure they practice good hygiene, and ensuring that they get adequate sleep. Additionally, it is important to create an environment that does not focus on pressure, shame, or guilt, but instead, focuses on understanding, openness, and empathy.

Another way to protect your child’s brain is by helping them understand the importance of doing so. The Center for Parent and Teen Communication explains that one essential way to educate your child about their brain is to teach them about the harmful effects of drugs and alcohol on their brain and body. Young people may perceive drugs and alcohol as fun, recreational activities to enjoy with friends; however, there are serious consequences for their developing brains.

Additionally, you can teach children WHY it is important to protect and care for their mental health. Together as a family, you can practice self-care activities that lessen stress. These self-care practices could include eating a healthy diet, exercising, doing yoga, taking long walks, journaling, talking to others, and more.

We all want what is best for our children. The bottom line is that it is just as important as a parent to protect your child’s developing brain and their mental health as it is to protect their bodies from harm.

/by

Self-Control vs. Redirection

, ,

By Aaron Ledford, MSW, LSW – January 10, 2024

Emotions, defined as human reactions we experience in response to events or situations, are a mysterious thing and an abstract concept. Without living our emotions out, they are not “real” concrete things. You can’t draw happiness, but you can draw a picture of something that makes you happy. You can’t draw sadness, but you can draw a situation that makes you sad.

Unless we allow ourselves to live out the specific emotion, they do not and cannot exist. As adults, we can understand this concept to a certain degree, but a child may have a difficult time absorbing this.

We are often given the message that controlling our emotions is about pushing them aside, treating them as if they don’t exist, and “getting over it” so the task at hand can be accomplished. While this is one way of coping, it may not be the best method for everyone, especially a child who is struggling with overwhelming sadness or anxiety. A better method of coping is redirecting our perceived negative emotions into something positive and powerful.

There is a proverb that reads, “If you cannot control yourself, you are like a city without walls, easily conquered.” Self-control is an important thing for anyone to learn and develop. Without learning this concept, we would just give into our intrusive thoughts and suffer the consequences of those actions.

I would like to define self-control as a catch and release of our negative emotions. What I mean by this is understanding what we are feeling, evaluating whether this emotion is valid in the situation, accepting that it is okay and normal to feel this way, and then releasing the hold that emotion might have on us.

We all go through life experiencing negative thoughts and emotions. As adults, we have become so used to the idea that it has become a normal everyday occurrence and we can process our emotions easier. For young people this is a new and foreign thing to experience, especially in a school setting. Helping students identify, evaluate, accept, and release negative emotions can be paramount in the development of a new and emotionally intelligent generation.

Redirection is another possible method of handling one’s emotions. Redirection is taking the negative emotions and thoughts and turning them into something productive and flourishing. For instance, if you are dealing with a lot of stress from a job and coping with unhealthy habits or lifestyle choices, redirection would be going to the gym to release those emotions.

Redirection allows the individual to make better choices when it comes to their emotional state and self-care. Learning how to properly take care of one’s needs after a stressful day is essential for a healthy lifestyle and developing smart coping skills in the future. This method also allows young people to pursue positive passions in their lives. Many people play sports or play an instrument and develop their creative arts talents to help redirect their negative emotions into positive activities. This method also helps by releasing emotions in small doses instead of bottling them up to be expelled later.

As with everything, there are also downsides to this method. One of the downsides includes not fully processing the emotions one is feeling. Just piling on different activities to cope with the negativity may result in covering up an underlying issue and never addressing the concern. This method would make it easier to ignore the root issue causing the negative emotions or thoughts, so this should be carefully and thoughtfully considered.

/by

The Importance of Travel and Adventure for Mental Well-Being

, ,

By Shannon Loehrlein, MSW, LCSW

I love to travel. My parents instilled a love of travel in me from a young age. My mother was a history teacher, and we would spend some vacations visiting historic sites (not my favorite as a middle school student). Other times we would visit Disney World or take a cruise. I know many children do not have this opportunity, and I have always considered myself fortunate.

This summer I had the experience of a lifetime taking my kids to Europe, Alaska, and Disney World. My busy summer made me think about the importance of travel for children.  

My kids are currently 9 and 4 and have both traveled since they were only a few months old. When they were very little, I would hear comments from other people about how I was crazy for traveling with them. Sure, we had our share of fits, meltdowns, and embarrassing moments, but the benefits have definitely outweighed the inconveniences. Here are some examples:

Exposure to Different Cultures. Our children visited Europe for the first time this summer. We traveled to Italy, Ireland, Greece, France, and Canada, along with some domestic stops along the way. Each country has its own culture, norms, food, and customs. 

Our children first learned, for example, that not all countries have free refills and ice. We had to remind them of this several times when they ordered a soft drink and wanted a refill. They also learned that in Europe it is not customary for hotels, homes, or businesses to be air-conditioned, teaching them adaptability.

