Tag Archive for: Youth First Social Worker

Developing Your Child’s Attention Span

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By Megan Shake, MSW, LCSW – October 23, 2024 –

How long is your child’s attention span? Many people assume children’s attention spans should be longer than they actually are. You might be surprised to learn that the average is generally two minutes per year of age.

So, if your child is five years old, their attention span is about 10 minutes. Like anything else a child learns, it takes time and practice to help develop their attention span. It is not something that can be forced or happen overnight.

As parents and caregivers, we may become frustrated when a child won’t sit still or focus on a task for a period of time, but it is important to remember where the child’s development stands. Consider if their inattention is developmentally typical or not. Sometimes our expectations for children’s attention spans are high, but their brains may not be ready yet. After all, the brain is not fully developed until the age of 25 or even 30, so it is no surprise that they have a lot of room for growth.

The following are ways to help support the development of your child’s attention span.

Celebrate small wins each time your child stays on task. Positive words and encouragement go a long way to motivate a child. Provide activities that encourage thinking, such as a puzzle, memory game, or activity book.


It’s important to note that screen time does not help develop attention spans. It may seem like it does since the child is sitting still, but it doesn’t provide sufficient practice, as the brain isn’t doing the work during this time. In fact, it may have the opposite effect. Some studies show that increased screen time has even been linked to reduced attention spans and concentration skills.


Other helpful ideas include breaking larger tasks into smaller ones, keeping instructions clear and simple, removing distractions, and following consistent routines. Also remember that context is a big factor. Consider situational and physical aspects such as how the child is feeling, what time of day it is, if it is a noisy environment, if they are hungry, tired, and so forth.


Additionally, providing breaks is extremely important. Breaks help kids rest, regulate, reset, and refocus their attention. While there are countless brain break ideas out there, some include various breathing techniques, guided meditations, yoga, stretching, playing, and going outside. 


Finally, if you feel that your child is struggling with their attention span beyond what you feel you can support with these strategies or beyond what is typical for their age, don’t be afraid to reach out to your child’s doctor or others to seek professional help.

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When Your Child Refuses Therapy

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By Beth Greene, MSW, LSW – October 9, 2024 –

As a society, we have made great strides in raising awareness for mental health. Mental health is more openly discussed, and people are more aware of signs and symptoms. These strides have added support in our homes, schools, and communities that did not exist 20 years ago.

Technology has assisted with the availability of mental health information, but unfortunately, many people stop there. We still have a long way to go, because let’s face it, actually seeking mental health treatment continues to have stigmas for both adults and children.

Sometimes parents, doctors, or school personnel will recognize the signs and symptoms of a mental health concern in a child, but the child may refuse treatment, or the parent may be hesitant due to denial or fear of bias from others. Many people feel they can handle the problems they are facing on their own or feel uncomfortable talking to a “stranger” about their problems. Some parents feel guilty or embarrassed talking about their child or family’s home life stressors.

Trying something new can be scary, but it’s important that we take our mental health just as seriously as our physical health. So how do we convince our children to go to therapy when, as a society, we may still experience discrimination towards mental health supports and seeking professional help?

First, openly discuss mental health issues in an age-appropriate way with your child. Verbalize how you feel and what you need when you are experiencing stress, grief, or a traumatic life event. Schedule therapy for yourself when you notice healthy coping skills aren’t enough or you find yourself coping in unhealthy ways, like isolating yourself or using drugs and alcohol to cope.

Next, utilize school counselors and social workers. Often times, a school-based mental health professional can provide support, mentorship, guidance, and healing. However, if the school-based social worker does not have expertise in the area of concern or there isn’t progress being made in the identified area of concern, it would be important to seek outpatient services.

School-based mental health professionals do provide support for trauma-related concerns; however, it’s not always appropriate to expect a child to process their trauma while at school and then return to their regular studies. Some children will say they only feel comfortable with their school-based mental health provider and say they don’t want an outpatient therapist. However, the school resource is only available during school hours. The school-based professional can help have these difficult conversations with your child as well.

