By Youth First Staff – March 3, 2021 –
Growing up can be challenging. Some stages in our lives are notoriously more difficult than others.
Most of us remember our various “awkward” phases that took place throughout our time in elementary and middle school. During those years, even the smallest failure could feel like defeat.
Although all of us experience the struggles of discovering who we are as we grow up, the negative impacts of social pressure during adolescence are significantly higher in girls. Between the ages of 8 and 14, girls’ confidence levels fall by 30 percent.
At 14, when girls’ confidence is statistically at its lowest, boys’ confidence is 27 percent higher. How can we spot the signs of this confidence plunge in our daughters and what can we do to bolster their self-esteem?
This drop in self-esteem may look like fear of trying new things, reluctance to speak up in class or ask questions, people-pleasing, overthinking, or constant comparison. The good news is that confidence can be taught and encouraged if given the right atmosphere to grow during these tough years.
The single most effective way to build confidence is by taking risks. Comfort zones inhibit growth. Bravery is like a muscle, the more you use it, the easier it is to be unafraid to express yourself.
Encourage your daughter to take risks and normalize failures. If girls start taking positive risks during adolescence, they will be better prepared to overcome failure and will have the ability to move on when things don’t go perfectly in adulthood.
Resist the urge to jump in and save your daughter from failure. It is essential for her to learn to move through tough times, bounce back, and become more resilient. Teach your daughter to become her own coach and learn from her mistakes. Positive affirmations like “I’ve got this” and “I’ve gotten through hard times like this before” are helpful.
Rumination is the tendency to repetitively think and worry about all the details of a negative situation. Teaching your daughter to identify these toxic mindsets and create a new, more realistic and positive patterns of thinking can be helpful. For example, if she is thinking “Everyone hates me” because she didn’t get invited to a party, you can challenge that thought and create a new more realistic thought in its place.
Lastly, set an example. Let your daughter know when you are nervous about a new challenge. Talk about your past failures. Let your daughter know that messing up isn’t the end of the world. If we are obsessing about being perfect, our daughters will pick up on that unhealthy standard.
By Krissy Melhiser, LSW – February 24, 2021 –
What does it take to see our children grow to be strong and healthy? Is it everyone’s responsibility?
Parenting can be so difficult at times. It seems like an endless pursuit, and you wonder if the tireless chase will result in a positive outcome. As a school social worker, I hear countless stories of the hardships parents face with their kids. Through the ups and downs, I often wonder as each generation faces the same foundational issues, what does it take to produce a healthy generation?
Since being in high school myself, I have seen an increase in anxiety and depression in young people. A world that is constantly transforming provides a multitude of reasons for this increase in mental health challenges. How can we ensure the next generation isn’t forced to grapple with more issues than the previous generation?
So what is needed? Change! A word like “change” can be so simple to understand, yet it may be one of the most difficult to put into action.
Change requires looking beyond our circumstances to find the root of the issues younger generations face. Most of us would find it is easy to change our laundry detergent or perhaps make small changes in our routine, but deep-rooted change takes more time and commitment.
So what can we do as parents, guardians, and youth advocates who have an influence on younger generations?
First we must turn inward, observe, and recognize what we need to own up to. As parents, we are not given an instruction manual. Much of what we know is learned from our own parents. Recognize that not everything we are taught is good or healthy. Therefore, it’s important for all of us to be introspective and make changes where they are necessary.
The definition of insanity is “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.” If we do the same things over and over, how can we expect change to occur for ourselves and those around us? Lead by example! Envision yourself looking into a mirror, but on the other side is not your reflection; it’s your child’s reflection instead. With every movement, word, attitude, and deed they mirror you. Are you okay with the reflection you see?
To create change, sometimes generational bonds of negative unhealthy habits need to be broken. As human beings we have proven that we can and have evolved. Therefore, we know that change can happen if we commit to seeing it through.
My challenge is this: Ask yourself what you need to own up to. You and your kids will be better for it. The negative generational cycle can and needs to be broken, not only for your own mental health and well-being, but also for the benefit of your family, community, and society as a whole.
It’s our responsibility to produce a generation that can take on the future without unnecessary hurdles. Our actions have a ripple effect on so much more than we realize. May the ripples you produce be healthy and good ones.
By Alyssa Sieg, Program Coordinator
Preparing for the birth of a new baby is a wonderful time filled with anticipation, excitement, and joy. For first-time parents, the preparation can also be a time for anxiety and uncertainty.