Our children have visited some islands in the Caribbean, where most families have a different standard of living than average Americans. They observed kids expressing appreciation and thankfulness for what little they have, and this was an important reminder to them. During our visit to Alaska this year we came across a homeless shelter, and our children had some questions about it. It is important for children to have a basic understanding and compassion for families living in poverty.

Our kids also learned that in most countries around the world, eating out is a several-hour event and not a quick drive through. As Americans, we are used to having quick and efficient service and had to adopt a slower pace. In many cultures, fast meal service is considered rude and makes the customer feel like they are being rushed. 

Different Languages. Traveling to unique places exposes you to different languages and dialects, other elements of culture. Although many countries in the world speak English (such as Ireland), the accent and words can mean different things.

Europe is a melting pot, and unlike Americans, most Europeans know multiple languages. It was amazing to see how easily Europeans would go back and forth between languages. Our children learned a few phrases in Italian, French, and Greek, which they thought was a lot of fun. 

Kids do not have to travel out of the country to experience different cultures. Most schools offer language instruction. Our home school district has an entire program for children who speak English as a second language. It is important for kids to be exposed to others who are different, which teaches tolerance.

Learning Patience. Travel teaches patience to both children and adults. I would often remind my children to pack their “patience pants” on airplanes, trains, and waiting in lines. Europe had a huge travel boom this summer, and the crowds certainly confirmed this.

Patience is an important life skill that our children learn in school daily. Children must raise their hand, wait their turn, sit quietly, and share with other children. Children are not born with these skills.

Adventure and Mental Well Being. A few years ago, I took a free class from Yale University on the Secret of Happiness from Dr. Laurie Santos, who has spent her life’s work studying the psychology of happiness. One of the lessons that affected me most was about how we spend our money in relation to happiness. Dr. Santos noted that capitalism has contributed to people thinking that buying the latest car, phone, house, clothes, etc. will make them happy. Many of us are chasing that American Dream of consumerism and left feeling empty.

Dr. Santos discovered that what makes us happiest are experiences. Experiences can be as simple as going to the movie, going to the playground, swimming at the pool, or taking a vacation. Her conclusion was that families should spend expendable income on life experiences. 

My family decided to prioritize travel in our budget several years ago. Most American families take one or two trips each year. Many enjoy the beach, visiting family out of town, taking road trips, cruises, or visiting amusement parks or large cities. Everyone has a different budget, and you can incorporate travel and experiences at any budget. Some low-cost ideas could be taking your child to the local playground, swimming pool, the zoo, or a splash pad. Families can find fun activities to enjoy together on any budget. 

/by

Why Family Traditions are Important

, ,

By Lisa Cossey, MSW, LCSW

We’re in the midst of the holiday season. It is nice to look forward to time with family and friends and participate in ongoing family traditions.

A family tradition is something that is recreated year after year, enhancing family involvement and strengthening family bonds.

Each year at Halloween, my husband’s family will get together and spend an evening visiting haunted houses. It’s perhaps not a typical family tradition, but it’s one they’ve done for years and everyone looks forward to. A less frightful Halloween tradition observed by several of my friends and their families is camping Halloween weekend. My own family has planned fall camping trips two years in a row now; perhaps this will turn into a yearly tradition for us.

Another tradition in my own family that I look forward to every year is gathering in my mother’s kitchen to bake pies and other desserts for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays. It’s always a good time with much laughter, and now that my own children are older they are officially part of the family baking team as well.

Sharing traditions provides a sense of comfort and security to a family, especially the children involved. Children love routine and consistency; a family tradition provides this year after year. It also helps the children manage the changes in the year and gives them something to look forward to.

In addition, family traditions enhance family and personal well- being and add to the family identity. Strong family bonds are created and reinforced with traditions that are upheld and maintained. As children grow and mature, traditions can be altered to accommodate each family’s needs. For example, perhaps a family with young children has a tradition of singing Christmas carols around their Christmas tree. As the children age, their tradition could evolve into caroling around their neighborhood.

In recent years, my own family has added time to video call with our relatives after Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner. These are family members who may not have been able to travel in for the holidays or are stationed out of state or overseas due to military commitments. It gives us all a chance to stay connected as a family, even if we can’t physically be together for the holiday.

Family traditions don’t have to be formal, fancy or cost money. They don’t even have to revolve around the holidays. You can share in a family tradition any day or time of the year. My own family enjoys baking together to prepare for the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays; perhaps your family opts to take a walk every Christmas morning or enjoys exchanging white elephant gifts during your celebrations. Traditions are what you want to make them.

Other ideas to create family traditions include:

  • Read a book, such as “The Night Before Christmas,” aloud prior to opening Christmas gifts
  • Weekly or monthly family movie night
  • Have a yearly family talent show
  • Create crafts together
  • Make candy or prepare meals together
  • Have an annual family camping trip
  • Have your own family sporting tournament with a traveling trophy to be awarded to the winning family each year

No matter what your family tradition is or what your family chooses to create, just having something for all family members to look forward to each year is important. Traditions help create warm, positive memories that can be recalled fondly and draw family members back to one another year after year.