Lastly, if your child continues to refuse to go to therapy, it could be appropriate for the parent to make a therapy appointment for themselves to receive support for their own stressors and guidance on how they can support their child outside of therapy.

The National Alliance of Mental Illness (NAMI) reveals that every year, about 21 percent of adults in the US are affected by some kind of mental health issue. Unfortunately, not everyone from this population seeks help. According to NAMI, “Less than half of this population seeks professional guidance – with many of them reaching out for help after nearly a decade of hesitance and denial.”

These statistics show that many mental health signs and symptoms are showing up in childhood but are untreated until adulthood. Talk to your doctor, school counselor, or social worker about local mental health providers for your child if you suspect they may be struggling with their mental health.

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Mindfulness Can Help Your Child Handle Stress

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By Jordyn Bryant, MSW, LSW – October 2, 2024 –

Having stress or anxiety as a child can be hard. Often, children hear, “You are too young to have stress” or other statements that dismiss their feelings. Recognizing that children can have negative emotions about things adults consider “small” or “trivial” can help children validate their feelings and begin to cope with them to regulate their emotions.

One healthy coping mechanism is mindfulness.

According to understood.org, practicing mindfulness can ease feelings of stress and anxiety. Mindfulness is the practice of staying in the moment, which helps children and adults identify how they are feeling right then and how they can adjust to a more neutral thought or feeling.

Often when we are thinking of something, we tend to think of how it played out in the past or how it can play out in the future. When we stay in the moment, it helps to focus on what can help now instead of what hurt us in the past or what could go wrong in the future.

A big part of mindfulness is focusing on your breathing. When your thoughts begin to go elsewhere, focus on how your breathing feels to bring you back into the present,  recognizing and acknowledging how you feel in the moment. When children learn this, they are better able to practice self-control and strengthen their resiliency. According to mindful.org, studies show that the benefits of mindfulness for children are:

  • Increased focus
  • Improved academic performance
  • Decreased levels of stress

Working on these things can bolster confidence and improve emotional regulation and the overall well-being of a child’s mental health.

As adults, the more we practice and model mindfulness ourselves, the more we can help our children learn. It is important to recognize the feelings in ourselves and our children. Recognizing that having feelings is okay – even the ones that do not feel so good – is a way to have a healthy emotional balance. Being mentally and emotionally healthy can create positive changes in life, including our physical health, creating stronger families, and having more positive social skills. You can practice mindfulness in everyday life, even when you do not have time for 20-30 minutes of breathing and yoga.

Some examples are:

  • Practicing gratitude
  • Checking in with your body
  • Utilizing your 5 senses
  • Focusing on your breathing
  • Practicing active listening

Practicing mindfulness and helping children practice mindfulness sets us up for success in different aspects of our lives. You will be amazed to recognize the changes that come with being in the “here and now” vs. thinking about the unknowns and the “should haves.”

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Seeking Understanding: The Key to Improving Relationships

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By Holly Walther, MSW, LSW – September 26, 2024

As the saying goes, “There’s no handbook for parenting.”  It’s a complicated yet fulfilling journey that evokes so many emotions. During times of discipline, we can find ourselves doubting ourselves as we try to strike a balance between justice and compassion. In these uncertain moments, seeking understanding ensures this important equilibrium.

Reacting Vs. Responding

Living in a fast-paced society creates a proneness toward reactivity. But this tendency should not carry over into our closest relationships, especially those within our homes. Your child spills milk on the kitchen floor, and your immediate response might be frustration or annoyance. Your teenager arrives home late, and you might express offense. These reactions originate from our own triggers such as experiences, stress, and exhaustion. But what if instead of reacting in judgment, we seek to understand the situation from outside of our own perspective?

The Importance of Empathy

Empathy is a cornerstone of understanding. In the words of social work researcher Brene Brown, “In order to empathize with someone’s experience, you must be willing to believe them as they see it, and not how you imagine their experience.”  When we empathize with our children, we recognize that their behaviors aren’t always a deliberate challenge to our authority; it’s often a reflection of their inner world and developing mind. Practicing empathy creates a safe environment where our children can express their feelings, fears, and desires.