There are so many unknowns for parents when bringing a new baby into the world. The thought of sleep deprivation, financial concerns, and finding the right childcare for the baby can definitely be a source of major stress. This stress can most definitely affect the parents’ relationship and their mental health, and it can often lead to more arguments.
It is essential for partners to work together and be on the same page when it comes to raising a child. Studies show that conflict between parents can negatively impact children. However, when children witness parents come together for a resolution to arguments, they will feel less threatened. In other words, children will see that despite the conflict, the parents are still there for their needs.
When conflict becomes hostile, children may feel distressed and threatened, leading them to “act out” or become aggressive toward others. Understanding how to manage conflict before the baby is born will help parents feel better equipped when they have a disagreement.
When we’re upset with our partner it’s easy to become emotional and make accusations. Instead of focusing on a specific problem, we tend to generalize. For example, we may say things like “You’re careless, You’re never helpful, You’re lazy, etc.” Research on relationships has found that making a point to address specific behaviors that upset you (rather than generalizing) can be highly beneficial to mental health and overall happiness within the relationship.
Replacing the negative thoughts with helpful thoughts is a great first approach. For example, instead of saying, “My partner is selfish,” replace that with, “She has to take care of herself first, but she cares about me too.” These positive replacement thoughts should be true and believable.
Write down these constructive messages and thoughts and strategically place them on the refrigerator, next to the light switch in the bedroom, or on the bathroom mirror so you will see them daily. By practicing and making an effort to use them now, it will be easier to use this technique once the baby arrives.
While it is impossible to truly prepare for all of the challenges parenthood can bring, using these techniques to help strengthen communication will be a tremendous help. Parenthood is exhausting, challenging, and can take a toll on relationships. Being on the same page as your partner when it comes to conflict and communication can help lighten challenges and stress once the baby arrives. Happy parents will lead to a happy child, which we can all agree is the most important factor in parenthood.
If you are expecting a child, Youth First invites you to participate in Family First Foundations. This free virtual program is designed to help parents maintain strong family bonds, reduce stress, and raise healthy, well-adjusted children. There is a session starting soon. Groups meet once a week for 4 prenatal sessions and 4 postnatal sessions. For more information and to register, email Grace Wilson at gwilson@youthfirstinc.org.
By Kelsey Weber, LSW – February 10, 2021-
Many people gauge levels of student academic success based on teacher status, academic grades, or socioeconomic status. However, the real key to student success is none of these. The best indicator for student academic success depends on how involved families are with learning at home and in their child’s school.
Families involved in their child’s education at home and at school have higher academic achievements than those who do not. Many staff members such as social workers, teachers, counselors, and administrators play a vital role in connecting families with their school by encouraging family engagement. Family engagement is not only parent interest in their child’s learning; it is a shared responsibility with staff and teachers to meet educational goals and encourage a student’s growth.
When families are engaged in their child’s school life, kids develop a love of learning that will expand their knowledge base and sense of wonder. When teachers focus on family relationships, they often see change with those children in their classroom. The more teachers involve parents, the more motivation, positive behaviors, and good grades increase.
Teachers often encourage parent engagement and involvement by inviting parents to school meetings or events, asking them to volunteer at school or get involved with PTSA, or suggesting parents meet with their child’s teacher to set goals and objectives.
When parents and teachers commit to this learning atmosphere and work together to help students succeed, this is when we see success and growth. So, why is parent involvement so important? When school staff establishes relationships with families early on, families will feel more welcome and more willing to be involved in their child’s education. If those relationships are not established early on, parents may feel they are not supposed to be part of their child’s learning process.
Other factors can create a disconnect between parents and teachers, such as scheduling conflicts, transportation issues, and lack of cultural awareness for low-income or minority families. Working together to overcome these obstacles is an essential part of being an active participant in a child’s education.
Children with engaged parents are more likely to earn higher grades and test scores, graduate from high school and attend post-secondary education, develop self-confidence and motivation in the classroom, and have better social skills and classroom behavior. According to waterford.org, children with engaged families are also less likely to struggle with low self-esteem, develop behavioral issues, or need redirection from their teacher in the classroom.
So, how can parents become more involved with their child’s school life?
- Save contact information for your child’s teachers to be sure you can easily
address any concerns or questions regarding your child’s progress. - Connect with the school by attending school events, meetings, and parent-teacher committees.
- Discuss classroom goals with teachers.
- Be responsive to both positive and negative feedback from teachers about your
child’s progress.