/by

Helping Your Child Cope with Loss This Holiday Season

, ,

By Sarah Roth, MSW, LSW

Although the holidays bring much joy and excitement, they are also a very difficult time for families who have experienced loss. Children are no exception. Feelings of grief may increase or present differently as the holiday season approaches.

So, what can we do to help grieving children?

  1. Understand that everyone grieves differently. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Some may find comfort in talking, reminiscing, and doing things to honor the loss they have experienced. For others, these things may not bring comfort at all. Additionally, grief has no distinct timeline or roadmap. Family members may be at different stages of the grieving process. Remember that each family member’s journey is their own.
  2. Be honest with your children about your emotional experiences. As parents, we often feel we must shield our children from seeing our emotions so we do not further damage or worry them. While we do need to use discretion about what and how we share with our kids, it is also important that we are honest with them. This is especially important in times of loss. Our children are learning from our behavior. Hiding our feelings from our kids can lead to them feeling isolated and confused, as it may send a message that how they are feeling is abnormal. Demonstrating that it is okay to have feelings surrounding the loss is important and vital to everyone’s healing.
  3. Check in with your kid about their feelings. In addition to communicating with your child about your feelings, it is also important that you check in with your child about their feelings surrounding the loss. This helps you learn how to help them cope with the many emotions that may surface. It is important to relay the message to your children that even though they may be seeing each family member grieve in different ways, you’re all in this together. Encourage them to come to you if they have questions or feelings they do not know how to manage.
  4. Allow this year to be different while still providing consistency. There is an inherent change that occurs when loss happens. This is especially true during the holidays. Have an open discussion that traditions may look different than they did prior to the loss. Acknowledge that this is okay. It may provide comfort to all involved as opposed to moving through the holiday season as though nothing has happened. You can say things such as, “This holiday might look different because we don’t have ___ spending it here with us anymore. Is there a new tradition you would like to start or a way we could remember __ as we celebrate this year?” You could also ask, “Is there a tradition that we did with ___ that you would like to make sure we continue to do each year?” Providing a good balance of flexibility while not completely stripping the season of its routine is crucial. Working together to find what works for your family is an important way to ensure you are all providing each other with needed support.
  5. Know when to reach out to a mental health professional. If your child is struggling intensely during this time, it may be time to reach out for professional help. If you notice drastic changes in your child, seeking professional help may be the next step. Inability to complete daily tasks for a prolonged period, participating in risky/dangerous behaviors, or disconnecting emotionally are a few signs that seeking help may be beneficial. For some families this may only last a short period, but for others more long-term treatment may be necessary. Checking with your child’s school to see if there are mental health professionals in the building is a good place to start. The child’s family physician may also be able to connect your family with other resources to provide additional support.
/by

Bob and Judy Griffin Named 2023 Champions of Youth First

, , ,

Youth First, Inc. honored community philanthropists Bob and Judy Griffin at its 2023 Breakfast of Champions event on Tuesday, October 24 at Friedman Park Event Center in Newburgh.

Bob and Judy received the Dr. William Wooten Champions of Youth First Award at the event, sponsored by German American. In addition to recognizing the Griffins, the organization celebrated its donors, school partners, and volunteers with approximately 300 guests in attendance. 2023 marks Youth First’s 25th anniversary which was highlighted at the event as well.

Evansville Mayor Lloyd Winnecke proclaimed October 24, 2023 as “Bob and Judy Griffin, Champions of Youth First Day.”

These role models in business and philanthropy inspire others to invest in children, families, and the future workforce by serving as advocates of Youth First’s mission.

Bob and his business partners built Evansville-based Escalade, Inc. to become a leader in the manufacturing of sports equipment for archery, table tennis, billiards, and more. An Illinois native with degrees from Notre Dame and Northwestern Universities, Bob is also a strong supporter of local higher education institutions, the University of Southern Indiana, and the University of Evansville.

Judy is also devoted to serving others, especially children, so that they reach their full potential no matter their circumstances. An Evansville native, Judy is a graduate of Mater Dei High School and Indiana University and holds a Master’s degree in education from UE. In addition to teaching, she studied art and psychology, ran a popular Newburgh tearoom, and has served on several nonprofit Boards, including Youth First’s.

Bob and Judy are the proud parents of four and grandparents of eleven.  

Breakfast of Champions attendees enjoyed remarks from Dan Hoefling, Youth First Board Chair-Elect and President, KOCH Finishing Systems; Very Rev. Alex Zenthoefer, Diocese of Evansville Vicar General; Lindsay Botsch, German American Market President; David Bower, President, USI Foundation; Kevin Hammett, President & CEO, Regency Properties; Sr. Anne Catherine Burleigh, O.P., Dominican Sisters of St. Cecilia Vicaress General; Patrick Griffin, son and Vice President, Escalade, Inc., Lauren Kaiser, Youth First Board Chair and Chief Human Resource Officer, Tri-State Orthopaedics; Parri O. Black, Youth First President & CEO; Dr. William Wooten, Youth First Founder, as well as family and friends of the Griffins.

/by