Changing Unhealthy Patterns

No parents are perfect, not even our own. Perhaps we remember feeling misunderstood, dismissed, or unappreciated. Memories like these shape our parenting styles, sometimes in ways unaware. But seeking understanding breaks this cycle. When we choose to see our children as unique individuals with their own struggles, we break free from generational patterns and cultivate a home where everyone is heard, seen, and understood.

Below are some practical actions for seeking understanding:

  1. Pause and Reflect—Before responding, take a deep breath (or two or three). Openly consider your child’s perspective. What might be influencing their behavior? Is there an underlying need or fear?
  1. Actively Listen—Give your child your undivided attention. Ask open-ended questions such as, “What do you think would make things better?” or “Would you please help me understand what is bothering you?” Show genuine interest in their thoughts and feelings.
  1. Validate Their Emotions—Even if you disagree with their actions, affirm your children’s emotions. Statements like, “I see you’re upset. Let’s talk about it,” help them know that you are trying to understand rather than judge.
  1. Learn Their Love Language—Each child expresses love differently—through words, acts of service, gifts, touch, or quality time. Discover their love language and use it to connect.  Learn more at https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language.

As parents, we hold immense power to shape our children’s lives. The rewards of seeking understanding are immeasurable—deeper bonds, a more harmonious home, and the fulfillment of knowing we are shaping compassionate, resilient human beings who will carry forth a beacon of love and empathy into future generations. 

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The Power of Empathy

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By Ashley Lingafelter, MSW, LSW – September 11, 2024 –

In a fast-paced and technology driven world, empathy remains an essential quality that promotes genuine human connection and understanding. Empathy is the capacity to put oneself in another person’s shoes, recognizing and understanding their emotions, experiences, and perspective.

The ability to understand and share the feelings of another person is what makes us unique and compassionate beings. It plays a pivotal role in fostering healthy relationships, resolving conflicts, and promoting a more compassionate society.

Psychologists have identified three components of empathy: cognitive, emotional, and compassionate. Cognitive empathy involves understanding another person’s thoughts and emotions, even if one does not personally experience them. It requires active listening, open-mindedness, and a willingness to consider different perspectives.

Emotional empathy refers to feeling the same emotion as another person, often leading to a sense of shared experience and resonance with their feelings. It enables individuals to offer comfort and support while validating the other person’s emotions.

Lastly there is compassionate empathy, which combines cognitive and emotional empathy, compelling individuals to take action to alleviate others’ suffering. It fuels acts of kindness, selflessness, and social advocacy.

Empathy has far-reaching benefits on both an individual and societal level. Here are a few key reasons why empathy is essential:

1. Building Stronger Relationships: Empathy forms the cornerstone of strong interpersonal connections. By actively listening and understanding others, we can gain trust, foster teamwork, and create meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and understanding.

2. Conflict Resolution: Empathy helps resolve conflicts by providing a deeper understanding of others’ perspectives. It encourages constructive dialogue and problem-solving.

3. Enhancing Emotional Intelligence: Empathy is closely linked to emotional intelligence, which involves recognizing, understanding, and managing emotions.

4. Fostering Inclusivity and Tolerance: Empathy allows us to embrace diversity and appreciate different cultures, beliefs, and backgrounds. It promotes a sense of inclusivity, tolerance, and respect for individual differences by dismantling stereotypes and biases.

5. Creating Social Change: Empathy fuels acts of kindness and compassion, inspiring individuals to make a positive difference in society. It drives philanthropy, volunteering, and social activism, paving the way for a more equitable and empathetic world.

So how do we become more empathetic and how do we teach our children to be empathetic? Empathy is a skill that can be nurtured and developed. Pay attention to others’ words, body language, and emotions. Practice active listening by being fully present in conversations and showing genuine interest.

Try to understand situations from others’ viewpoints, considering their beliefs, values, and experiences. This promotes empathy and helps bridge the gap between different perspectives. We can read more diverse narratives and stories and watch more diverse movies. Doing so will broaden our understanding of others’ experiences and help us cultivate empathy. We also need to practice more self-reflection. We need to make sure we are aware of our own biases, assumptions, and experiences to be able to approach others with an open mind.