Teachers can encourage more family involvement in the following ways:
- Give parents your contact information to encourage parents to reach out when
needed and establish a strong communication with the teacher. - Invite parents to connect with the school by sharing school events, meetings, and parent-teacher committees.
- Discuss classroom goals with parents.
- Establish a connection with parents in person as much as possible. Communicate often with both positive and negative phone calls, upcoming events, and any classroom concerns you may have.
When parents and school staff work together, student academic success grows. By working together and establishing a relationship early on, this creates a positive school and working environment.
By Brooke Skipper, LCSW – February 3, 2021 –
We know our children mess up. They make bad choices, say unkind things, forget to do chores. We know they are not perfect.
However, when we hear about new trends in adolescent behavior, we foolishly think to ourselves, “Well, thankfully my kid would never do THAT.”
Adolescence is a time of exploration. Our children are trying to discover who they are, what group they belong to, what they like and don’t like. As they explore they are inundated with messages from their peers and social media about so many different types of experiences, many of them risky.
The areas of the brain that handle planning and impulse control don’t completely mature until about age 25. So while adults may see a behavior that is unsafe and say “no thanks”, teens cannot always recognize the risk.
Without that impulse control, teenagers are more likely to make quick decisions without thinking through the consequences. This is especially true when they see the behavior as something “everyone else is doing.”
How can we become more observant parents and keep our heads out of the sand? Staying connected with your child, knowing what they are involved in and who they are involved with, and keeping yourself up-to-date about new adolescent behavior trends will help you recognize signs that your child may be engaging in unsafe activities.
- Talk openly, talk often, and start now. Start having conversations with your child about topics like sex, substances, and personal safety at a young age. Your child will be more likely to know you are open to hearing what they have to say. Be careful that your words don’t come across as a lecture. Instead, use open ended questions to allow your child to talk freely. Remind your child it is safe for them to come to you about any topic.
- Have clear family values. What is important to you as a family? Does your child know what these values are? Make sure you are modeling family values and not just preaching them. Don’t drink and drive, practice a positive online presence, and treat others with kindness.
- Have clear rules and consequences. If you wait for a situation to arise to put rules and consequences in place, you are waiting too long. Clearly define rules and consequences for breaking them. Take time to redefine these with your child as she matures and is ready for more responsibility.
- Monitor your child’s social interactions. This applies to interactions both in person and online. Know who your child is spending physical time with and who the parents are. Take time to monitor your child’s social media and texting interactions, as this is where some of the most risky behaviors can take place. There are so many apps available to help in both of these areas.
- Be a safety net when it comes to peer pressure. If your child feels peer pressure to do risky things or is placed in a risky situation, you could help him think of ways to opt out. Develop a code word your child can text you that lets you know he needs to be picked up immediately. Let her blame you for not being able to go somewhere she does not feel comfortable. Help her come up with creative ways to respond when pressured. “My mom drug tests me” can always work!
- Be a constant presence through the years. We are sometimes fooled into thinking our teenagers no longer need us, a message that can be reinforced by their behavior. However, teens often need us even more as they navigate the world and are faced with difficult choices. Continue to check in, stay involved, and stay available.
Following these tips can help you be more aware of your child’s behavior and increase your success as a parent. Turning a blind eye or refusing to reevaluate our parenting techniques doesn’t do any good. Remember, most parents probably thought their child would never eat a TIDE Pod.
By Katie Omohundro, LCSW- January 27, 2021-
The World Wide Web (WWW) sounds like a place I’m not sure I want my kids to visit. It makes me think of a spider using her web to catch the day’s lunch.
As usage of online platforms has become a necessity in today’s society, how do we protect our children from the dangers lurking around the corners of the internet? Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my fair share of Facebook (Okay, Boomer), using Google, etc. But what impact do these habits have on our children?
Unfortunately, there are some negatives to doing everything online. There can definitely be feelings of FOMO. Fear of missing out, or FOMO, is a feeling our children can have, especially when seeing their friends on a variety of social media sites.
People are quick to post their best days and don’t often show their worst. This can make it seem as though friends never have a bad day, which of course is not true. This can cause comparisons that are often unrealistic. Children simply feel left out of all the fun.
Another negative aspect to the World Wide Web includes children being exposed to predators. This can be easy to forget, but when children have access to the internet or even those apps that seem like they’re “for kids,” we are giving complete strangers the ability to communicate with our children day and night. Increased access to inappropriate content becomes a concern as well.
Sleep disturbances are another major issue with social media use. Sleep problems can lead to failing grades, moodiness, irritability, unhappiness, overeating, and an increased risk of getting sick due to a poor immune system. Teens, for example, need more sleep than adults as their brains are still developing.