Empathy is a powerful force that promotes understanding, strengthens relationships, and fosters social change. It is an essential skill that can be developed through active listening, perspective-taking, and self-reflection. Let us embrace empathy to bridge divides, build connections, and make the world a little brighter for one another.

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Why Students Should Leave Cell Phones in Lockers

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By Heidi Mikac, MSW, LSW – September 4, 2024 –

As a school social worker, one of the most frustrating parts of my job is when I’m in the middle of a session with a student and they take out their cell phone and start texting as if I don’t notice or exist. When I tell them to put their phone away, they protest as if it’s a life or death situation. 

How did I survive middle school and high school without a cell phone?  I didn’t get my first phone until I was a freshman in high school, and it was so difficult to handle I barely used it. But somehow I survived, and I’m still here to tell the tale. 

There are issues that are difficult to ignore when it comes to the use of cell phones by students. There has been a noticeable increase in depression and mental health concerns among children who spend their days (and nights) gazing at the bright white screen in front of them. Countless hours spent watching TikTok and arguing back and forth over Snapchat have made it difficult for students to focus their attention on studies, friends, and family. 

Many of my students have told me they don’t communicate often with their parents because they lock themselves in their room and watch YouTube or chat with friends on social media sites during their down time. This chronic behavior is taking away from quality family time and interfering with their ability to complete any meaningful homework or chores at home. I’ve noticed that when a student’s phone is taken away from them at school, the student reacts like a junkie who can’t get a fix. I’ve had many students come into my office crying because a teacher took away their phone. 

Since 2015, more and more teenagers have reported feeling lonely. This has not escaped my attention at the middle school where I work. It has been alarming to see the social skills of many students atrophy over the past few years. Many students seem to have forgotten how to start a conversation with their peers and would rather sit alone in silence than interact with their schoolmates. While on lunch duty, I routinely observe many students burying their faces in their cell phones instead of socializing with their peers. 

I am not advocating a complete ban of cell phones. I understand that students may need their phones for various reasons, but there are some commonsense solutions. The student fixation on cell phones has led me to the conclusion that it would be in the best interest of teachers, administrative support staff, and especially the students if we simply had them keep their cell phones in their lockers during classroom hours. Another solution might include issuing a bin to each classroom. Students could leave their phones in the container after turning them off for the duration of the class. I think that would help both teachers and students resolve this sensitive issue. There is no easy fix, but ignoring the problem is not contributing to the wellbeing or academic excellence of our youth.

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How Active Listening Skills Can Benefit Your Family

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By Emily Bernhardt, MSW, LSW – August 22, 2024 –

Active listening is a skill that can be used to strengthen relationships with anyone we encounter or communicate with. It can be useful when engaging with clients, coworkers, friends, family and even strangers, but it is especially helpful when we use these skills to interact with our children. So often children can feel unheard and misunderstood when seeking support from adults, but implementing active listening skills when having conversations with them can make all the difference.

There are several components that go into active listening. Think about it like this: These skills are behaviors that allow the person you are communicating with to see and feel that you are truly listening to them. Making sure the person has your full attention is a great place to start. Put away your phone, work, or any other distractions and focus completely on your child and what they have to say to you.

Another great active listening skill is to paraphrase back to your child what you think you are hearing them say. This shows you are listening, and it is also helps ensure you are accurately understanding what they are conveying. They then have the opportunity to rephrase anything you may have misunderstood.

Another great active listening skill is using gestures and other forms of nonverbal communication to show you are paying attention to what your child is saying. Make eye contact and give simple head nods as they speak. If you have small children, getting down on their level is something that can help them feel more connected to you in that moment.

One important thing to remember about active listening is that it is all about helping your child feel heard; it does not mean you have to agree with everything they say. It is absolutely okay to acknowledge your child’s thoughts or wishes, express your gratitude for their willingness to share, and then let them know why you have a differing perspective.