Communication can also be challenging in an increasingly digital world. So much of communication is lost when we sit behind a computer screen. Body language cannot be gauged through an email. Misinterpreting a text can increase the likelihood of miscommunication and hurt feelings.
This is especially detrimental for kids who are in the process of developing important communication skills. The internet can easily muddy those waters. These instances of miscommunication can lead to feelings of isolation and an increase in anxiety and depression.
Thinking of the topics mentioned thus far, one can guess how increased internet usage can negatively impact the mental health of today’s youth. Effects of social isolation can heighten children’s concern for their friends.
As a school social worker, I have spoken with a number of kids who have stayed up all night communicating online with a friend considering suicide. How frightening! Imagine being young (or any age, for that matter) and feeling it is up to you to keep another person alive.
After considering the harmful effects of too much time online, I believe one of the most straightforward ways to help children find balance is to set boundaries. You don’t even have to be a tech savvy computer programmer to implement them!
Have your child leave all electronics in your bedroom to charge at night. That’s it! Set a time for devices to be turned in. This helps you ensure that electronics are not only getting charged but also that your child is not up at all hours of the night texting with friends.
Not all things online are bad. It is important to be mindful of how often we are online in front of our children so we can be good models of appropriate online use. Keeping ourselves in check with how often we are on the World Wide Web also keeps us accountable and enables us to be more actively involved with our growing children.
By Mary Haas, LSW -January 20, 2021-
Have you ever been nervous going into a job interview? What about paying bills on time, meeting goals at work, or questioning whether we are doing this whole parenting thing right?
Being an adult is hard! Trying to raise kids and do this whole “life thing” can feel overwhelming at times. It can be hard to imagine that our kids might be having worries of their own.
Sometimes even the best parents can overlook a child’s anxieties and fears. However, their little worries are just as real as our adult worries! It is important that we take a closer look into these worries and how to respond to them.
Although we can’t go back in time and feel every anxious moment or overwhelming feeling that came with our childhood, we can acknowledge that throughout our life anxiety can be a steady constant for many of us.
So, what exactly does anxiety look like for a child? How do we respond?
It is important to realize that anxiety can look different for each child; however, there are many common stressors that children experience. Three common worries found in children are the pressures of school, family, and peers. Children may worry about tests, grades, or being called on in class. They might worry about a parent working themselves too hard, a separation within the family, or not getting their needs met. These worries can stem from feeling like they don’t fit in with others to bullying or not having a friend they can trust.
Whatever these fears may look like, you can help! Find out what is on your child’s mind. By being available and expressing interest in your kids’ day-to-day lives, you give them the opportunity to share how they think and feel. If your child seems to be worried about something, ask them about it! Encourage your child to put what is bothering them into words. This helps them verbalize specific details about their feelings, which can help you pinpoint the source of the anxiety they are experiencing.
Another way to help children feel supported and understood is by keeping things in perspective. Sometimes kids worry about big life stuff such as war, famine, and diseases. This is where parents can assure children that what they are feeling is very real while also expressing that adults are working to solve these big issues. Without minimizing feelings, point out that many problems are temporary and solvable. Remind your child there will be better days and opportunities ahead. By teaching children to keep problems in perspective, we can help lessen their worry. This helps strengthen our children with resilience and optimism.
Perhaps one of the best ways we can relieve our children’s anxiety is by being positive role models. The most influential lessons we teach our kids are the ones we demonstrate. Our responses to our own worries, stressors, and frustrations can provide an opportunity to teach our kids how to deal with everyday challenges.
If we practice looking on the bright side of our own situations and voice optimistic thoughts, our children can learn to follow suit. When our adult life worries come into play, we can work on remaining positive and having confidence that these problems are temporary and tomorrow is another day.
By Danielle Tessier, Communications & Development Assistant- January 14, 2021-
It’s finally 2021. We can relish our goodbyes to a year that brought more strife and challenges than any of us bargained for. Although 2020 is over, all of the problems we’ve faced will not miraculously disappear.
With a coronavirus vaccine already in distribution across the country, we are beginning to see a light amidst the darkness that this pandemic has cast over our everyday lives. Unfortunately, a vaccine cannot eliminate political divisions and address racial inequality. This is a problem we must solve together.
Systemic racism was googled more in 2020 than in any previous year. “Black Lives Matter” was amongst “election results” and “coronavirus” in the top ten search terms of 2020. It’s evident that all of us have questions about racial justice, even our children. How do we provide answers to their questions when we still have unanswered questions ourselves?