It can feel uncomfortable to listen to our children when they are struggling or going through a challenge. Often adults feel like they need to know the “right” thing to say, but in some situations even offering support through a hug or just being present with your child is enough.  

All in all, everyone likes to feel heard when communicating with others, even adults. Our children are no different. Learning active listening skills can positively impact family relationships and help strengthen bonds between caregiver and child. The more heard and supported our children feel when communicating with us, the more likely they are going to be open and share when it really matters most. Taking the time to learn and practice active listening skills is one great step in doing your part to cultivate a healthy and supportive relationship with your child.

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Setting Your Middle School Student Up for Success

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By Vicki Kirkman, LCSW, LCAC – August 1, 2024 –

The transition to middle school can be an intimidating yet exciting time for both students and parents. During a time when young adolescents are gaining independence and facing more responsibilities, it is vital that parents stay involved and continue to nurture the child-parent bond.

In preparation for this important milestone, there are several ways to help your student feel prepared and have success.

Ask your child their thoughts about preparing for middle school. Questions like, “What are you most excited about?” “Is there anything you want to know more about before you start school?” and “Do you have any worries about middle school?” can help you understand more about how your child is feeling.

Take time to physically scope out the location of the school. Many area schools host visits prior to school starting, so your child may have already visited during their last few months of elementary school. Be sure to follow up on that visit and ask your child how they felt about meeting the new staff and being in the school building.  If your child did not participate in a visit, ask to tour the building before school starts.

Talk with your child about the many changes middle school will bring. Middle school students have to learn how to navigate different classrooms/teachers throughout the school day. Often, buildings are bigger and the length of passing periods will limit how much time your child has between classes. Help them learn how to manage their time so they can have bathroom breaks, get water, or visit with friends and still be on time to class.

Time management is also important when students have more classes in middle school. Teaching your child how to make “to do” lists, organize their school material, and plan their day so they can manage classes and other afterschool activities can set them up for success.

Encourage your child to take advantage of all that middle school has to offer. Afterschool activities or clubs, sports, or new areas of interest like band or choir can provide a way for your child to meet new people and have new experiences. Keep them connected to activities outside of school too, such as volunteer opportunities, faith-based activities, or commitments that are important to your family.

Discuss characteristics that your child thinks are important to look for when keeping and making new friends. Adolescents at this age start to really value and rely on their peer relationships. Talking about values and behaviors that are important to your child will help encourage healthy friendships.

Keep open communication with your child about their growth and development. Their bodies and emotions are changing rapidly and it’s important for them to understand what is normal and how to manage the challenges that come along with puberty. Stay up to date with appointments with their primary care doctor and dentist for good health. Model and encourage good stress management and coping skills. Getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, exercising, and engaging in fun activities are habits they can develop and use their whole life.

Identify professionals in the building that can help if your student is feeling overwhelmed or needs extra support. Identify a teacher, counselor, school social worker, school nurse or other administrators as go-to people if your child needs assistance. Ask for help if more specialized support is needed. School social workers and counselors can provide ideas and referrals if community resources are needed for the student and family.

Lastly, stay engaged in your child’s education. Attend school events, sign up and read communications from the school, utilize email to stay in touch with teachers, and ask your child open-ended questions about how their day went to stay informed. If you stay attentive and involved, your middle school student will be set up for success.

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The Dangers of Vaping

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By Sara Wilson, MSW, LSW – July 24, 2024 –

According to Indiana Public Radio in October 2023, nine percent of all Indiana youth said they used e-cigarettes in the past month. And in 11th and 12th grade, nearly 20 percent of students said they had been vaping within the month.

Vaping or using e-cigarettes is an epidemic that has led to children as young as elementary age experimenting with them. Often, misinformation makes vaping sound less dangerous than traditional cigarettes. However, facts show this is not true. 