First, strive to create an environment where everyone in the family feels comfortable asking about topics that may be controversial or even frightening. The best way to perpetuate fear and uneasiness around discussing race is not talking about it at all.
Ignoring the issue minimizes its importance and leaves children without a way to process information they hear at school or from friends. Not addressing racial issues also takes away our opportunities to learn how to celebrate and appreciate the diversity around us.
Even if children are young, they notice when those around them are feeling angry or conflicted. Framing the way we are feeling about an event or topic surrounding race in an age- appropriate way is essential to helping children develop a basic understanding of racial justice. You can’t explain the history of racism to an elementary school student, but you can help them use their compassion and emotional intelligence to understand unfairness and place themselves in someone else’s shoes.
As children grow older, their understanding of race will become more complex. Encourage your whole family to listen to the voices of people of color through art, music, and writing. This is a perfect way to instill recognition of the inherent value of narratives that aren’t our own. Regardless of where we fall on the political spectrum, the need and importance of diverse voices in culture cannot be dismissed.
Listening to thoughts and concepts that challenge our own perspectives is the best way to cultivate an awareness of how we each play a role in molding a society that belongs to everyone. Acknowledging that we don’t have all the answers and leaning into our uncertainty and discomfort surrounding race is something we should all make a point to accomplish this year.
This will allow us to have more honest and open conversations with the ones we love. It will also help us be better prepared to provide answers to the tough questions our children will inevitably ask us.
By Jessie Laughlin, LSW -January 6, 2021-
“New normal” is a phrase we’ve heard a lot of lately. Staying in for dinner, wearing masks, keeping six feet of distance, and using lots of hand sanitizer are all commonplace in our lives. While these new elements in our routines can be inconvenient, all have become part of our “new normal.”
Virtual learning is also a “new normal,” with 65 percent of households involved in online learning of some capacity, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. However, many students and families are struggling to adapt as easily to e-learning as they are adapting to wearing a mask every day. Academic, social, and mental health challenges can arise from virtual school, but committing to these recommendations may help while learning from home.
1. Create a Workspace. Set up a space that is calm, quiet, and feels similar to a school setting. A desk and chair are great, but if not available, try the kitchen table. If your student’s bed is the quietest place at home, make it a desk, but be watchful for napping.
2. Establish a Routine. Decide when learning hours will be and stick to it. Get up at the same time every day, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, and set up learning spaces. Check email and learning platforms daily. Predictability encourages motivation, allows fewer distractions, and eases stress.
3. Set Goals. Set measurable, realistic goals regarding schoolwork. Incentivize those goals, since a reward for work may increase motivation. Rewards may include privileges, allowance, special treats, and should always include verbal encouragement.
4. Be Flexible. Learning at home is not the same as learning at school. Tricky factors come to play in virtual learning, like guardian work hours and computer availability. Make a school work plan that fits both your family’s needs and the school’s requirements. Be careful not to compare previous functioning to COVID-era functioning.
5. Get Organized. Incorporate tools like a planner and folders for each class. Keep supplies (pencils, earbuds, paper, books, computer) nearby and within reach. Keep login information written down just in case your student forgets.
6. Practice Time Management. Teach your student to start paying attention to how long assignments take to complete. Help them plan ahead, including when they’re going to complete assignments. If you’re unsure how long an assignment will take, double the estimated time. A timer is a great tool to help students learn to keep track of time.
7. Manage Distractions. Avoid learning around distractions like video games, phones, and TV. Family can also be distracting. Find a quiet place in your home so they can give schoolwork full attention.
8. Take “Brain Breaks.” Brain breaks allow our brain to process and relax from continuous learning. A child’s attention span is about two minutes per year of age. Allow “brain breaks” when their attention span decreases. A National Academy of Medicine study found that physical activity changes the structure of our brain and encourages learning and memory. Movement throughout the day may improve academic achievement, along with physical and emotional health.
9. Stay in Touch. Students are missing out on day-to-day interaction with teachers and peers. To foster those relationships, students should check in with their teachers by email and attend all virtual class sessions. Before small problems escalate, encourage your student to email their teacher about struggles. Help your student remain social with peers by setting up Zoom friend meets.
These tips and tricks aren’t difficult to implement and will work wonders if you are struggling to make e-learning work for your family. Learning should be functional and fun, no matter the setting. Even the smallest adjustments in our daily routines can ultimately make a big difference.