The key to preventing vaping in children and adults is education. When we know better, we do better. Important facts to communicate include the following, found at the Tobacco Education Resource Library:

  • Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine. Children and teens often believe e-cigarettes do not contain any type of nicotine, rather just the flavor juice. This myth is used to make e-cigarettes appear more “healthy” than regular cigarettes. The fact is, most e-cigarettes not only contain nicotine, but the website notes that vapes, especially one Juul pod, can contain as much nicotine as an entire pack of cigarettes.
  • By heating the ingredients, e-cigarettes create an aerosol that is inhaled. Some of the ingredients include not only nicotine, but nickel, lead, tin, aluminum, and even formaldehyde. Formaldehyde is one of the chemicals used when embalming a deceased person in order to preserve the body. 
  • Introducing such chemicals at a young age increases the risk of addiction to not only e-cigarettes, but also to other drugs. The child and teen brain is still developing and forming numerous connections. The introduction of such chemicals makes the brain feel dependent on these chemicals. 

In addition to educating your child about the real risks of e-cigarettes, there are other steps you can take to help curtail vaping. Be aware of behaviors that may indicate your child is using e-cigarettes. According to the Massachusetts Center for Adolescent Wellness, such behaviors might include increased thirst; nose bleeds; smelling like mint, candy, or fruit; increased agitation, anxiety, or impatience; secrecy or increased need for privacy.

When discussing vaping with your child, the American Lung Association recommends the following considerations:

  • Put yourself in your child’s shoes. Consider the pressure and social environment they encounter in their daily lives, and remember what that felt like when you were their age.
  • Remind your child that you are on their side without judgment or frustration. If a child feels judged, they may react defensively or tune you out completely. An open discussion is the best approach to lead to a positive outcome.
  • Find the right time and place. Choose a calm moment where vaping is already at the top of their mind, like when you’re driving past a vape shop or your child is attending an event with friends. This will help you guide the conversation and discuss vaping without defensiveness.
  • Practice having this conversation with a partner or trusted friend, and go through the points you feel are most important to communicate. Try to anticipate how the conversation will go, and prepare yourself to respond to your child calmly and respectfully. This will also encourage them to come to you with problems in the future.

If you discover that your child is vaping, contacting your pediatrician or family doctor to evaluate the level of use and possible addiction may be necessary. Often, vaping is not discovered until some time has passed. If an addiction has formed, stopping without medical guidance may be difficult or even medically unsafe. 

Keeping communication open and available without lecturing is important. Parents need children and teens to understand the dangers of e-cigarettes. Children and teens need parents to understand the pressures of engaging in using e-cigarettes. When both parties are willing to listen and understand the other, chances of prevention increase. 

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Kids Need to Fail to be Successful

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By Nolan Miller, MSW, LCSW – July 17, 2024 –

Picture this. You are in school and kids are choosing teams for a basketball game. Five students are very good at the sport and five may need to work on their skills a bit more. No matter how the teams are chosen, one team will have an advantage over the other. As a result, what should we do? Quit or play the game?

For some, this question is not so easy to answer. As a school social worker, I often see children who love to play games, sports, or anything that is competitive in nature, but they do not like to lose.

It’s safe to say none of us, even adults, really want to lose. It can make us feel like we are not good enough and therefore shouldn’t even try. However, this is far from the truth. We learn more from losing than from winning.

A better question is: How do we help our children understand that it isn’t always about winning and it’s okay to lose sometimes?

For example, when playing a board game (and I know as an adult I can win this game nine times out of ten), do I let the child win sometimes or beat them every time? Perhaps try to find a balance between victories and losses. It’s all about the discussion after the game and how the child reacts. When they win, are they enjoying the win or are they gloating that they are more skilled? This may give insight on how they feel when they are losing. When they lose, are they brushing off the loss or running away from the game saying they never want to play again? 

I grew up playing sports and games with my family. I didn’t enjoy losing. However, understanding that I was more than just a competitor in a game was a lesson I could use in different aspects of my life. Bad days happen, and we have the opportunity to learn and grow from them. Some factors are not in our control, and we can either run from our struggles or learn to control our reactions.

No one expects a child to take every loss in stride, but you can begin laying the foundation to accept losses with grace and courage. Whether they are competing on the field, the court, the stage, or just playing on the playground with friends, keeping the lines of positive communication open can lead to a more positive experience with others. 

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